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Beavis and Butt-head Quotes

“[while watching a KISS video]

You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: The Butt-Head Experience
“[watching a Violent Femmes video] I don't understand what the big deal is about breaking up. I'd just be like "Hey baby, get lost. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
“I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Great Cornholio
“Butt-head: [choking] Beavis! Beavis! I'm choking!

Beavis: Yeah, so. What do you want me to do about it?

Butt-head: Call 911!

Beavis: Why don't you call? You're closer.”
— Beavis & Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Choke
“[laughs while reading a label of superglue] It says "Use on wood."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Beard Boys
“Butt-head: Uhhhh... I'm, like, angry at numbers.

Beavis: Yeah, there's like, too many of them and stuff.”
— Beavis & Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
“[watching a Morrissey music video] Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Blackout!
“I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Most Wanted
“Voice on T.V. Ad: [on T.V.] Imagine yourself, your own finger, luxuriously touched with the new karat gold Cubic Zerconium.

Beavis: [on the phone] hello, yeah, I'd like to order one of those... Pubic... Zercroniums.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Plate Frisbee
“[while watching the video to Bananarama's "Venus] These chicks should marry GWAR.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Beavis and Butt-head Meet God
“Beavis: Hey, where's the TV?

God: TV is the devil's tool.

Butt-Head: Yeah, where is it?”
— Beavis & Butthead, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Beavis and Butt-head Meet God
“Everybody thinks babies are cute. Well they're not so cute when they are yours, I'll tell you that right now! Crapping and puking all over you! They cost a damn fortune to feed and all they do is make your life a misery, just like what you're doing to your parents right now!”
— Coach Buzzcut, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Baby Makes Uh, Three
“[watching the video for 'Hangin' Tough' by New Kids on the Block]

Butt-Head: This video needs, like, more explosions and close-ups of butts.

Beavis: Yeah. They should have somebody come out and start kicking these guys. That would be cool.”
— Beavis & Butthead, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Sick
“Fort Dix? Is that anywhere near fort nuts?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
“[Tom Jones is on TV]

Butt-Head: Prince sure is old!

Beavis: Yeah... and he's white!

Butt-Head: Yeah, he has that disease. Like Michael Jackson.

Beavis: Yeah, he got it from Prince.”
— Beavis & Butthead, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Stewart's House
“Hey Beavis, I hear that if you fill a room with gas, and light a match, all the oxygen, like, disappears, and we'll get a killer buzz!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Stewart's House
“[Watching a Public Image Ltd music video] 

Public Image Ltd.: I could be black, I could be white...
 
Butt-head: You're WHITE.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Customers Suck
“[Beavis and Butt-head walk up to a female police officer who is posing as a prostitute]
Butt-head:  Hey, baby…so, like, how much?

Officer:  Fifty.

Butt-head:  Cool.  Beavis, do you have fifty cents?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: U.S. History
Tagged: undercover cop, prostitution
“Butt-head:  [to McVicker]  You just weren't reaching us, dude.

Beavis:  Yeah, and if you try reaching for us, I'll kick you in the nads!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
Tagged: reaching, Double Entendre
“Daria:  You guys will never graduate.

Butt-head:  Uhh…never masturbate?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: The Mystery of Morning Wood
Tagged: graduate, masturbate, Misheard
“[as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address]  When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick's father brought forth upon me a prostitute.  Huh-huh.  Because some dudes just weren't created equal.  Huh-huh.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, Prostitute
“Uhh, the Yiddish are coming.  Huh-huh-huh.  The Yiddish are coming.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: british, Yiddish
“Uhh, thank you oh great master for your wisdom.  But, uh, we were like wondering if you could like, bite us?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: Werewolves of Highland
Tagged: Wisdom, bite us
“Butt-head: Face it, Beavis, you have a problem with your penis. Maybe you should wash it or something.

Beavis: Yeah, I'll just…wait, with water? No way, then it'll get all wet.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Tainted Meat
Tagged: Genital Hygiene, penis
“Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Top O' The Mountain
Tagged: I have been to the mountaintop, it is good
“Buzzcut: And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!?

Butt-head: Uhh…no.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Water Safety
Tagged: Compassion
“Uh…I've got a crisis…in my pants.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Crisis Line
Tagged: Crisis, erection
“Gus Baker: Hey! We're on the air! You can't use that language!

Beavis: We use language?”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Right On
Tagged: Language, Profanity
“Judge: You'll need someone who knows the laws, who's familiar with the penal system and—

Beavis: [laughing with Butt-head] She said penal.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Plate Frisbee
Tagged: Penal, Penile, Homonyms
“Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. We could get rich doing this. We need to get more balls.

Beavis: [laughs] You've got to hear what you just said, Butt-head. You said, heh, "We need to get more balls."

Butt-head: Huh huh huh, oh yeah.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Mr. Anderson's Balls
Tagged: balls, Double Entendre
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