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Don Rickles Quotes

Total quotes: 54
“You got a smart she-she crowd here. Look they're all in their underwear.”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“Oh, there's the black guy from 'The Unit'... now he works for Allstate.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: insults, Allstate
“You are a politician. Black, white, Jew, gentile, we’re all working for one cause: to figure out how you became governor.”
— Don Rickles, WATCH: Don Rickles roasts Ronald Reagan
Tagged: Ronald Reagan, Jew, Gentile, Black, white
“I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, Gee, if only I'd done The Man Who Came to Dinner on Broadway, I would have been happier.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Regrets, The Man Who Came To dinner, broadway
“Hollywood has changed. It's not glamorous like the old days. Last time my wife and I went down there to go to the movies, we got car-jacked by a guy with a .357 Magnum.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Hollywood, Glamour
“We kid about great stars such as you Bob, why? Because you're old and washed up.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: insults, Age-Shaming
“I gotta tell you, with all the nonsense and all the jokes, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart: Merv Griffin told me he never liked you.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: Merv Griffin, Mr. T., insults
“You were all marvelous, really you were. I [could spend] all night saying how great you were...except De Niro was weak.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Robert Deniro, insults
“I shouldn’t make fun of the blacks. President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles Shocks Hollywood Crowd With Racial Obama Joke
Tagged: Barack Obama, Racial Jokes
“When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Be Different
“Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Political Correctness
“I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Real Person, stage persona
“Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Eddie Fisher, Elizabeth Taylor, Empire State Building, Punching Above Your Weight
“Those were the days, when albums were big. And now that's over with, and I'm on this.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Jay Leno, Fame, Washed Up
“I met your son...he's a wonderful young kid. And he was smiling because he knows one day he's going to come into a lot of money.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Jimmy Kimmel, Inheritance, Greedy Children
“The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Old Days, that was then, Nostalgia
“No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Jew, Beach Chair
“I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: insults, Lesson, comedy
“You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: comedy, Attitude
“The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Las Vegas, Melting Pot, Ellis Island
“People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Seventies, Aging, Dementia
“I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Golf
“I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Aging
“Clint's idea of a good time is sitting on a pickup truck watching his dog bark.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles Roasts Clint Eastwood
Tagged: clint eastwood, Boring, insults
“Hi, dum dum….Where does it say you butt in, dummy? I'm fed up with you already, you know that? That's it, laugh it up. You're making $50 million a year and your poor parents are back in Nebraska eating locusts for dinner.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: insults, Anti-Rural, Nebraska, Johnny Carson
“Remember when you were governor and you used to walk over to my table? Now you're big and you're getting on my nerves?”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: Ronald Reagan, insults
“Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Sex, Aging
“Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Struggling, Difficulty
“It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: unfortunate surnames
“Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Show Business, comedy
“Marty...somebody get a phone book so you can see me. Forty million jobs in show business, I got a midget to direct me.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: Martin Scorsese, Height-Shaming
“I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: accountant, Mafia
“[To Jay Leno] I've been waiting back stage for an hour and a half. Waiting for you to get through your funny car bits.”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“[To Jay Leno] What is this a Nazi movie? What's Jewish got to do with it!?”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“Clint, I say it, nobody else has said it, but I say it from my heart: You're a lousy actor.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles Roasts Clint Eastwood
Tagged: clint eastwood, insults
“It's sweet of you, Dave — I know your busy schedule of going to the bank and trying to figure out what the hell you do.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: David Letterman, insults
“Is that your wife, sir?…What was it, a train?”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Wife, Insults to Liberals
“Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Aging, Mortality
“Showbiz is great if you're successful.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: showbiz, Success
“Hello, dummy!”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles- "Hello Dummy" (Full Album)
Tagged: insults
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