I just moved in with my boyfriend and I don't have any stuff except for a food processor and, like, nineteen thongs, because even though at first we were like, 'I am not wearing that,' the patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed…
Catalog
Gretchen Cutler
The patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed to the feeling of a fabric rope against my actual asshole all day.
How am I not arm candy for some international movie star with a giant dong? He's part owner of a cool tech company and invents apps when he's not dick-punching Peter Sarsgaard in his latest movie. Sometimes we talk about adopting a kid from a third-world country, but we never do it. And we live in a…
Oh, my God, that is so sexist and mansplainy! You a Gamergater? Am I living with a Gamergater?
Well, as my Grandma used to say, it's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame. See you later. Thanks for doing all the sex stuff on me.
Well, as my Grandma used to say, it's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame.
Have you ever had a day that starts with one bad decision? And then... it's just a cascade of bad decisions, until you're like, "Well, might as well burn down the whole town tonight"?
You know this is the best time, right? It is all downhill from here, for real. I mean, you do get hotter, and get to do or eat whatever you want, and that’s awesome, but things are new right now. And you feel things so hard and that is beautiful.
No, seriously, Jimmy, I feel such empathy for you, being a writer. I mean, everyone feels sorry for kids forced to work in the diamond mines in Sierra Leone, but where is the telethon for the noble writer? Bravely drinking coffee, spilling his blood to get his feelings out, filling two, maybe three…
You're what this town calls a tweener. You're not hot enough to be the lead, and not fat enough to be the funny friend.
Improv is the lowest form of comedy. That whole school of yours is just a bunch of actors so janky-looking, no one will write lines for them, so you have to make them up yourself.