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Laverne & Shirley Quotes

“Shirley: Laverne, the only parties we've ever been to are bring-your-own.

Laverne: I like bringin' my own... that way I know what I'm gettin'.”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: The Society Party
Tagged: Bring your own, parties
“Ahhhh, sleep. Nature's way of saying... lie down.”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Dating Game
Tagged: obvious, Sleep, Nature
“Touch my 'L,' sweetie, and your teeth go to Peoria!”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: Dating Slump
Tagged: Sexual Harassment, Threats
“Laverne: My neck moved!!

Lenny: No, it didn't, it's right under your head.”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: Robot Lawsuit
Tagged: dumb
“Lenny: Boy, am I going to dream about her tonight!

Squiggy: Just don't make those gurgly sounds...”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: The Pact
Tagged: Sex Dreams
“Lenny: So, me and Squiggy flipped a coin to see which one of us was gonna volunteer to be your husband.

Laverne: Awwww, and you lost, huh?

Lenny: No, I won.”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Look Before You Leap
Tagged: Coin Toss, husband
“I'm gonna make a good living. Plus, I'll practically never hit you or nothin'...”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Look Before You Leap
Tagged: Domestic Violence
“What are you doing?!? When I'm talking to girls, don't stick your fingers in your mouth!”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Bridal Shower
Tagged: Gross, Talking to Girls
“Stop it, I'm going to lose my lust!”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Drive! She Said
Tagged: Lust
“Champagne? Why that’s the Devil’s vodka!”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Road to Burbank
Tagged: champagne, devil, vodka
“You people make me stink!”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: Once Upon a Rumor
Tagged: Sick, stink
“Laverne: A Society gentleman would only go out with you for one reason - to have a good time, a few laughs, and a little vo-dee-oh-doh-doh.

Shirley: I don't vo-dee-oh-doh-doh!

Laverne: You vo-dee-oh-doh-doh.

Shirley: I don't vo-dee-oh-doh-doh!

Laverne: You vo-dee-OH...

Shirley: Once, and I was going steady a whole year...”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: The Society Party
Tagged: vo-dee-oh-doh-doh, Sex, Euphemisms, Going Steady
“Well, Laverne Kosnowski. I guess tonight’s the night we finally constipate our marriage… in the biblical sense.”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Road to Burbank
Tagged: Wedding Night, Constipate, Malapropism
“You’ve seen Laverne peddling around this apartment in her Frederick’s of Hollywood negligence!”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Road to Burbank
Tagged: Fredericks of Hollywood, Malapropism, Negligence
“Lenny: Ahhhh, sleep. Nature's way of saying...lie down.

Rhonda: I have to get ready for my dates.

Shirley: Dates?

Rhonda: You know, a man picks you up, spends money on you? You must have seen this on television…”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Road to Burbank
Tagged: dates, Sleep, Television, insults
“My best friend is Shirley Feeney, the best in all the land. Whenever we're in trouble, we face it hand in hand. We laugh when we are happy, we cry when we are sad. We talk when we are lonely, just to know her makes me glad. If I had one wish in life, I know what it would be. I'd have Shirl as my best friend, for all eternity.”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 5: The Beatnik Show
Tagged: BFF, Eternity, Friendship
“Monique: Bachelor #2, what kind of vegetable would you be?

Lenny: I would be a sauerkraut. It was my only toy as a child.”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 6: The Dating Game
Tagged: The Dating Game, Sauerkraut
“My family may have left Poland in disgrace, but some day we'll return the same way!”
— Lenny, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: The Debutante Ball
Tagged: Family, Poland, Disgrace
“Laverne: Squiggy, true or false...

Squiggy: True!

Laverne: I didn't ask the question yet!

Squiggy: Yes, you did. You said, 'Squiggy, true or false?' I'm Squiggy, that would be true.”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: The Driving Test
Tagged: true or false, Literal
“Boy, you just stepped straight off the bus right into Filth Town, didn't you?”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: The Dance Studio
Tagged: bus, Filth Town
“I hate to go down to unemployment. It's embarrassing down there. Everybody down there knows you don't have a job.”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: Take My Plants, Please
Tagged: Unemployment
“What I don't have in strength, I make up for in what I lack up here! [Points to head]”
— Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: The Obstacle Course
Tagged: dumb, Vacant
“Laverne, you can't marry a man you don't love!...Something bad will happen...you'll grow restless....You'll start calling the milkman Joe!”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: Laverne's Arranged Marriage
Tagged: Love, Marriage, Arranged Marriages
“I know that voice, and I hate the person it's attached to!”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Steppin' Out
Tagged: Hate, voice
“Shirley: Laverne, I'm telling you, flying is safer than driving! Nobody has ever crashed into a cloud!

Laverne: Yeah, well nobody ever fell 40,000 feet from a DeSoto, either.”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 3: Airport '59
Tagged: Driving, Flying, DeSoto, Fear of Flying
“Shirley: We won't go out with just any old creep!

Laverne: Yeah, only those who ask us!”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 2: Hi, Neighbor Book 2
Tagged: Dating, selective, Creep
“Laverne: It just doesn't seem fair. A guy with a reputation is a hero. A girl with a reputation is a bimbo It just doesn't seem fair.

Shirley: Well, who knows, maybe a hundred years from now all that will have changed.

Laverne: Yeah, wouldn't it be great if no one cared about your reputation? Think of all the fun you could have!”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: Once Upon a Rumor
Tagged: Bad Reputation, Slut Shaming, gender double standards, Fun
“Mrs. Feeney: Now tell me, what do you girls like to do on a Saturday night?

Laverne: At home or in a car?”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: Mother Knows Worst
Tagged: saturday night, car sex
“I'll be as loose as I ever am on a first date. A little of this, a little of that, but no petting.”
— Shirley Feeney, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: Dog Day Blind Dates
Tagged: Loose, slutty, heavy petting
“Shirley: Laverne, the only parties we've ever been to are bring-your-own.

Laverne: I like bringin' my own... that way I know what I'm gettin'.”
— Laverne De Fazio, Laverne & Shirley, Season 1: The Society Party
Tagged: BYOB, parties
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