Stephen Falk Quotes

Total quotes (32)

Stephen Falk

Stephen Falk

Birthname

Birthday April 25, 1972

Birthplace United States

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Screenwriter

Total quotes (32)

Gretchen: You're gay.

Shitstain: No. But this nigga sucks really good dick.

— Shitstain (Darrell Britt-Gibson), You're the Worst, Season 1: Keys Open Doors

gay Head Sucking Dick

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This is our love story… and our story is chaotic, but love is chaos. It's the only game in town I've played.

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst, Season 4: Fog of War, Bro

Love What Is Love?Romantic

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You thought you could master me. But I'm a person. I'm not one of your hobbies.

— Lindsay (Kether Donohue), You're the Worst (TV Series 2014– )

Break Up Love Quarrel

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I bought in! Finally, after a lifetime of being too goddamn scared and you punished me for it! It just confirmed what I’ve always known; at the end of the day I’m unlovable, fundamentally, always have been.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 4: It's Always Been This Way

Commitment Issues I Hate Myself Afraid To Love Unlovable

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I guess, in the end, we were just two stars born lightyears apart. You need to find someone in your own constellation.

— Paul, You're the Worst (TV Series 2014– )

Break Up Not Meant To Be Together Finding Love Again

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Well, as my Grandma used to say, it's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 1: Keys Open Doors

Shameless one-night stand Slut Shaming Sex Advice

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I’m not a sidekick! I’m Beyoncé, not Kelly Rowland. If I’m on a motorcycle, I’m driving the motorcycle, not riding in that shitty little side motorcycle thingy for poor people and dogs.

— Lindsay Jillian (Kether Donohue), You're the Worst, Season 1: Equally Dead Inside

LOL Narcissistic

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You're what this town calls a tweener. You're not hot enough to be the lead, and not fat enough to be the funny friend.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem

Tweener fat Skinny Hot

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Improv is the lowest form of comedy. That whole school of yours is just a bunch of actors so janky-looking, no one will write lines for them, so you have to make them up yourself.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem

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Well, as my Grandma used to say, it's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame. See you later. Thanks for doing all the sex stuff on me.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 1: Keys Open Doors

Walk of Shame Grandma Shame Sex Stuff

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What? Whoa. What? So he porks her and you have to watch? What? Damn, that's crazy! Jesus, why doesn't anything cool ever happen to me?

— Vernon Barbara (Todd Robert Anderson), You're the Worst, Season 3: The Seventh Layer

Cuckolding cool Ironic

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Have you ever had a day that starts with one bad decision? And then... it's just a cascade of bad decisions, until you're like, "Well, might as well burn down the whole town tonight"?

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet

Fuck It Life Sucks Growing Pains

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Look! These guys rely on me to come up with awesome, cool, underground cultural shit to do every single week. You know how much pressure that puts on me? I got shingles trying to find a new Ethiopian restaurant.

— hipster (Thomas Middleditch), You're the Worst, Season 1: Sunday Funday

Hipsters Underground Ethiopian Restaurant Shingles

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I'm a terrible patient. When I had the mumps, Mother threatened to send me to foster care.

— Paul Jillian (Allan McLeod), You're the Worst, Season 3: Fix Me, Dummy

Foster Care Medical Patients

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Dishonesty to spare someone’s feelings belittles everyone involved, but dishonesty to get free stuff is just smart economics!

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst, Season 1: Insouciance

broke Dishonesty Poverty Hacks

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To be a slave to an idea of coolness is why some of your friends never grow and in the end are actually less themselves, and counterintuitively live less authentic lives than the buyers-in.

— Lexi (Tara Summers), You're the Worst, Season 2: LCD Soundsystem

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You know this is the best time, right? It is all downhill from here, for real. I mean, you do get hotter, and get to do or eat whatever you want, and that’s awesome, but things are new right now. And you feel things so hard and that is beautiful.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet

Youth Growing Pains Enjoy Your Life Teenage life

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Thank you for being alone with me.

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst, Season 4: This Is Just Marketing

Romantic Healthy Relationship

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There comes a day when every relationship turns gross old and boring, like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner… You go home tonight and you dress up real slutty and you do butt stuff with your boyfriend for all of us who let love die to become ordinary.

