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The Simpsons Quotes

“My pudding is trapped forever.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: A Streetcar Named Marge
Tagged: Pudding, trapped, bottom of cup
“Look. Just give me some inner peace, or I'll mop the floor with ya.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 8: The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer
Tagged: Inner Peace, Threat, Metaphor Examples, angry
“In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: The PTA Disbands
Tagged: House, Obey, Laws, thermodynamics
“Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets Famous
Tagged: hello, Phone, Speak Up, towel, Naked
“Bart: What the hell's menopause?

Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 16: Goo Goo Gai Pan
Tagged: Menopause, stork, babies, shot, drunken hunters
“All I want is what everyone wants: preferential treatment.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 23: Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
Tagged: Everyone, Wants, Needs, preferential treatment
“Homer: Can we stop? I have to go to the bathroom.

Kidnapper: You just went five minutes ago!

Homer: I have a bladder the size of a brazil nut!

Kidnapper: We just call them nuts here”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 13: Blame It on Lisa
Tagged: bathroom, Kidnapped, Requests, Bladder, Pee
“Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 17: The Italian Bob
Tagged: People, learn, Language, food, Eat
“ Look at this country: U-R-Gay!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart vs. Australia
Tagged: teasing, Names, country
“What kind of a sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart vs. Australia
Tagged: Sick, country, kick, giant boot
“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 14: How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
Tagged: Simile Examples, Marriage, Coffin, Children, nails
“Everything lasts forever.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Everything, Forever, Everlasting
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: Duffless
Tagged: Kill, Death, Beer, Thirst, sweet, Tasty
“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Colonel Homer
Tagged: Lie, Listen, two
“Without TV, it is hard to know when one day ends and another begins.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 11: Missionary
Tagged: TV, hard, day ends, begins, Timing
“No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Homer at the Bat
Tagged: Good, better, Million, no matter
“Yes! ‘Crisitunity!’”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Fear of Flying
Tagged: Yes, Crisis, Opportunity, combined words
“To start, press any key. Where’s the ANY key?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer
Tagged: any, key, Start, Literally, Questions, dumb
“Stupid TV! Be more funny!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Marge on the Lam
Tagged: Stupid, TV, Funny, Command
“Lisa: I like school.

Homer: Well, why don't you live in it then?

Lisa: I would if I could.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer
Tagged: School, live, interests
“THAT'S IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am OUT OF HERE!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: Lisa the Vegetarian
Tagged: upset, Carnivore, Leaving, Fed up
“Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: The Springfield Connection
Tagged: Intentions, Police, protective force, wealthy elite, Social Problems, solutions
“Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: glory, Fleeting, remember
“Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Getting What You Want, Unfulfilled, joyless
“Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. ”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart of Darkness
Tagged: shut up, Brain, Friends, no need
“Gym Teacher: Tell you what, Simpson: I won't fail you if you join one of those peewee teams outside the school.

Lisa: You mean those leagues where parents push their kids into vicious competition to compensate for their own failed dreams of glory?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Lisa on Ice
Tagged: Fail, peewee, Teams, gym class, leagues, Competitive, failed dreams, glory
“Am I the only one who just wants to play hopscotch and bake cookies and watch The McLaughlin Group?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 10: Lard of the Dance
Tagged: play hopscotch, bake, Cookies, McLaughlin Group, unique
“Lisa: According to Eternity Magazine, you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is suddenly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.

Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Bart's Friend Falls in Love
Tagged: Reading, Lose Weight, subliminal learning, Unhealthy Desires, idea, rich, creamy, butter
“Bart: The guys who wrote this cartoon don't know squat. Itchy should have tied Scratchy's tongue with a taut-line hitch, not a sheet bend.

Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
Tagged: cartoons, Accuracy, realistic
“I just think you and Jessica are too different from each other to get along. She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter and you're the devil's cabana boy”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart's Girlfriend
Tagged: difference, get along, sweet, Kind, devil, cabana boy
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