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The Office Quotes

“ I've never been a kiss up. It's just not how I operate. I mean I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, half-heartedly.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 5: Dream Team
Tagged: Kiss Up, Hardly Working, How to impress your boss
“Jim: Say that we're the tour managers for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets.

Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?

Jim: He...is a crime-fighting beaver.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 7: Todd Packer
Tagged: Justin Bieber, Fighting Crime
“I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before... try.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 4: Job Fair
Tagged: Working Hard, Hardly Working, Jobs
“I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 3: The Return
Tagged: The Universe
“I think it's great that the company's making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or...and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 4: Local Ad
Tagged: Dunder Mifflin, Paper company, Commercials
“In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 7: Classy Christmas
Tagged: Merry Christmas, Christmas, Fear
“Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Initiation
Tagged: Advice, hurts my feelings
“Ryan: Did you see Saw?

Dwight: Of course I see-saw. Mose and I see-saw all the time.

Ryan: No, uh, the movie. Did you see, the movie Saw.

Dwight: Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a see-saw.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 6: The Manager and the Salesman
Tagged: saw, Saw The Movie
“Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 8: Special Project
Tagged: Peacocks, Powerpoint Presentations
“The eyes are the groin of the face.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 4: Branch Wars
Tagged: Body Parts
“You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 5: The Duel
Tagged: Learn Your Rules, Nursery Rhymes
“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Training Day
Tagged: Working Hard or Hardly Working, Working Hard, Hardly Working
“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Goodbye, Toby
Tagged: Cheating, Don't Cheat
“I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it...”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism
Tagged: Summertime Fun
“Jim: Wow it's a little early for ice cream don't you think?

Michael: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It's comfort food, alright?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: It's Never Too Early For Ice Cream, comfort food
“Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?

Michael: I stole...and I robbed...and I kidnapped the president's son...and held him for ransom.


Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.


Michael: And I never got caught neither.


Jim: Well, you were in prison, but..mhm.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: Prison Mike, Prison
“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Mafia
Tagged: Confusion, Talking Too Much
“Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm going to go get me a New York slice!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Valentine's Day
Tagged: New york Pizza, New York City
“Ryan: Did this happen on company property?

Michael: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.


Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.


Michael: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Jeopardy, I'm Fine
“Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour
Tagged: Dating, Bad Dates
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: dementors, Worst Thing, Harry Potter reference, Prison Mike, Prison
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Money
Tagged: Responsibilities, Running Away From Your Problems
“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: I Don't Know What To Do
“Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.

Kelly: I know but there was an emergency. I look really good in white. ”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 3: Phyllis' Wedding
Tagged: Wedding Dress, What To Wear To A Wedding
“Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.

Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 3: Product Recall
Tagged: phone calls
“Growing up I performed my own circumcision.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 5: Baby Shower
Tagged: Circumcision
“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Product Recall
Tagged: Identity Theft
“I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Business School
Tagged: are vampires real, werewolves and vampires, mythical creatures
“I mean, I'm not a slut but who knows.”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 2: The Carpet
Tagged: what does it mean to be a slut, Live Your Best Life, relationships and hookups
“Kelly: Jim!!! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Sure! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named it Shiloh! And both babies are amazing! 

Jim: Wow! So, uh, what's new with you? 


Kelly: I just told you.”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 3: The Merger
Tagged: Celebrities, celebrities and their babies, why do we care about the lives of celebrities, celebrity relationships
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