Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom!

Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe?

Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down]

Officer Smy: SHIT!

Ursula: [Stifles a laugh]

Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the extra effort.

Ursula: Oh why... did you want me to wipe your ass?

Officer Smy: [Flustered] That's not what I meant! [With a pompous gesture] Well around MY house, my wife knows to refill the TP.

Ursula: I'm not your wife, Smy.

Officer Smy: No, and if you were, I'd take you down a peg or two.

Ursula: Oooooooh.”
Tagged: Toilet Paper, Shit, Fuck

Explore more quotes:

About the author

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.