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Stephen Merchant Quotes

Total quotes: 9
“No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: downsizing, Patient, cancer, don't tell
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: dementors, Worst Thing, Harry Potter reference, Prison Mike, Prison
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: receptionist, Cute, years, Younger
“You're not married, you haven't got a girlfriend, and you've never watched Star Trek? Good Lord...”
— Patrick Stewart, Extras, Season 1: Patrick Stewart
Tagged: Star Trek, Single
“Beware the light. [blows himself up]”
— Caliban, Logan
Tagged: the light, Suicide
“Wrestle with your family and be happy.”
— Hutch Morgan, Fighting with My Family
Tagged: Wrestle , Family, Happy
“It's simply beyond words. It's incalculable.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: simply, Beyond, incalculable, Words
“I'm not shitting on my own doorstep.”
— Ste(ph)en, Hello Ladies, Season 1: The Date
Tagged: Dating Coworkers, Dating Friends
“Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?

Michael: I stole...and I robbed...and I kidnapped the president's son...and held him for ransom.


Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.


Michael: And I never got caught neither.


Jim: Well, you were in prison, but..mhm.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: Prison Mike, Prison
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