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Larry Charles Quotes

Total quotes: 67
“Elaine: Where’s Kramer?

Jerry: Who knows? It’s like asking where’s Waldo.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Heart Attack
Tagged: Where's Waldo?
“I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Subway
Tagged: Lesbianism, Men Suck, Misandry, Dating
“I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Old Man
Tagged: Sexual Harassment, Fantasies
“Ari: Chang Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.


Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.”
— Vincent Chase, Entourage, Season 2: Chinatown
Tagged: Director, Tarantino, steal, best
“What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It's not like I'm running a marathon, I'm just lying there.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Keys
Tagged: Sleep, Thirst
“Y’know, there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody's house, the families go to war.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Outing
Tagged: Indonesia, War
“Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Old Man
Tagged: Quitting, quitters, Heredity
“I really don't remember, I was kinda out of it for the first couple of days, I was on a lot of medications, it was kinda like a haze, it's pretty cool.”
— Tony, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Mimbo, Pain Medication
“Johnny: Break-up sex? Never heard of it.

Eric: Yeah, you know, you have sex and then that's it, you say goodbye.

Johnny: That's the only kind of sex I have.”
— Johnny "Drama" Chase, Entourage, Season 1: Talk Show
Tagged: Sex, breakup, Intimacy
“Ari: This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow.

Eric: I'll shove my elfin foot up in your ass!”
— Eric Murphy, Entourage, Season 2: The Boys Are Back in Town
Tagged: Patience, cultures, Flow, Sassy
“I was living in twilight, George. Living in the shadows. Living in the darkness...like you.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Keys
Tagged: Despair, Hitting Bottom, Shadows, Darkness, insults
“It's all a bunch of cheapskates in there anyway. People sitting around reading the newspaper attached to huge wooden sticks. Trying to save a quarter, ooh.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Libraries, Cheapness
“I left three messages. I can't believe this woman. She has sex with me, leaves ten minutes later, then I never hear from her again. What kind of a person does this? I mean, she used me. I feel cheap and violated.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Fix-Up
Tagged: Voicemail, Ghosting, Sex, Violation
“And what is emotional confusion, you ask? It's like running naked through a cornfield, backwards at midnight.”
— Gary Busey, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
Tagged: Confusion, Emotional, Simile Examples, Runner, Naked
“Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot with no guts.

Ari: Geez, you're gonna spin off this planet. I love it!”
— Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
Tagged: Guts, Maggot, Insult, planet
“I mean the problem is that the good ones know they're good. And they know they're in such demand they're just not interested in confining themselves to one person.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Fix-Up
Tagged: Dating, Good Guys, Players
“I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Fix-Up
Tagged: Hope, Indifference, Attraction, Hopelessness
“She missed her period? Oh my god. I can't believe it! I'm a father! I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Fix-Up
Tagged: menstruation, Sperm, periods, Fertility, Pregnancy
“Astroturf? You know who's responsible for that, don't you?! The Jews! Ah, the Jews hate grass. They always have, they always will.”
— George Costanza,
Tagged: Astroturf, Anti-Semitism
“Someday, before I die, mark my words—I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Baby Shower
Tagged: Revenge, forgiveness
“I'm having a planned C-section. My therapist told me if I go through labor, I might get psychotic.”
— Leslie, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Baby Shower
Tagged: Pregnancy, C-Section, Psychosis
“Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? You ever have a man die in your arms? You ever kill somebody?”
— Lieutenant Bookman, the "Library Cop", Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Police, Interrogators, Feelings
“Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like?”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Old Man
Tagged: Dating, Compatibility, friendzone
“Are you kidding, he's a mimbo, I know that…but he's my mimbo, you know even if he is a hideous freak maybe, maybe I can learn to love him, maybe in some final irony, I'll learn what love really is.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Superficiality, Mimbo, Attraction, Love
“I mean, Bozo the Clown...does he really need ‘the clown’ in his title, as clown? Bozo, ‘the’ clown? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the district attorney? Bozo the pope? There's no other Bozo.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Fire
Tagged: Bozo the Clown, Clowns, Pope, Redundancy
“Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all…is that irony?”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Baby Shower
Tagged: Lust, Women, Irony, manipulation
“You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.”
— Lieutenant Bookman, the "Library Cop", Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Coffee, Freeze-Dried Coffee, Preparedness
“I remember when the librarian was a much older woman: Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't WANT to know anything about her private life. She didn't HAVE a private life.”
— Lieutenant Bookman, the "Library Cop", Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Librarians, Spinsters, Privacy
“I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking: ‘That's why I'm not heterosexual.’”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Subway
Tagged: Lesbianism, Attraction, Unattractiveness
“I hate asking for change. They always make a face. Like I'm asking them to donate a kidney.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Trip
Tagged: Making Change, Money
“Poor little Bubble Boy. He's sitting there waiting for you in his bubble, or igloo thing or whatever.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Bubble Boy
Tagged: Illness, Oxygen Tent
“He's the first cool guy I've ever been friends with in my whole life. You know…it's a different world when you're with a cool guy, he's not afraid of anybody. You should hear the way he talks to waitresses…he gets free pie!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Male Bimbos, Alpha Males, Bromance
“I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I've never had a normal, medium orgasm.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Heart Attack
Tagged: orgasm, Delayed Orgasm, Premature Ejaculation
“Yes! Yes! Everybody has to like me. I must be liked!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Masseuse
Tagged: Being Liked, Insecurity
“No, I don't have a square to spare, I can't spare a square.”
— Jane, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Toilet Paper, Generosity
“We just tease someone 'til they develop an eating disorder.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Cruelty, Gossip, Mean Girls, eating disorders, bullying
“You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Libraries, After Hours
“Winners don’t make excuses when the other side plays the game.”
— Harvey Specter, Suits, Season 7: Skin in the Game
Tagged: winners, excuses, Game
“To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there...you're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's goin' on.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Fire
Tagged: Birthdays, Birthday Parties, Infancy, Senility, old age
“I'm the fucking game, pal.”
— Johnny "Drama" Chase, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
Tagged: Game, Pal, End Game
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