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Lee Eisenberg Quotes

Total quotes: 25
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Fight
Tagged: feared, Loved, Both
“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: New Boss
Tagged: Redundant, ASAP, call me
“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Traveling Salesmen
Tagged: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, strike one
“I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convention
Tagged: inside jokes, part of one, Someday
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Women's Appreciation
Tagged: Man, understands, Women, Fool
“Lucas: It could contaminate the water.

Thor: We can throw it in the forest.

Lucas: It's a sex drug. What if a fox eats it and tries to fuck a squirrel? It'll kill him!”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: water supply, Forest, sex drug, Fox, Squirrel, Fuck
“Max: Nobody even kissed.

Thor: Well not in their mouths, at least.”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: kiss, french kiss
“Hannah: This is what happens when you don't respect women.

Lucas: I respect women. My mom's my best friend!

Thor: What about me?”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: Women, respect women, Best friend, Gender Identity
“Officer Sacks: What do you have in your pants?

Thor: My penis?

Officer Sacks: Pull it out.

Thor: I also have a big dick.”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: penis, Big Dick
“Does this look like a sippy cup? No, it's a fucking juice box! Because I'm not a fucking child!”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: sippy cup, Juice Box, Fucking
“Jim: Wow it's a little early for ice cream don't you think?

Michael: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It's comfort food, alright?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: It's Never Too Early For Ice Cream, comfort food
“I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before... try.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 4: Job Fair
Tagged: Working Hard, Hardly Working, Jobs
“I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 3: The Return
Tagged: The Universe
“Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. 'Cause of your butt.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: hate to see you leave, love to watch you go, butt
“It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Scott's Tots
Tagged: Russia, Soviet Union, good thing, exisit
“Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: Mind, mile a minute, misworded, Hour
“I will always love you, but I no longer like you.”
— Max's dad, Good Boys
Tagged: Love, like
“I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Traveling Salesmen
Tagged: Overslept, Roosters
“Hey, Stranger Things—go fuck yourselves!”
— Benji, Good Boys
Tagged: Go Fuck Yourself
“What the fuck are you looking at, Gandalf?”
— Lucas, Good Boys
Tagged: Fuck, Gandalf
“Oh, fuck yeah.”
— Max, Good Boys
Tagged: fuck yeah
“Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Secret
Tagged: Great Friends, hang out, Work, Friendship
“I'm not shitting on my own doorstep.”
— Ste(ph)en, Hello Ladies, Season 1: The Date
Tagged: Dating Coworkers, Dating Friends
“Thor: Look what I found at school today.

Lucas: What is it?

Thor: I have no idea.

Max: That's a tampon. Girls shove it up their buttholes to stop babies from coming out. An eighth-grader told me that.”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: tampon, buttholes, Contraception
“Max: We're in sixth grade now. We need to start doing sixth-grade things.

Annabelle: I know what cocaine is.

Max: Annabelle! Get the fuck out of here! Beanbag boys only, you little shit! Annabelle's been watching Dateline. She now knows what cocaine is.

Annabelle: Hi.

Max: Oh, my god!

Thor: What the fuck?

Annabelle: Let me a beanbag boy. I'll grow a tiny penis like Thor's.

Thor: Mom!”
— Thor, Good Boys
Tagged: sixth grade, Cocaine, Dateline, little shit, What the Fuck
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