Jennifer Crittenden Quotes

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Jennifer Crittenden

Jennifer Crittenden

Birthname

Birthday August 29, 1969

Birthplace Laguna Beach, California, United States

Educated At Wesleyan University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Screenwriter

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Total quotes (29)

We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Ricans Festive

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Mom, look, I found something more fun than complaining!

— Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith), The Simpsons, Season 7: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

more fun Complaining Excited

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Jerry: Hello, Newman.

Newman: Hello, Jerry.

— Newman (Wayne Knight), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium

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Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering if you know what day this is!

— Bob (Yul Vazquez), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Rican Day Thugs Threats

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Laughter's the best medicine, right? I'm keeping it loose, keeping it light.

— Ray Barone (Ray Romano), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 4: Robert's Rodeo

Laughter Is The Best Medicine Loose Light Happy

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Marie: Don't move! I'm coming right down!

Frank: I'm in enough pain!

— Frank Barone (Peter Boyle), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 6: Frank Goes Downstairs

don't move Sassy enough pain

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That's it, George. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package

Photo Shoots Selfies Erotic Photography Inhibitions

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Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like ‘American Gladiators.’

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry

Cockfights American Gladiators

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All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium

Self-deprecation

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We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology

Nudity Breakups

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I've tried it straight, Jerry. We've all seen the results. For me, sick is the only way to go.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry

Ex-Cons Dysfunctional Relationships Dating

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What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 7: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

what's the point Questions Lazy Going Out

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Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry

Cockfights Marriage Adulting

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All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater."

— Jason "Stanky" Hanke (James Spader), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology

Apologies Big Heads insults 12 Steps

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I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning

Christian Rock Music Musicians Hipsters

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It's the timeless art of seduction. You got to join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package

seduction Selfies

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Well, the female body is a...work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a Jeep.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology

Nudity Female Body Male Body Jeep

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How I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day when I would have the proof I needed to haul you out of your cushy lair and expose to the light of justice as the monster that you are.

— Newman (Wayne Knight), Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package

Revenge Sadism Justice

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It's taken me thirteen years to climb up to the top of that speed dial, and I don't intend to lose my spot to you.

— Mrs. Hamilton (Louan Gideon), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium

Speed Dial Competition

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When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology

Coughing Nudity

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David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning

Hell Torture Devils Suffering Hades

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The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Lights? Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning

Acting Class Medical Students Gonorrhea Urination

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Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry

Baldness Shaved Heads hair

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I couldn't get there in time to stop it, but you should have seen Little Jerry, Jerry! Flappin' his wings and struttin' his stuff! He was peckin' and weavin' and bobbin' and talkin' trash! He didn't even have to touch him! The other rooster ran out of the ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry

Cockfighting Little Jerry Seinfeld Talking Trash

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So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium

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