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Caitriona Balfe Quotes

Total quotes (13)

Caitriona Balfe

Caitriona Balfe

Birthname

Birthday October 4, 1979

Birthplace Monaghan, Ireland

Nationality Ireland

Occupations Model, Actor

Characters Portrayed

Claire Randall

Total quotes (13)

Claire: I'm a nurse.

Jamie: Aye. [Looks at Claire's chest]

Claire: Not a wet nurse.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Sassenach

nurse Wet Nurse Raunchy joke One-Liner

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Claire: It's too long and heavy for me

Rupert: Lasses say that to me all the time

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Both Sides Now

Raunchy joke NSFW innuendo

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Frank: Might you have forgotten him... with time?

Claire: That amount of time doesn't exist.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book Three: All Debts Paid

Love True Love Romantic Time forget Longing

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Brianna: Just admit it! Admit that you are not a perfect person. Own up to the fact that you fucked someone else while you were married to Daddy. Just like a million other bored housewives.

Claire: I was not bored! And what Jamie and I had was a hell of a lot more than fucking! He was the love of my life!

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book Two: Dragonfly in Amber

Fuck Sex NSFW Cheating Marriage Love housewife

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I suppose getting burned as a witch is better than freezing to death.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: The Devil's Mark

witch Persecution Burning Freezing joke Death

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Claire: Listen to me. If you ever raise a hand to me again, James Fraser, I will cut out your heart and eat it for breakfast, do you understand me?

Jamie: Aye, you have my word.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: The Reckoning

Abuse Threat Warning Violence Sex Promise

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'Luceo non uro.' I shine, not burn.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: The Gathering

italian Shine burn Inspiring Motto

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Doesn't this distress any of you? How this city treats its poor and underprivileged? Surely you must see the staggering numbers of them as you travel along the city? Just yesterday I saw a woman and her child dead, in the middle of the road. It was absolutely horrible. Surely we must do something to change the situation?

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book Two: Best Laid Schemes...

Uprising Activism Distress Underprivileged Rebellious

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People disappear all the time. Young girls run away from home. Children stray from their parents and are never seen again. Housewives take the grocery money and a taxi to the train station. Most are found, eventually. Disappearances, after all, have explanations... Usually.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Sassenach

Disappear Missing strange Supernatural creepy

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Jamie: Be Yuletide by the time we get back to Leoch.

Claire: Christmas. I don't suppose you hang stockings by the fire.

Jamie: To dry them off, you mean?

Claire: Nevermind.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Both Sides Now

Christmas Holidays joke Misunderstanding stockings

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Strange, the things you remember. Single images and feelings that stay with you down through the years. Like the moment I'd realized I'd never owned a vase. That I'd never lived in any place long enough to justify having such a simple thing. And how at that moment, I wanted nothing so much in all the world as to have a vase of my very own.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Sassenach

Vase Simplicity Memory Want Yearning

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Claire: You beast!

Captain Jonathan Randall: You can do better than that.

Claire: You fucking sadistic piece of shit! I should have slit your throat when you were lying on the ground at Fort William!

Captain Jonathan Randall: Yes. I'm afraid you will come to regret that small act of humanity.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Wentworth Prison

Sadistic angry Curse swearing humanity Regret Violence

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Rupert: So there I am, in bed, harelip Chrissie on my left and sweaty Nettie, the butcher's daughter, on my right. They get jealous of each other, start arguin' about who I'm goin' to swive first. Can you believe it?

Claire: I believe your left hand gets jealous of your right. That's about all I believe.

— Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe), Outlander, Book One: Rent

Sex masturbation Raunchy NSFW threesome joke Lie

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Related quotes to Caitriona Balfe tagged Nurse, Raunchy, Joke

What's the point of being king if I cannot keep you naked all day long?

— King Edward (Max Irons), The White Queen, Season 1: The Price of Power

Irreverent king royalty Royals Sexy Raunchy Love

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Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries?

Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.

— Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's

Raunchy Irreverent joke Womanhood

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Sabrina: Can you distract a room full of poets?

