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Quotes tagged ‘Women in Comedy’

(37 total)

A lot of people think that satire is just personal essays that are funny.

Not bad for a girl who used to obsessively scroll through YouTube videos of Joe’s Pub performances as a high-schooler in Houston, Texas.

— Lara Zarum, villagevoice.com

It never occurred to me that a female wanting to do comedy was unusual or an act of rebellion.

— Arden Myrin, refinery29.com

I hate Arizona. It always eight hundred degrees outside and everybody’s always saying, ‘But it’s a dry heat!’ So’s the inside of my microwave.

— Joan Rivers, amazon.com

When did avocado toast become the new crack cocaine?

— Whitney Cummings, twitter.com

I guess ultimately I just want to be someone's cell phone background.

— Whitney Cummings, twitter.com

The Backstreet Boys are releasing a new album, and all their fans ovaries are releasing their last eggs.

— Chelsea Handler, twitter.com

I wonder if Donald Trump watches footage of himself and thinks, 'I look great.'

— Chelsea Handler, twitter.com

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

— Ellen Degeneres, amazon.com

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

— Ellen Degeneres, amazon.com

Procrastinate now. Don't put it off.

— Ellen Degeneres, youtube.com

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!

— Sarah Silverman, youtube.com

Don't love the fact that I momentarily forgot I was in a Uber and started BELTING the chorus to 'Kiss from a Rose' but my driver sure did!

— Mamrie Hart, twitter.com

My love of coffee, green juice, and booze sure has LIQUIDated my bank account.* *don't even play like that wasn't perfect.

— Mamrie Hart, twitter.com

Currently getting a pedicure. Or as I call it '30 minutes of trying to not kick someone in the face because I am baby level ticklish'.

— Mamrie Hart, twitter.com

Last week I was feeling exhausted, a little depressed, and self-indulgent and I said to my boyfriend, 'What's the point of working so hard if you can't have millions of puppies?'

— Lena Dunham, youtube.com

There are so many things that I would be so afraid to do. Like hike Mount Kilimanjaro or go to a CrossFit gym.

— Lena Dunham, youtube.com

Some people are not meant to be mothers and some people are not meant to drive.

— Lena Dunham, youtube.com

With kids it's so funny because they're not strong enough to kill you. But they want to kill you so bad.

— Tina Fey, youtube.com

I'll work for a hamburger.

— Kate McKinnon, youtube.com

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