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Josh Thomas Quotes

Total quotes: 130
“You know what they say about Harleys and hemorrhoids? Sooner or later every asshole gets one.”
— Alan, Please Like Me, Season 1: Horrible Sandwiches
Tagged: Harley, Hemorrhoid, joke
“Don't really get the big spoon, little spoon thing. Surely, they'd be the same sized spoons.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: Rhubarb and Custard
Tagged: spooning, Cuddles, Critical
“She bamboozled you by talking about periods. That's very cunning.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: Spanish Eggs
Tagged: Bamboozled, period, pregnant, Cunning
“There's nothing like a call from your dad to make your erection go away.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: French Toast
Tagged: Call, erection, Turn Off, Bad Timing
“It’s like we’re grown-ups. This is it. We’re practicing anymore.”
— Claire, Please Like Me, Season 3: Pancakes With Faces
Tagged: Grown-Ups, practice, Adulthood
“I should be the foremost expert on what’s good for me, but I’m not.”
— Ella, Please Like Me, Season 3: Natural Spring Water
Tagged: Expert, Good Things, Good For Me
“Josh: You know, I love feminism, you know. I mean I basically am feminism.

Ella: I just absolutely don’t believe you. 

Josh: I will never open a door for you. Never. Not ever.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Babaganoush
Tagged: feminism, Feminist, Opening Doors
“I think if anyone knew what was going on in my head, it would be impossible for them to like me.”
— Arnold, Please Like Me, Season 3: Eggplant
Tagged: Impossibility, Relationships, Mind, Thoughts
“Josh: You seem upset. 

Hannah: You seem observant.”
— Hannah, Please Like Me, Season 4: Porridge
Tagged: Sad, Observant, Sassy
“Josh: What can I do to make today less shit for you? 

Arnold: Love me.”
— Arnold, Please Like Me, Season 3: Christmas Trifle
Tagged: Love, Suck less, helpful
“It’s weird, because I don’t want to be in the threesome, but I do feel very left out.”
— Ella, Please Like Me, Season 4: Babaganoush
Tagged: Weird, threesome, Left Out
“That generation just finds sex things so freakin’ funny. I reckon internet porn ruined that for us.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Babaganoush
Tagged: Funny, Sex, Porn, Ruined
“I just feel like the amount of time I spent trying to massage this relationship I could have learned the clarinet.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Porridge
Tagged: massage, Relationship, Clarinet
“You’re always trying to start a fight. A pathological quest for stimulus.”
— Arnold, Please Like Me, Season 4: Porridge
Tagged: Fight, Stimulus, upset
“I think she is better off with two happy parents apart, than two sad ones together.”
— Mae, Please Like Me, Season 3: Natural Spring Water
Tagged: Divorce, Happy, Parents, Relationships
“I don't know how to do caring. I don't even know how to care for myself. I never floss.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: Rhubarb and Custard
Tagged: Care, caring, Floss, Take Care Of Yourself
“Josh: I'm almost definitely gonna be Young Australian of the Year for this.

Tom: More like Young Dick-face of the Year.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: Rhubarb and Custard
Tagged: award, Sassy, Comeback
“I just really think I'm going to miss vaginas. They just- They just make so much sense, Tom, you know? So nifty.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: French Toast
Tagged: Nifty, Vagina, missing a friend
“The thing that freaks me out about having a kid is that you could get one and it could be shit. It could be a douche. Then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: All You Can Eat
Tagged: kid, Scared, Freaked Out , worries
“You want your own genitals to be soft and safe and welcoming and mine are sharp.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 2: Parmigiana
Tagged: genitals, Soft, Safe, welcoming, Sharp
“I'll never understand why middle class white people think that Asians are magic.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 2: Gang Keow Wan
Tagged: Understand, Question, Magic
“Putting your penis anywhere when you're a teenager is fun. Plus, I tried to have sex with a watermelon.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 2: Scroggin
Tagged: Sex, teenager, Horny, Watermelon
“Josh: Why were you trying to put your penis in a toilet roll? 

Tom: Because I'm curious-- I'm a curious guy.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Ham
Tagged: penis, size, curious, Questions
“I just got embarrassed crying in front of you so I'm gonna go home and cry alone.”
— Geoffrey, Please Like Me, Season 2: Parmigiana
Tagged: embarrassed, Crying, cry, Alone
“I've never seen meerkats and a sad person at the same time. It's like a weird art installation.”
— Arnold, Please Like Me, Season 2: Lapin A La Cocotte
Tagged: Meerkats, Sad, Simile Examples, Art Installation
“I was just jerking off my soul, trying to glean a smug self satisfaction.”
— Ella, Please Like Me, Season 3: Coq Au Vin
Tagged: Soul, Self Satisfication
“If you hear any noise, any at all that isn’t muttering apologies, then you should interject.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 3: Puff Pastry Pizza
Tagged: noises, Apologies, Interject
“Sometimes I wonder how there is anyone in the world that doesn’t have worms.”
— Arnold, Please Like Me, Season 3: Amoxicillin
Tagged: World, Worms, Wondering
“I’m sick of things ending like it’s sad or a Harry Potter finish. Or it’s awful to think about Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t hot anymore.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Babaganoush
Tagged: Ending, Sad, Harry Potter, Leonardo DiCaprio, Hot
“I feel the same way as I do when people tell me they like cats, you know? I can't look at them from the outside and try and find sense or purpose.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Souvlaki
Tagged: Cat Person, Sense, purpose
“If someone offered me heroin, right now, in this moment, I would say yes.”
— Nicholas, Everything's Gonna Be Okay, Season 1: Seven-Spotted Ladybug
Tagged: Heroin, Melodramtic , moment
“Dad, I don't think the amount of sport you play as a child is in direct ratio to the men who enjoy kissing boys.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: Portuguese Custard Tarts
Tagged: Sports, kiss, Boy, LGBTQIA
“Geoffrey: And I want to give you all of me, the best parts and the worst. 

Josh: Why do I have to put up with the worst parts?”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 1: Spanish Eggs
Tagged: best, worst, Relationship, Love
“I think maybe the reason people don't respond to you well in night clubs is because of your sad-as shit face.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Milk
Tagged: Reason, Response, Sad, face, Nightclubs
“People die and it's horrible and there's just nothing anyone can do to make it better.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 2: Parmigiana
Tagged: Die, Death, horrible, Sad
“So, sometimes, I put my penis in your son's butt. But also, I mean, I do not litter! ”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 3: Croquembouche
Tagged: Litter, Sex, Relationships
“I've decided relationships aren't for me. I'm not doing them. I'm done with love.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Margherita
Tagged: Relationships, Love, Couples
“Isn’t it weird to think that Beyoncé was a baby once? You almost just don’t believe it.”
— Ella, Please Like Me, Season 3: Christmas Trifle
Tagged: Baby, Beyonce, Thoughts, Belief
“If I had a choice of going to this dinner or eating poop, like I would absolutely of course pick the dinner, but I would pause a little bit before deciding.”
— Josh, Please Like Me, Season 4: Babaganoush
Tagged: Dinner, Poop, Hesitation, Choices
“I thought that my politics would keep me safe from my feelings and I was wrong.”
— Claire, Please Like Me, Season 3: Pancakes With Faces
Tagged: Feelings, Wrong, Political View
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