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Jason Mewes Quotes

Total quotes: 15
“Jay: And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?

Brent: [getting into the van] Say, what's all this talk about farting?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Farting, Fast Food
“In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: spank the monkey, world gone mad
“Don't you never say an unkind word about The Time! Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole fucking lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a smooth pimp who loves the pussy. And Tubby here is my black man servant. What?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: The Time, Morris Day, Jerome, pimp
“Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: bus tickets, free stuff, Shit
“[singing outside the Stop N Go]
I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: teabagging, finger-banging, balls, asshole
“James Van Der Beek: [about 'Dawson's Creek'] You actually watch that show?

Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to third base with her?

James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Dawson's Creek, Third Base
“Jay: Hey, lawdog.

Whillenholly: [Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn't jump] Hey!

Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker!

Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: bus tickets, free stuff, Shit
“Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine-looking boy you are raising.

Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Queer, Cock, Sperm
“[clears throat] And I'll be, like, 'What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?' And she'll be, like, 'Oh, I've read on the Internet that you's guys are a couple of little… [emphatically to Silent Bob] … fuckholes!' [both laugh]”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: mack daddy, New Jersey, fuckhole, Internet
“Sissy: Shut the fuck up, before I shoot you where you stand in your pansy red booties.

Jay: [Looks down] I AM wearing pansy red booties. [Looks at Silent Bob] Why the fuck didn't you tell me?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Pansy Red Booties, Crossdressing
“Jay: Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who fucked the pie!

Jason Biggs: You see! It's never 'Hey! You're that guy from Loser' or 'Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls.' No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!

James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie!”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Loser, Boys and Girls, Haunted, pie fucking
“All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little, whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who is makin' the movie...we're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit out our shit, and then eat their shit that's made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love— Jay and Silent Bob.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Miramax, Hollywood, Bitches, Shit, Coprophagy
“Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.

Jay: What buzz?

Holden: The Internet buzz.

Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?

Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Internet, buzz, Fuck, Bitch, Pornography
“Hitchhiker: [explaining why he gives head for rides] Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately? There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago.

Jay: Fuck that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm.

Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight...it's all the same now. There are no more lines.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: blowjobs, Sperm, gay, straight, suburban, millennium
“[deleted scene]
Hooker #1: Hey, little man! You want some of this?

Hooker #2: How 'bout you, big boy?

Hooker #1: You got 50 bucks, we can get NASTY.

Jay: Oh, yeah? How nasty?

Hooker #2: As nasty as you want to be, papi.

Jay: Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick your finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your fuckin' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and fuckin' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to fuckin' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out. [stunned silence]

Hooker #1: Oh, that's it, honey! I quit! This job just passed the point of no return! [both hookers leave]

Jay: What? You said 'nasty'! [to Silent Bob] Man, chicks in Hollywood are so stuck-up.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Hookers, Ass Play, Nutsack, Dixie Cup, Hollywood, Stuck-Up
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