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Kendra Syrdal

3,632 Quotes
three be the things I shall never attain: envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
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3,632 quotes curated by Kendra Syrdal:

“I don’t like eating bananas in public. That is so stressful if you’re a girl. It’s so annoying ‘cause it’s such a portable, good snack, but if you’re a girl and you want to eat a banana all of a sudden you’re in the position of like, how to I de-dick this delicious treat…?”
— Chelsea Peretti, One of the Greats
Tagged: Women in Comedy
“If these walls could talk they’d be like ‘damn bitch, you’re back in bed again!?’”
— Chelsea Peretti, One of the Greats
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Lazy, Bed
“Do you guys think it's worse to wear a fedora or kill 15 people?”
— Chelsea Peretti, One of the Greats
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Fedora, Murder
“In every group of girlfriends there's one friend who's like, the sluttiest. And if you don't have that friend — you're that friend. Let's be real.”
— Amy Schumer, Mostly Sex Stuff
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Friends, Slutty Friends
“I think that I get labeled a sex comic just because I'm a woman. Like, a guy could get up here and literally pull his dick out and people would be like, 'He's a thinker.'”
— Amy Schumer, Women Who Kill
Tagged: Women in Comedy, feminism
“Whenever there's a group of women you identify with on of the girls from Sex and the City. And if somebody's like, 'You're more like a Miranda,' you're allowed to be like, 'Why don't you kill yourself!?'”
— Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer Monologue - SNL
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Female Friendships, Sex And The City
“We have to be a role model for these little girls, because who do they have? All they have, literally, is the Kardashians. A whole family of women who take the faces they were born with as a light suggestion?”
— Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer Monologue - SNL
Tagged: Kardashians, Body Image, Women in Comedy
“Have you ever dated a sex addict? At first, it's so much fun.  You're like, 'Am I the hottest piece of ass in the world?' And then you're like, 'Oh no. He would fuck a mailbox.'”
— Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer: Live At The Apollo
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Sex, Sex Addicts
“My arms register as legs. And my legs register as
firewood.”
— Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer: Live At The Apollo
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Body Image, Hollywood is Stupid
“The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.”
— Iliza Shlesinger, War Paint
Tagged: Women in Comedy, Nazi, Airlines, Flying Sucks