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Judd Apatow Quotes

Total quotes: 24
“I just want to be older so I can go to bars. Everything fun in this world happens in bars.”
— Ken Miller, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: bars, Fun, Drinking Age
“Sam: What's non-alcoholic beer?

Bill: It's beer but without that ingredient that makes you drunk.

Neal: Alcohol?

Bill: Yeah.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Beers and Weirs
Tagged: Non-Alcoholic Beer, Alcohol
“Jean: Nobody's home. You wanna have a little sex?

Harold: Sex?! Well, okay.”
— Jean Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Sex
“Sam Weir: Is this the best cereal you've got?

Neal Schweiber: I don't know. I never eat breakfast. I just have my coffee.

Bill Haverchuck: Before or after you shave?”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: breakfast, Coffee, cereal, shaving, Slacker, slovenly, Lazy
“Well, everybody's got parents, Jean, even hookers. Remember that TV movie we saw?”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: Parents, Hookers, TV Movie
“Lindsay: God! We used to love Mac Davis, remember?

Millie: Yeah. You used to say you wished you had pillows stuffed with his hair.”
— Millie Kentner, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Chokin' and Tokin'
Tagged: Mac Davis, 1970s, Rock Stars, Fans
“You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone.”
— Ben Stone, Knocked Up
Tagged: Sex
“Millie: You're high!

Lindsay: How could you tell?

Millie: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.”
— Millie Kentner, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Chokin' and Tokin'
Tagged: high, stoned, Rock Concerts, Seals and Crofts
“Sometimes I block people not because they are abusive, but because I want to pretend I live in a world where they don't exist.”
— Judd Apatow
Tagged: Stay Out of My Life, People Are Annoying, Quote of the Moment
“I hate astrology. What, everybody born in the same month is gonna have the same life?”
— Daniel Desario, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Astrology, Superstition
“Sam: Think we could be arrested for making prank calls?

Neal: Yeah, and we'll get sent to telephone prison.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: Prank Calls, Arrested, Telephone Prison
“Lindsay, do you know what happens when you put a rotten banana in a fruit bowl? All the other bananas go rotten. And that's what Kim Kelly is: a bad banana.”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: banana, Rotten Banana, Fruit Bowl, Bad Banana
“Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off, and I'll throw it over that fence.”
— Kim Kelly, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: irrational, Violence, Irony, Threats
“Mr. Rosso: How dumb do I look?

Ken: Do you really wanna know?”
— Jeff Rosso, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Chokin' and Tokin'
Tagged: dumb, Honesty
“They have just completely shut down critical content about human rights abuses in China.”
— Judd Apatow, Judd Apatow Calls Out Hollywood Censorship on Human Rights
“Politics has ruined Twitter. People used to talk about silly things on there, about comedy, about culture. Now everyone’s just mad all the time.”
— Judd Apatow, In Conversation: Judd Apatow
Tagged: Politics, Twitter
“Sam: So this is what having a girlfriend is gonna be like? She is your best friend, she is beautiful, you can say and do anything in front of her.

Neal: Well, my dad always says that's what something what women want you to think before you marry them. That's how they suck you in.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Girlfriend, Best friend, Marriage, Deception
“[prank calling] Fredericks? You're a turd. A stinky f-fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poop head. You love patting boys' butts. You love patting boys' butts. Butt...you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser... and a stinky...t-turd!
[hangs up]”
— Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: The Diary
Tagged: Fredericks of Hollywood, Prank Calls, Jock Strap, Butts, Loser, turd
“If you died, the world would blur.”
— Adam Sackler, Girls, Season 3: Deep Inside
Tagged: Blur, dead, World
“I know what I used to say to Seth Rogen: ‘Less jizz, more heart.”
— Judd Apatow, In Conversation
Tagged: Seth Rogan, Writing, Funny
“Lindsay Weir: What if all of this is a dream, and it isn't even our dream, it's that dog's dream? Maybe we're just existing in his mind and all of a sudden he'll go drink out of the toilet and we'll be gone. What will happen to us if that dog wakes up? It will be over.

Millie Kentner: Life is not that dog's dream.”
— Lindsay Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Chokin' and Tokin'
Tagged: Dream, Dog's Dream, Reality Check
“I know who I am as a storyteller: I want to feel hope about people’s abilities to incrementally learn. This is related to the reason why you don’t see movies and television about Republican and conservative ideas — because Republicans are trying to present themselves as correct, as clean, as Mike Pence–y. Unlike them, I want people who actually evolve.”
— Judd Apatow, In Conversation
Tagged: Politics, Redemption
“Harold: I guess you'd prefer we listen to that punk rock music I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience! Yep, that's what I wanna do. Spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment...Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.

Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.

Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Beers and Weirs
Tagged: Punk, punk rock, Sex PIstols, Elvis Presley, Paradise
“You can hardly stand to be around us. When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you and we cleaned your butts when you pooped and we loved it. Now, we try to pat you on the head and you run for the hills. Well, I'm fed up. We are going to be close from now on whether you like it or not. We're going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damn it!”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Quality Time, Child Rearing
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