House M.D.

44 Sarcastic Dr. House Quotes That Will Satisfy Your Inner Cynic

Everybody lies.
Heidi Priebe
October 20, 2016
“It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Three Stories
Tagged: Truth, Lies, Honesty, Dishonesty, The Human Condition, lying
“You talk to God, you're religious; God talks to you, you're psychotic.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: House vs. God
Tagged: Religion, God, Sanity, Insanity
“Humanity is overrated.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: humanity, Mankind, The Human Condition
“There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is - in fact - a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Occam's Razor
Tagged: Love, Hate, emotions, humor
“Patient: Times changes everything.

House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 3: One Day, One Room
Tagged: Time, Change, Taking Action, Self-Direction
“If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: The Right Stuff
Tagged: Religion, Religious People, Reason, Intellect
“Truth begins in lies.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Truth, Lies
“People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 6: Instant Karma
Tagged: deserving, humanity, People, Fate, Destiny, Random Chance
“When we don't find the logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 7: Small Sacrifices
Tagged: Ritual, Rational, Rationality, Logic, Thinking, stupidity, Intelligence, Questioning
“You'd be surprised what you can live without.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Spin
Tagged: Life, Necessity, Desire, Living
“The problem is, the world doesn't work that way just because you want it to.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Heavy
Tagged: World, Life, Truth
“If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Autopsy
Tagged: Death, Dying, Compassion, The Human Condition
“Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're ninety, sometimes before we're even boring, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly. Always. You can live with dignity, we can't die with it.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Dying, Death, dignity
“If nobody hates you, you're doing something wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: Games
Tagged: Hatred, Likeability
“You can have all the faith you want in spirits and the afterlife, heaven and hell, but when it comes to the world, don't be an idiot, because you can tell me that you put your faith in God to get through the day but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Damned If You Do
Tagged: Faith, Religion, Belief, After-Life, Self-Direction
“If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Honeymoon
Tagged: Sincerity, fake
“Jobs are not being destroyed they are being relocated. The fact that you see that as inherently bad means that you are an irrational patriot. To put it another way: a patriot.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 8: Risky Business
Tagged: Jobs, Patriotism, Patriotic, Blind Patriotism
“There are three choices in this life: be good, get good, or give up.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: Games
Tagged: Life, Self-improvement, Keeping Up, Giving Up, Challenge
“Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: It's a Wonderful Lie
Tagged: Lies, lying, Children, The future, humor, Sarcasm
“We formulate our questions based on the answers we want to hear.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Fidelity
Tagged: Questions, Answers
“There's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me' though, if you jumble it up.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: DNR
Tagged: Teamwork, Collaboration, Cooperation, humor, Sarcasm
“Either God doesn't exist or he's unimaginably cruel.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 3: One Day, One Room
Tagged: God, Religion, Cruelty
“You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Cursed
Tagged: humor, Sarcasm, Honesty, lying, Dishonesty, Lies, Telling The Truth, pressure, Mankind, The Human Condition
“Love and happiness are nothing but distractions.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 7: Recession Proof
Tagged: Love, Happiness, Life, Distractions, Reality
“Figuring out who people are takes time. And it takes twice as much time if they're trying to impress you.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 6: Private Lives
Tagged: People, Human Nature, Personality
“Reality is almost always wrong.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, M.D.
Tagged: Reality, Perception
“Everything is conditional. We just don't know what the conditions are.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 3: Son of Coma Guy
Tagged: Reality, Perception, Understanding The Environment, strategy, Planning
“It's normal to be screwed up, but it's really screwed up to romanticize it.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 8: Parents
Tagged: normalcy, Romanticism, Idealism
“How come God gets credit whenever something good happens? Where was he when her heart stopped?”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 3: Human Error
Tagged: God, Religion, Credit
“Nobel invented dynamite, I won't accept his blood money.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: TB or Not TB
Tagged: Nobel Prize, humor