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Lisa Simpson Quotes

Total quotes: 30
“Bart: The guys who wrote this cartoon don't know squat. Itchy should have tied Scratchy's tongue with a taut-line hitch, not a sheet bend.

Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
Tagged: cartoons, Accuracy, realistic
“It's not my nature to complain, but so far today we've had three movies, two filmstrips, and an hour and a half of magazine time. I just don't feel challenged.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 8: The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
Tagged: Complain, challenged, Movies, filmstrips, Magazine
“They want sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll have to blow their nose with a pancake!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 9: Girly Edition
Tagged: Sentiment, sap, pancake, determined
“Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: glory, Fleeting, remember
“Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Separate Vocations
Tagged: Famous, Jazz, Musician, Life Story, country, Blues, french
“Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. ”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart of Darkness
Tagged: shut up, Brain, Friends, no need
“Lisa: Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a valentine because I felt sorry for him.

Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: I Love Lisa
Tagged: valentine, felt sorry, Pity, love life
“Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?

Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Marge on the Lam
Tagged: Burning, papers, exists
“I just think you and Jessica are too different from each other to get along. She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter and you're the devil's cabana boy”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart's Girlfriend
Tagged: difference, get along, sweet, Kind, devil, cabana boy
“Am I the only one who just wants to play hopscotch and bake cookies and watch The McLaughlin Group?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 10: Lard of the Dance
Tagged: play hopscotch, bake, Cookies, McLaughlin Group, unique
“Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Getting What You Want, Unfulfilled, joyless
“Bart, the only reason to apologize is if you look deep down inside yourself and you find a spot, something you wish wasn't there, because you feel bad you hurt your sister's feelings.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Bart vs. Thanksgiving
Tagged: Apologize, spot, hurt, feel bad
“Ms. Hoover: Good. Now sprinkle the sparkles onto the paper. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles. 

Lisa: Shove it!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Separate Vocations
Tagged: arts and crafts, sparkles, paper, sprinkling, Frustrated, Shove It
“Lisa: Oh no, it's Ralph! Just make up some excuse!

Homer: [answering the door] She's in the can. Go away.

Ralph: Yes, sir! I'd do anything for Lisa.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: I Love Lisa
Tagged: Avoiding, excuse, Toilet
“Ms. Hoover: First, we're going to construct paper mailboxes to store the valentines. 

Lisa: Isn't that just pointless busywork? 

Ms. Hoover: Bull's-eye. Get cracking.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: I Love Lisa
Tagged: construct, arts and crafts, busywork, Called Out
“Lisa: I like school.

Homer: Well, why don't you live in it then?

Lisa: I would if I could.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer
Tagged: School, live, interests
“Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound, but here goes: I believe in you.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Dead Putting Society
Tagged: Words of Encouragement, sound, Believe, I believe in you
“Lisa: This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!

Bart: What about the Emmys?

Lisa: I stand corrected.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
Tagged: Farce, Emmys, corrected, show
“Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Lisa on Ice
Tagged: Hockey, face, strategy, plan
“THAT'S IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am OUT OF HERE!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: Lisa the Vegetarian
Tagged: upset, Carnivore, Leaving, Fed up
“Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 10: The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
Tagged: Advice, shot, Women
“Gym Teacher: Tell you what, Simpson: I won't fail you if you join one of those peewee teams outside the school.

Lisa: You mean those leagues where parents push their kids into vicious competition to compensate for their own failed dreams of glory?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Lisa on Ice
Tagged: Fail, peewee, Teams, gym class, leagues, Competitive, failed dreams, glory
“You think you know fear? Well, I've seen them naked!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Homer Alone
Tagged: Fear, Naked, ick
“Nelson: [beating up Bart] This is for wasting teacher's valuable time! 

Lisa: Lay off, guys! He's with me.

Jimbo: It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Lisa on Ice
Tagged: beating up, Waste, Teacher, valuable time, coincidence, sister, Brother, role reversal
“Lisa: According to Eternity Magazine, you can lose weight through subliminal learning. That's where an idea is suddenly implanted in your head without you even knowing it.

Homer: Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Bart's Friend Falls in Love
Tagged: Reading, Lose Weight, subliminal learning, Unhealthy Desires, idea, rich, creamy, butter
“Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: The Springfield Connection
Tagged: Intentions, Police, protective force, wealthy elite, Social Problems, solutions
“Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?

Marge: Well, honey, when I...

Homer: Let me handle this, Marge; I've heard 'em all. I like you as a friend... I think we should see other people... I no speak English...

Lisa: I get the idea.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: I Love Lisa
Tagged: Boy, Not Interested, excuses, Rejection
“Bart: I'll go, disguised as you.

Lisa: What if he wants to hold hands?

Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa: What if he wants a kiss?

Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa: What if he...

Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: I Love Lisa
Tagged: Disguise, Date, Impersonation, Sacrifice
“Mr. Burns: Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three-Mile Island. Bravo! 

Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day, while a slimmer man would've fallen to his death. 

Bart: And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt prevented the spread of toxic gas.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer
Tagged: Bravery, saved the day, Irony examples, Slim
“Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.

Homer: [breaking a lamp] D'oh!

Bart: Ay, caramba!

Marge: [groans]

Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]

Flanders: Hi-dilly-ho!

Barney: [belches]

Nelson: Ha, ha!

Mr. Burns: Excellent.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets Famous
Tagged: Catchphrase, Iconic, character, Silly
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