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Aliens in America Quotes

“Franny: Today this family is going to church.

Gary: What?

Claire: Seriously?

Justin: I don't wanna go!

Franny: Today this family is going to church, now get in the damn car!”
— Franny, Aliens in America, Season 1: Church
Tagged: Church, swearing, Resistence, Irony, Witty, humor, Snarky
“Franny: If you join the chastity club, I'll let you go on the Pill for Christmas.

Claire: Deal.”
— Franny, Aliens in America, Season 1: Church
Tagged: Chastity, Christian, Church, The Pill, birth control, Ironic, humor, Christmas, Holidays, Abstinence
“Franny: Yeah, well whole idea is that when you come to America, you check your traditions at the border.

Gary: Otherwise you've just got cannibals running around in the streets and we've got enough traffic problems as it is.”
— Gary Tolchuck, Aliens in America, Season 1: Purple Heart
Tagged: racism, Culture, Traditions, Border, Cannibals, Traffic, Snarky, Sassy, Ignorant People
“Gary: Look, son, it's OK to suck. But it's not OK to quit. And if that means making a fool of yourself in front of thousands and thousands of people, so be it.

Justin: There's only, like, 80 people out there.

Gary: Yeah, but it's gonna feel like thousands when they're throwing garbage at you...”
— Gary Tolchuck, Aliens in America, Season 1: My Musky, Myself
Tagged: suck, Fail, Failure, Fool, Snarky, humor
“Todd: Caucasian? What the hell's a Caucasian?

Mike: I don't know. They should go back to where they came from!”
— Todd Palladino, Aliens in America, Season 1: Homecoming
Tagged: Caucasian, racism, ignorant, Stupid, humor, Ironic
“Franny: Gary, they're teenagers. School is their job. Raja gets straight A's, but Claire really needs to get that history grade up. And Justin, he needs work on his physics...

Justin: Yeah.

Franny: ...social skills...

Justin: What?”
— Franny, Aliens in America, Season 1: Help Wanted
Tagged: teenagers, kids, School, physics, Social Skills, Insult, Rude, Snarky, Witty
“Claire: Dude, don't be embarrassed. You're not the one who kissed you.

Justin: Do you think it meant anything to her at all?

Claire: Oh yeah - she'll never forget you.

Justin: Really?

Claire: You're the biggest mistake she ever made - that lasts forever.”
— Claire Tolchuck, Aliens in America, Season 1: The Metamorphosis
Tagged: embarrassed, kiss, Regret, mistake, Insult, Snarky, Rude
“Sir, you should know that you are not going to find any evidence of terrorism. But you are going to find some very bad things on there. And that is because I used my computer to visit naughty websites of naked women.”
— Raja, Aliens in America, Season 1: Rocket Club
Tagged: Terrorism, Porn, naughty, Raunchy, The internet, Naked, Bad
“Jeffrey: I just wish there was something I could do to change her mind.

Gary: Well you can't play it cool, that ship has sailed.”
— Gary Tolchuck, Aliens in America, Season 1: No Man Is An Island
Tagged: Relationships, Family, cool, Playing It Cool, Snarky, Drama
“Raja: What prayers do you recite when you are upset?

Justin: I don't usually uh... I don't really pray that much. Usually I just, you know, like, eat a, eat a brownie or, uh, buy a CD.”
— Justin Tolchuck, Aliens in America, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Prayers, Religion, Pray, Brownie, CD, Capitalism, Witty, upset
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