Mr. Garrison Quotes
Total quotes (11)
Total quotes (11)
Gay people? Gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?
Mr. Garrison: What the hell is that? [walks to the window and looks out] Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! [some of the kids slink down in their seats] Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door. [the doorknob turns and the kindergartners crouch in terror]
Rosie O'Donnell: Hello, kids!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle, is there anything you can do for the Christmas play that isn't related to Jesus?
Sheila: How about the dreidel song, boobie?
Kyle: I can sing the Mr. Hankey song.
Mr. Garrison: The Mr. Hankey song, how does that go?
Kyle: [singing] Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love...
Stan: Christmas poo?
Cartman: What the hell is Christmas poo?!
Kyle: Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, haven't you guys ever heard of it?
Sheila: Kyle, that is enough!
Mr. Garrison: See, that's what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan.
Sheila: Now that does it! I am going straight to the mayor about you Mr. Garrison!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, wait, wait. I'm sorry, was it the pagan remark?
Mr. Garrison: I feel kinda nauseous.
Tom: Yes, that's to be expected. We did some major reconstruction, sawed through some bone, snapped some cartilage, all the blood and mucus just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart. [makes disgusting noises of bone and blood]
Mr. Garrison: Arrgh!
Tom: By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?
Mr. Garrison: [throws up] Stop! That movie was terrible!
Tom: I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison. Why don't you get some rest and I'll check on you a little later.
Mr. Garrison: Sat through that entire movie to see the alien and it was her goddamn father!