— Lindsay Jillian (Kether Donohue), You're the Worst, Season 2: The Sweater People

LOL Sex Advice Relationship Advice Marriage

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Gretchen: You know, after I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.

Jimmy: Don't tell me.

Gretchen: Okay. I won't. [pause] I love you, too.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 2: The Heart Is a Dumb Dumb

dark I Love You

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There is horrible sadness and pain coming, and we’re inviting in.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 1: Fists and Feet and Stuff

Commitment Issues

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Gretchen: You just spit on my vagina.

Jimmy: So?

Gretchen: Don't!

Jimmy: Why?

Gretchen: Why don't spit on my vagina?

Jimmy: It's saliva. It's gonna get there anyway.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 1: Pilot

Spitting Vaginas Spitting on Vaginas

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You're just not a great bet to invest too deeply in.

— Heidi (Zosia Mamet), You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet

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Ew, books are gross.

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 3: The Last Sunday Funday

Anti-Reading Illiteracy Gross Books

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Why is it so hard to find someone to get close with?

— Lindsay Jillian (Kether Donohue), You're the Worst, Season 4: There's Always a Back Door

Social Anxiety Alone Friendless Single Looking For Love

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You gotta honor the end of the relationship.

— Vernon (Todd Robert Anderson), You're the Worst, Season 4: A Bunch of Hornballs

Breakup Advice Break Up Divorce Moving On

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I know you had family shit and you couldn't be yourself around them, but you'd straight-up act like someone different depending on who you were with, then pretty soon there's no real Gretchen. We'd be best friends on Friday, and on the Monday you'd look right through me. You're just not a great bet to invest too deeply in. Everyone liked you or wanted you, but no one knew you.

— Heidi (Zosia Mamet), You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet

Family Shit BFFs

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The vast majority of all human effort, however great or minuscule, ends in failure. So what are your options? You just admit pre-defeat that odds are you’re going to be right or you do it anyway. Maybe we’re a success regardless of the outcome, because we tried. Maybe there’s beauty in the struggle against near certain failure.

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst (TV Series 2014– )

Trying perseverance Failure Never Give Up Break Up

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No, seriously, Jimmy, I feel such empathy for you, being a writer. I mean, everyone feels sorry for kids forced to work in the diamond mines in Sierra Leone, but where is the telethon for the noble writer? Bravely drinking coffee, spilling his blood to get his feelings out, filling two, maybe three whole pages before his heroic effort is cut short by the desire to watch Internet porn or get a snack! All of you! Sucking the air out of the room with your self-pity-riddled non-problems!

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem

Sierra Leone Writers Coffee Internet Porn

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Ferris just wants to show Cameron a fun day for once in his pathetic little life, but Cameron acts like a whiny knob the whole time, subverting every attempt at fun with his passive-aggressive anxiety and relentless nay-saying, essentially ruining what might be Ferris's last day of freedom by being a miserable, agoraphobic, cockblocking enemy of fun!

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst, Season 1: Insouciance

Ferris Bueller's Day Off Cameron Passive-Aggressive Anxiety Miserable Agoraphobic Cockblocking

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I just moved in with my boyfriend and I don't have any stuff except for a food processor and, like, nineteen thongs, because even though at first we were like, 'I am not wearing that,' the patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed to the feeling of a fabric rope against my actual asshole all day. And anyway, even if I did buy the stuff of a life, there's nowhere for me to put it because I'm not sure this dude really wanted me to move in because I'm an irresponsible monster who burned down her apartment with her vibrator!

— Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash), You're the Worst, Season 2: Crevasses

Food Processor Patriarchy Boyfriend vibrator

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In battle, we risk all for a taste of the immortal. In retreat, sure, we lose nothing, but what we gain is far worse than nothing: Ignominy. And shame. We don't give up because they make us. We give up because we're lazy! Or would rather drink and watch Treehouse Masters. Plus, no one tells my girl she can't go to their bar!

— Jimmy Shive-Overly (Chris Geere), You're the Worst, Season 3: The Last Sunday Funday

Battle Immortal Ignominy Shame Treehouse Masters

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