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  2. Ted Elliott

Ted Elliott Quotes

Total quotes: 35
“Shrek: Ogres are like onions...

Donkey: They stink?

Shrek: Yes... No.

Donkey: They make you cry?

Shrek: Nooo!”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Tagged: intiution, Females, Troubled
“We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Sleepover, manly, Stories, Waffles
“Shrek: I'm going to be a father, how did this happen?

Puss: Allow me to explain. You see when a man loves a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him.

Shrek: I know how it happened!!”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Turner: You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement! In a fair fight, I'd kill you!


Sparrow: Well, that's not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it?”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: rules of engagement, fighting fair, Incentive
“The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: Rules, Natural Law
“Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?

Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.

Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Dragon, fire-breathing, pain in the neck
“[Donkey keeps humming the 'Duloc' song]
Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

Donkey: Sorry 'bout that.”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Singing, Annoying, spanking
“Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you tried to kill me in the past. One of you succeeded.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: sailing, Murder, Life After Death
“[While looking at a very large castle] Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“[looking for a certain type of flower]
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: blue flower, red thorns, Color Blind
“Donkey: Hi, Princess!

Princess Fiona: It talks!

Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Sick Burns, insults, talk, shut up
“[Shrek bursts into Fiona's and Farquaad's wedding] Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?”
— Lord Farquaad, Shrek
Tagged: Rude, Uninvited, wedding crashing
“Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.

Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Cannibalism
“Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: pestilent, traitorous, yeasty, codpiece, insults
“Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. I mean honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: Honesty, Dishonety, Stupid
“You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Tagged: Trust, Mistrust
“A gentleman allows the woman to maintain her fiction.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Tagged: Gentlemen, Women, fiction, Humoring Someone
“I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going...take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: stairs, Threats, butt whipping
“My donkey fell in your waffle hole.”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“You may kill me, but you can never insult me.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: Murder, insults
“Better to not know which moment may be your last.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Tagged: Mortality, surprise
“You add an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: agreeable, macabre, Delirium
“The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: Hell, circles of hell, Betrayal, Mutineer
“Any man who falls behind is left behind.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: laziness, Hesitation
“Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: weirdness, washing hands
“You have a ridiculously high regard for fate, mate.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Tagged: high regard, Fate
“Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: Treasure, silver, gold
“I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Tagged: temporal, ephemeral
“Death has a way of reshuffling one's priorities.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: Death, Priorities
“Not just the Spanish Main, love. The entire ocean. The entire world. Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is...what the Black Pearl really is...is freedom.”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Tagged: spanish main, Ocean, Black Pearl, Freedom
“ Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish...flippin' glorious little sausages. Pen them up together and they will devour each other without a second thought. Human nature, innit? Ooor...fish nature. So yes! We could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! ”
— Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Tagged: cuttlefish, sausages, grim
“Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?

Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: insults, Anthropomorphism
“[to his knights] The winner of this tournament—no, no, the privilege—will have the honor of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth... Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.”
— Lord Farquaad, Shrek
Tagged: tournament, Winner, Dragon
“Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?

Shrek: That, would be my home.

Donkey: Oh...and it is LOVELY! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.”
— Donkey (voice), Shrek
Tagged: Oops, insults, hovel, walking it back
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