Thought.is

50 Witty Insults You Should Steal To Put Your Friends In Their Place

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.
Holly Riordan
January 31, 2017
“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring(The Lord of the Rings, Part One)
Tagged: insults, Hatred, Annoyance
“You guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.”
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Tagged: insults, losers, Unhip
“You don’t look too bright. I got a son, stupid as a man who bought his stupid at a two-for-one sale, and you remind me of him.”
— Neil Gaiman, American Gods
Tagged: insults, Stupid, Idiot
“To describe the young haremaid's singing voice as akin to a frog trapped beneath a hot stone would have been a great insult to both frog and stone.”
— Brian Jacques, Redwall(Redwall, Book 1)
Tagged: insults, Singing, Frogs
“If you will forgive me for being personal -- I do not like your face.”
— Agatha Christie, Murder on the Orient Express
Tagged: insults, face, ugly
“I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!”
— Russell Brand, My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up
Tagged: insults, Sex, Grammar
“He's not human; he's an empty space disguised as a human.”
— John Fowles, The Collector
Tagged: insults, human, Emptiness
“Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
— J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets
Tagged: insults, slow, Stupid
“I'm allergic to stupidity.”
— Chris Colfer, Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal
Tagged: insults, Stupid, stupidity
“I doubt you can understand the magnitude of the stupidity in your statement.”
— Robert Jordan, The Gathering Storm
Tagged: insults, Stupid, stupidity
“Can't you see that I'm only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?”
— Petronius Arbiter, The Satyricon, Complete
Tagged: insults, dumb, Stupid
“Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them.”
— Irvine Welsh, Trainspotting
Tagged: insults, Love, Distance
“Eat my shit.”
— Kathryn Stockett, The Help
Tagged: insults, Shit, Pie
“She is nuttier than squirrel poo.”
— J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows
Tagged: insults, Squirrel, Poop
“You are the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.”
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Tagged: insults, Marriage, Rejection
“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.”
— William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
Tagged: insults, Nothing, Idiot
“You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating.”
— Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
Tagged: insults, small, Irritating
“The only honest things I can say to you are insults.”
— Brandon Sanderson, Words of Radiance(Stormlight Archive, The)
Tagged: insults, Honesty, Truth
“Shall I show him in or tell him to go find a short and unpleasant route to hell?”
— John Ringo, There Will Be Dragons
Tagged: insults, Hell, mean
“Edith looks like something that would eat her young.”
— Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
Tagged: insults, animal, ugly