Hilda: Easy.

Salem: With your clothes on?

Hilda: Oh.

— Hilda Spellman (Caroline Rhea), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Time After Time

humor Raunchy Poets Distraction Irreverent

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She knew where to toe the line between right and raunchy.

— Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness), Criminal Minds, Season 10: Hashtag

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I'm gonna be like a ninja losing his virginity, quick and discreet.

— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams (Bruce Campbell), Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: The Morgue

joke Cheeky Raunchy Vulgar Virginity Ninja Discreet Quick One-Liner

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More drinking, less feeling.

— Mick Rory / Heat Wave (Dominic Purcell), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 1: Fail-Safe

Drinking Culture Drinking Feeling Alcohol Intoxicated emotions joke

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I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kids' menu. What a stupid age I am.

— Jason Mendoza (Manny Jacinto), The Good Place, Season 2: Dance Dance Resolution

Age Old Die young joke Relatable

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I’ll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying.

— Kanye West, Triumph of the West

saying telling conveying expressing disguising words serious joke disguising serious topics as joke making people laugh People

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So, you're in the nuclear biz? I once dated a guy named Adam, but then we split!

— Morgan Cavanaugh (Elisa Donovan), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Spellmanian Slip

joke Science Science Joke Nuclear Pun

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Claire: Where did you learn to kiss like that?

Jamie: I said I was a virgin, not a monk.

— Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), Outlander, Book One: The Wedding

joke virgin Monk romance kiss Relationship Love

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I just don’t get why they’re making us read 1984 when Orwell got so much wrong...

— Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 1: Cat Showdown

Literature 1984 George Orwell School joke

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Roxie: Do you hear yourself when you speak?

Morgan: Depends on what I say.

— Morgan Cavanaugh (Elisa Donovan), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Sabrina's Date with Destiny

joke Ditzy dumb Sassy

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Ava’s the kind of girl that you take home to your parents, and I am the kind you take to an exorcism.

— Sara Lance / White Canary (Caity Lotz), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 3: Daddy Darhkest

Girl Woman Parents Meet the Parents Exorcism joke Sassy Relationships

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Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, but I'll take a peanut if you have any.

— dagodon, Shy 6 year old needs your knock knock jokes! • /r/Jokes

Funny joke knock knock knock knock jokes

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Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

— Daniel Tosh, Daniel Tosh: An Unauthorized Biography

Baby babies Children toddler humor joke Dishwasher dishwasher safe dangerous Parenting Life Hacks

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M’Lady: Salem, you’re the only one who understands me.

Salem: Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care.

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 1: A Halloween Story

Understanding Connection joke Rude Sassy

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Wait a minute. How are you gonna quit magic? Go to Witch Watchers?

— Harvey Kinkle (Nate Richert), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 7: Witch Way Out

Pun joke witch Magic Weight Watchers

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A blonde a brunette and a redhead are on an elevator when a good looking man gets on. He gets off at the next floor. Having noticed his dandruff, the redhead says to the brunette, 'He could use some head and shoulders.' Looking confused, the blonde asks, 'How do you give a guy shoulders?'

— Reddit, Reddit, what is your best blonde joke? • /r/AskReddit

Funny joke blonde blonde jokes

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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

— Reddit, Reddit, tell me your best blonde jokes. • /r/AskReddit

Funny Jokes joke blonde blonde jokes

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doorbell repair man.

— nextuserismetoo, Reddit, are there any Knock-Knock jokes that are ACTUALLY funny? • /r/AskReddit

Funny joke knock knock knock knock jokes

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Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No you're a poo!

— StickleyMan, Reddit, are there any Knock-Knock jokes that are ACTUALLY funny? • /r/AskReddit

Funny joke knock knock knock knock jokes

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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Oink oink.
Oink oink who?
Are you a pig or an owl?

— Harasoluka, Reddit, are there any Knock-Knock jokes that are ACTUALLY funny? • /r/AskReddit

Funny joke knock knock knock knock jokes

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The best knock knock joke is to ask someone to say, 'Knock Knock', if they comply, you ask, 'Who's there?' generally people don't really know what to follow up with. This is only funny if you're a bit of a dickhead. I do find it amusing.

