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Michael Scott Quotes

Total quotes: 56
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation
Tagged: Wikipedia, Best Thing, World, subject, best possible, information, Collaboration
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Flaws, sing in showe, volunterring, sue me, Car, accident
“No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: downsizing, Patient, cancer, don't tell
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: Office, Dying, Life life, fullest, dreams come true
“Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel
Tagged: Sentence, Going, Hope, Start, lost
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Fight
Tagged: feared, Loved, Both
“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Training Day
Tagged: Working Hard or Hardly Working, Working Hard, Hardly Working
“I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Launch Party
Tagged: Hate, terrible, don't like it
“I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Superstitious, little, stitous, Words
“I am Beyonce, always.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Beyonce, Always, Fierce, Iconic
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: dementors, Worst Thing, Harry Potter reference, Prison Mike, Prison
“I say dance, they say 'How high?'”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: St. Patrick's Day
Tagged: dance, jump, how high, misworded
“Dwight you ignorant sl**.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Safety Training
Tagged: Iconic, ignorant, Slut
“I want you to rub butter on my foot...Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury
Tagged: butter, Foot, Country Crock, Pain, Relief
“About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: Sick, Symptoms, Concerned, Sick Day
“I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Basketball
Tagged: sinking, nothing but net, african american, jaws
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Women's Appreciation
Tagged: Man, understands, Women, Fool
“I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it...”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism
Tagged: Summertime Fun
“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: Human Resources, corporate, Family, divorced
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Gun, shot
“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Client
Tagged: cold, train, dead, Stiff, expressionless
“I don't come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: forward, Arrest, Guy, passing drugs
“Friends joke with one another. 'Hey, you're poor.' 'Hey, your momma's dead.' That's what friends do.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: The Deposition
Tagged: Friendship, Best Friends, Friends
“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go. ”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics
Tagged: would not miss it, World, not go, contradictory
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: receptionist, Cute, years, Younger
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: boss, teaching others, Dancing, leader
“Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.’”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party
Tagged: presents, Care, Love, dollars, Money
“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: hospital, save, Okay, Anticlimactic
“Gabe Lewis: Michael, you've just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?

Michael Scott: Yes. Of course. What's this in reference to?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism
Tagged: Assault, Work, Employees, punishment, humor, awkward, Dense
“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: I Don't Know What To Do
“Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour
Tagged: Dating, Bad Dates
“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Mafia
Tagged: Confusion, Talking Too Much
“How to take off a woman's bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Ben Franklin
Tagged: Woman, bra, Twist, hands, Breaks
“Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm going to go get me a New York slice!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Valentine's Day
Tagged: New york Pizza, New York City
“Jim: Wow it's a little early for ice cream don't you think?

Michael: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It's comfort food, alright?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: It's Never Too Early For Ice Cream, comfort food
“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: Die, Death, Barack Obama, President, african american
“I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury
Tagged: special treatment, family member, physical trauma, too much to ask
“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: beautiful memory, Staff, New York, suck
“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt
Tagged: gay, gay affair, Theory
“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day
Tagged: Offensive, lame, environment, welcoming, Get Out, contradictory
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