Quotes tagged ‘Toilet Paper’

“Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom! Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe? Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down] Officer Smy: SHIT! Ursula: [Stifles a laugh] Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the ext…”

— Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske, Local Officer Smy, Michael Weaver, imdb.com

“Do you know why no one remembers your name? It's because no one wants to remember your name. There's too many Smiths, DiMattos and O'Keefes and O'Briens, who show up here, replacing Toccoa men that you dumb replacements got killed in the first place! And they're all like you! They're all piss and vi…”

— Erik Jendresen, John Orloff, Frank Perconte, James Madio, imdb.com

“How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“Wife: ‘Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?’ Husband: ‘Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?’ Wife: ‘I don’t get it.’ Husband: ‘Worked on your ass, didn’t it?’”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“Take toilet paper, for example. Do you realize that toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

“No, I don't have a square to spare, I can't spare a square.”

— Larry Charles, Jane, Jami Gertz, imdb.com

“Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.”

— purposelessperson, reddit.com