— Nitrohairman, Reddit, are there any Knock-Knock jokes that are ACTUALLY funny? • /r/AskReddit

Funny joke knock knock knock knock jokes

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The most important writing tip is that it's very important that u wear a hat when u write because that way the ideas won't fly away!!!

— Jonny Sun, via twitter.com

Writing Writing Tips humor joke

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Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you … for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

— Daniel Tosh, Wikiquote.org: Daniel Tosh

Sarcasm joke stand up comedy comedy Stand Up show humor audience Applause clap

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Wanna hear a joke about cutting onions? It'll have you in tears.

— SuperStryker7, Wanna hear a joke about cutting onions?

onion cutting joke Tears

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I joked about how bad our apartment building's foundation was.
Even the walls started cracking up.

— user7526, I joked about how bad our apartment building's foundation was

joke apartment foundation Building

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my signature scent is anxiety

— Melissa Broder, via twitter.com

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Claire: Are you implying that I'm intoxicated?

Jamie: I'd be impressed if you weren't.

— Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), Outlander, Book One: The Way Out

Drunk Intoxicated Impressed flirty joke

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Jamie: I need a whisky.

Claire: You've had enough. You need liquids. Water or broth.

Jamie: Whisky's a liquid, no?

Claire: No.

— Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), Outlander, Book Three: First Wife

joke Drinking Drunk Intoxication Whisky Cheeky

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Oh, spare me the sanctimonious lecture. You never cared about me. In the words of one of my actual friends: Ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.

— Michael (Ted Danson), The Good Place, Season 2: The Burrito

Basic Insult devastating joke Sassy

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When I told a boyfriend something was 'no big deal,' it meant anything from 'I just bought weed from your nephew,' to 'I secretly befriended your ex-girlfriend last year, things got out of hand, and now I'm her bridesmaid.'

— Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), The Good Place, Season 1: Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis

joke terrible Boyfriend Relationship

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Troy: So you didn’t have a man around to show you what’s what?

Lionel: Yup. Which is why I chose to be gay… kidding. That’s not how it works.

— Lionel Higgins (DeRon Horton), Dear White People, Volume 1: Chapter VIII

LGBTQ+gay manhood joke

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I remember the first time a boy gave me a star... Next thing I knew, three wise men were at the door.

— Hilda Spellman (Caroline Rhea), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Dummy for Love

Religion joke Christmas Love Relationships

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I’d rather die than speak German.

— Mick Rory / Heat Wave (Dominic Purcell), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 2: Out of Time

Language German Die dramatic Snarky Sassy joke

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To quote every 'Star Wars' ever made, 'I’ve got a bad feeling about this.'

— Jefferson 'Jax' Jackson (Franz Drameh), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 1: Marooned

Star Wars Movies Pop Culture joke Bad Feeling

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Evil Mick. I guess that’s just regular Mick, but still.

— Sara Lance / White Canary (Caity Lotz), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 2: Land of the Lost

Evil Regular Insult Rude Sassy Snarky joke

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Hope you haven't let another hump day slip through your fingers though I suppose slippery fingers are an indication of something.

— Dr. Ruth Westheimer, via Twitter

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It's pouring rain here in NYC. Normally when things are wet I'm far more excited.

— Neil Patrick Harris, via Twitter

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Totally rather get shot than look like a Sears model.

— Nate Heywood (Nick Zano), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 3: Aruba-Con

shot Violence model Sears Sassy Snarky joke

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All I've ever really wanted was to know what it feels like to be human, and now we're going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!

— Michael (Ted Danson), The Good Place, Season 2: Best Self

human humanity Failure Confidence Arrogance joke

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Sgt. Slater: Spellman, Spellman... Why is that name so familiar? Hilda Spellman... Hilda Thorn-In-My-Side Spellman! Don't tell me you're related to Hilda Spellman?

Sabrina: ...Okay!

— Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Sabrina Gets Her License (2)

Lie joke Family Sassy

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