Joeff Davis

30 Stupid Donald Trump Quotes That Will Make You LOL

Try to laugh as your brain cells die one by one. We present you with the best dumb quotes by The Donald - so wrong yet so hilarious (Hey, even the worst has its best, right?).
Sade Andria Zabala
July 21, 2016
“"Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, he referred to my hands -- 'if they're small, something else must be small.' I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee."”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump Defends Size Of His Penis
Tagged: Penis Size, Penises, Trump Defending Himself Against Rubio
“Nobody can build a wall like me.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Immigration
“I don't repeat myself. I don't repeat myself.”
— Donald Trump, GOP Presidential Debate
Tagged: Donald Trump, Politics, Presidential Election, 2016
“To start with, we need a government that is committed to winning and has experience in winning.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Leadership, Politics, Government
“That has always been my philosophy: If my critics attack me, then I’ll fight back. Let’s be honest and truthful with one another. I’m confident my answer makes the most sense.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Trump on Trump, Media, Politics, Business
“They couldn’t ignore me, so they started attacking me. These veteran politicians looked for the place I was most vulnerable— which is why they attacked my hair, which is mine, by the way. They showed a lot of courage attacking my hair; this resulted in what might be the strangest political headline ever written when NBC News reported: TRUMP DEFENDS HAIR, ATTACKS MEDIA AT CAMPAIGN RALLY!”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Politics, Trump's Hair, Media, humor
“He loaned me a small amount of money— loaned, not gave— around $ 1 million— money that I probably could have gotten from a bank—and the biggest part of my journey began. I paid my father back a few years later, with full interest, after my Manhattan deals started to come in— and very successfully.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Family, Trump on Trump, Business
“Growing up in Queens, I was a pretty tough kid. I wanted to be the toughest kid in the neighborhood and had a habit of mouthing off to everybody while backing down to no one. Honestly, I was a bit of a troublemaker.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Trump on Trump
“Jimmy Fallon asked me a question on his show one night: "Have you ever apologized? Ever, in your whole life?" I told him that I think apologizing is a great thing—but you have to have been wrong. Then I promised, "I will apologize in the distant future if I am ever wrong." The audience laughed, as they should have. If you want to know if I've ever been wrong, the best thing to do would be to ask my kids. They'll tell you the  truth about that.”
— Donald Trump, Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again
Tagged: Family, Values, Jimmy Fallon, Apologizing
“I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.”
— Donald Trump
Tagged: Trump, Election, Trump on Twitter
“When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same. The temperament is not that different.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump Likens His Schooling to Military Service in Book
Tagged: LOL, Funny, Politics, Stupid
“We’re losing a lot of people because of the internet. We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening. We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some ways. Somebody will say, ‘Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.’ These are foolish people.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump thinks he can call Bill Gates to 'close up' the internet
Tagged: Freedom of Speech, Free Press, Technology, The internet
“I feel that gun-free zones, that’s target practice for the sickos and for the mentally ill. They look around for gun-free zones.”
— Donald Trump Says Gun-Free Zones Are 'Target Practice for Sickos'
Tagged: Gun Control, Election 2016, Donald Trump, Mental Illness
“I don’t know why I bring out this craziness in women, but somehow I do, and it’s not always pretty.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump's books reveal his obsession with women — and himself
Tagged: LOL
“Not only will I stand up for Article One, I’ll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution.”
— Donald Trump, Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting
Tagged: Election 2016
“He was a bad guy—really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights. They didn't talk. They were terrorists. Over. Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism”
— Donald Trump, Trump offers praise for Saddam Hussein's efficient killing of 'terrorists'
Tagged: Terrorism
“I’m the least, just so you know, I am the least racist person, the least racist person that you’ve ever seen, the least.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump: I am the least racist person that you’ve ever encountered 
Tagged: racism
“Belgium is a beautiful city.”
— Donald Trump, Speech Atlanta GA, 06-15-16
Tagged: LOL, Europe, Stupid
“I feel like a supermodel, except like times 10.”
— Donald Trump, Trump: 'I feel like a supermodel, except like times 10'
Tagged: LOL, Supermodel
“It’s an amazing thing when you think—you know, where they can, out of nowhere, out of the wind, they make energy.”
— Donald Trump, Campaign Reeling, Donald Trump Pivots To, Uhh...Scotland? Okay, Man.
Tagged: LOL, Energy
“Why would anyone be against what I’m saying?”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump Slams Chamber of Commerce 'Sinister' Trade Agenda
Tagged: Election 2016
“You asked me to spell my name, so I figured that’s a form of harassment... It’s okay. Nobody has ever done that before.”
— Donald Trump, Transcripts of Donald Trump Depositions Released
Tagged: Stupid
“Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q is one of the highest - and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”
— Donald Trump, via twitter.com
Tagged: LOL, Intelligence, Stupid
“Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”
— Donald Trump, via twitter.com
Tagged: Brexit, Election 2016, LOL
“I will be the greatest jobs president God ever created.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump: The Guardian Video
Tagged: Jobs, Funny
“[Ivanka posing for Playboy] would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
— Donald Trump, You can’t unsee this photo of Donald Trump and his 15-year-old daughter
Tagged: Gross, Incest, Playboy
“I love Hispanics!”
— Donald Trump, via twitter.com
Tagged: racism
“We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”
— Donald Trump, Donald Trump on Nevada win: CNN Video
Tagged: Election 2016, Education
“The beauty of me is that I'm very rich.”
— Donald Trump, Exclusive: Donald Trump Would Spend $600 Million of His Own Money On Presidential Bid
Tagged: Wealth
“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.”
— Donald Trump, Who said it: Donald Trump or Mr. Burns from 'The Simpsons' ?
Tagged: WTF, Masculinity, NSFW