1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Mort Nathan

Mort Nathan Quotes

Total quotes: 25
“Blanche: I'm going to have to meet men lying down.
Sophia: I thought you did.”
— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, The Golden Girls, The Golden Girls Season 1: Rose the Prude
Tagged: Double Entendre, Slut Shaming
“Rose: Oh, Sophia. I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?”
— Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls, The Golden Girls Season 1: Big Daddy
Tagged: Disinterest, IDGAF, Thunderstorm
“Neighbor: Roy, can you get sick drinkin’ piss?

Roy: I think you can.

Neighbor: Even if it’s your own?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Urine, Drinking Urine, Piss
“Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?

Roy: I don’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Drinking, puking
“The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn’t kickin’ mine.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Kick Ass
“Rose: I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
Dorothy: It’s the tight pants, Rose.”
— Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls, The Golden Girls Season 1: The Competition
Tagged: Italian Men, Tight Pants, Romantic
“1979 Waitress: Tanqueray and Tab.

Ernie McCracken: Keep ’em comin’, sweets, I got a long drive. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?”
— Ernie McCracken, Kingpin
Tagged: Tanqueray, Tab, perfume
“Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Piece of Shit, coveting thy neighbor's wife
“Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.”
— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, The Golden Girls, The Golden Girls Season 1: The Competition
Tagged: STDs, Gonorrhea
“Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless.”
— Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls, Season 2: Ladies of the Evening
Tagged: Jealousy, Backless Dresses, insults
“I slept with my two brothers until I was seventeen. I was engaged to one for a very short period of time, but that's a separate story.”
— Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls, Season 2: Bedtime Story
Tagged: Incest
“Everything I have, you try to steal. May the bags under your eyes grow so large your head falls in 'em!”
— Barry Fanaro, Mort Nathan, The Golden Girls, Season 2: Long Days Journey into Marinara
Tagged: Eye Bags, Curses
“McKnight Bowl Bartender: So, you two are dictionary salesmen?

Roy: You would be punctilious in assuming that.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Dictionary, Punctilious
“That coffee wasn’t even hot. [takes a sip of coffee] Now, that’s hot.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Hot Coffee
“Blanche: I once was told I bore a striking resemblance to Miss Cheryl Ladd ... although my bosoms are perkier!

Dorothy: Not even if you were hanging upside-down on a trapeze!”
— Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls, Season 2: 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas
Tagged: Boob-Shaming, Cheryl Ladd, Charlie's Angels
“Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I’ll lose my entire bonus check because I’m so bombed.

McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?

Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling, Sniffing Glue, Drunk, Bombing
“ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?

Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh...drinking. Lot a drinking.

ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?

Roy: No. I uh...I put...uh...why, you buying?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Alcoholism
“You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.”
— Ernie McCracken, Kingpin
Tagged: gravy train, Biscuits
“After 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone!”
— Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls, Season 2: A Piece of Cake
Tagged: old age, Milestone, Tombstone
“Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.”
— Ernie McCracken, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling, Face the Music
“Roy: Just because you’re familiar with the missionary position doesn’t make you a missionary.

Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you’re not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.

Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: MIssionary Position, missionary
“Ishmael: You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it’s bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.

Roy: Is that right? Who’s done more research on the subject than the good people at the American tobacco industry? They say it’s harmless. Why would they lie? If you’re dead, you can’t smoke.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: smoking, Tobacco, Lungs, heart
“Bowling Priest: You see, bowling for money...that’s my only vice.

Cocktail Waitress: Here’s your drink.

Bowling Priest: Thanks, sugar. [takes drink from a double bourbon on the rocks and pats waitress’ behind] Okay, two vices.

Ernie McCracken: That’s still very good.”
— Ernie McCracken, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling, Vice
“Ernie McCracken: The Munson.

Roy: Big Ern. Long time.

Ernie McCracken: I’ll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table. I heard a horrible rumor...[looks at Roy’s prosthetic rubber hand] Oh, creepy! I’m sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?

Roy: You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about what I’d say to you if I ever ran into you again.

Ernie McCracken: I bet! [notices Claudia] Hello.”
— Ernie McCracken, Kingpin
Tagged: Rumors, prosthetic hand
“Roy: What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the novelty machine in the men’s room? I mean, those are fun even when you’re alone.

Lancaster Bowl Manager: Yeah.

Roy: You get it?

Lancaster Bowl Manager: [impatiently, trying to read his Asian Brides magazine] Yeah!

Roy: This is like the hula hoop of the nineties. People go nuts!

Lancaster Bowl Manager: No! Look, we don’t even have a novelty machine in the men’s room anymore.

Roy: And you call this a bowling alley?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling Alley, fluorescent condoms, Asian Brides, novelty machine
loading next page...