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You're the Worst Quotes

“I know you had family shit and you couldn't be yourself around them, but you'd straight-up act like someone different depending on who you were with, then pretty soon there's no real Gretchen. We'd be best friends on Friday, and on the Monday you'd look right through me. You're just not a great bet to invest too deeply in. Everyone liked you or wanted you, but no one knew you.”
— Heidi, You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet
Tagged: Family Shit, BFFs
“The world is absolutely lousy with people, and I hate them all. I hate everyone but you.”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 3: No Longer Just Us
Tagged: Hate, Misanthropy
“Jimmy: Oh, speak for yourself. I'm not the one who flung my sandwich like a upset chimp at the zoo.
Gretchen: I threw it because I realized I was living with an uptight dildo whose personality unmakes itself anytime something bad happens.
Jimmy: Says the woman who spent weeks catatonic on the couch in crusty yoga pants.
Gretchen: I have a clinical goddamn illness!”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 3: You Knew It Was a Snake
Tagged: dildo, Sandwich, Catatonic, yoga pants, Clinical Illness
“What? Whoa. What? So he porks her and you have to watch? What? Damn, that's crazy! Jesus, why doesn't anything cool ever happen to me?”
— Vernon Barbara, You're the Worst, Season 3: The Seventh Layer
Tagged: Cuckolding, cool, Ironic
“Look what I made! I went to Kinko's. Talked to some undergrads making a 'zine. It's a lovely place. Anyway, turns out I've been living my entire life in opposition to my father. And now that he's dead, I have no idea who I really am. Am I even a writer? Who knows? Maybe I'm meant to be a master carpenter/tree-house architect/singer-songwriter. Anyways, although my zoo animals are likely dead or escaped, I'd like to thank you for taking that router and forcing me to explore the world. Okay. I'm gonna go into the backyard and test some branches for load-bearing capacity.”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 3: Genetically Inferior Beta Males
Tagged: Kinko's, Zines, Singer-Songwriters
“You know, when we had that moment in the pub, I thought to myself, 'After 33 years, I'm finally having a real moment with my father.' Can't believe what a fool I was. There wasn't a shred of truth in that moment. You were lying the whole time. You were dying, you didn't say a word. All you had to do was say, 'Hey, Jimmy, this might be the last time I get to see you. Is there anything you'd like to say?' And that way, despite decades of neglecting, withholding, general assholery, I could have had a modicum of closure. Goddamn you! I can hear you laughing at the word 'modicum' as I speak. Well, guess what. I'm getting my closure right now. You do not get to affect me anymore! So long, Dad.”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 3: The Only Thing That Helps
Tagged: Assholery, Modicum, Neglect, Eulogies
“In battle, we risk all for a taste of the immortal. In retreat, sure, we lose nothing, but what we gain is far worse than nothing: Ignominy. And shame. We don't give up because they make us. We give up because we're lazy! Or would rather drink and watch Treehouse Masters. Plus, no one tells my girl she can't go to their bar!”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 3: The Last Sunday Funday
Tagged: Battle, Immortal, Ignominy, Shame, Treehouse Masters
“Ew, books are gross.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 3: The Last Sunday Funday
Tagged: Anti-Reading, Illiteracy, Gross, Books
“Gretchen: You know, after I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.

Jimmy: Don't tell me.

Gretchen: Okay. I won't. [pause] I love you, too.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 2: The Heart Is a Dumb Dumb
Tagged: dark, I Love You
“I thought all English people were fancy, but these are like Alabama English people.”
— Lindsay Jillian, You're the Worst, Season 2: A Right Proper Story
Tagged: English People, Alabama, Rural Stereotypes, Redneck Stereotypes, Anti-Rural Prejudice
“No, seriously, Jimmy, I feel such empathy for you, being a writer. I mean, everyone feels sorry for kids forced to work in the diamond mines in Sierra Leone, but where is the telethon for the noble writer? Bravely drinking coffee, spilling his blood to get his feelings out, filling two, maybe three whole pages before his heroic effort is cut short by the desire to watch Internet porn or get a snack! All of you! Sucking the air out of the room with your self-pity-riddled non-problems!”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem
Tagged: Sierra Leone, Writers, Coffee, Internet Porn
“You're what this town calls a tweener. You're not hot enough to be the lead, and not fat enough to be the funny friend.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem
Tagged: Tweener, fat, Skinny, Hot
“ Improv is the lowest form of comedy. That whole school of yours is just a bunch of actors so janky-looking, no one will write lines for them, so you have to make them up yourself.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 2: There Is Not Currently a Problem
Tagged: Improv, comedy
“Ferris just wants to show Cameron a fun day for once in his pathetic little life, but Cameron acts like a whiny knob the whole time, subverting every attempt at fun with his passive-aggressive anxiety and relentless nay-saying, essentially ruining what might be Ferris's last day of freedom by being a miserable, agoraphobic, cockblocking enemy of fun!”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 1: Insouciance
Tagged: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Cameron, Passive-Aggressive, Anxiety, Miserable, Agoraphobic, Cockblocking
“Why is it so hard to find someone to get close with?”
— Lindsay Jillian, You're the Worst, Season 4: There's Always a Back Door
Tagged: Social Anxiety, Alone, Friendless, Single, Looking For Love
“You're just not a great bet to invest too deeply in.”
— Heidi, You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet
Tagged: Break Up Lines
“Dishonesty to spare someone’s feelings belittles everyone involved, but dishonesty to get free stuff is just smart economics!”
— Jimmy Shive-Overly, You're the Worst, Season 1: Insouciance
Tagged: broke, Dishonesty, Poverty Hacks
“I’m not a sidekick! I’m Beyoncé, not Kelly Rowland. If I’m on a motorcycle, I’m driving the motorcycle, not riding in that shitty little side motorcycle thingy for poor people and dogs.”
— Lindsay Jillian, You're the Worst, Season 1: Equally Dead Inside
Tagged: LOL, Narcissistic
“There comes a day when every relationship turns gross old and boring, like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner… You go home tonight and you dress up real slutty and you do butt stuff with your boyfriend for all of us who let love die to become ordinary.”
— Lindsay Jillian, You're the Worst, Season 2: The Sweater People
Tagged: LOL, Sex Advice, Relationship Advice, Marriage
“You know this is the best time, right? It is all downhill from here, for real. I mean, you do get hotter, and get to do or eat whatever you want, and that’s awesome, but things are new right now. And you feel things so hard and that is beautiful.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 4: Not a Great Bet
Tagged: Youth, Growing Pains, Enjoy Your Life, Teenage life
“If 'I love you' is like a promise, it's just a promise to try real hard. It doesn't mean you can't fail.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 3: Try Real Hard
Tagged: Commitment Issues, I Love You, Relationships
“Well, as my Grandma used to say, it's only a walk of shame if you're capable of feeling shame.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 1: Keys Open Doors
Tagged: Shameless, one-night stand, Slut Shaming, Sex Advice
“Look at me. You knew it was a snake when you picked it up. You knew who I was. You don't get to act surprised now.”
— Lindsay Jillian, You're the Worst, Season 3: You Knew It Was a Snake
Tagged: Break Up
“I know you don't want to hear this, but the minute you stop looking for someone else to cure you, maybe you start living again.”
— Tow Truck Driver, You're the Worst, Season 3: Twenty-Two
Tagged: Healing, Self-Care, Healing Yourself, Life Tips
“The patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed to the feeling of a fabric rope against my actual asshole all day.”
— Gretchen Cutler, You're the Worst, Season 2: Crevasses
Tagged: LMAO, Underwear, Beauty Standards, patriarchal society, Beauty Industry
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