Jon Vitti Quotes

Total quotes (22)

Jon Vitti

Jon Vitti

Birthname

Educated At Harvard University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Screenwriter

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Total quotes (22)

OH, NO! 239 lbs?!? I'm a whale! Why are all the good things so tasty?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: Homer's Night Out

fat Overweight Metaphor Examples Whale Good Things Tasty

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Bart: I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants.

Grampa: Too late.

— Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright), The Simpsons, Season 4: Treehouse of Horror III

Story scary wet your pants Pee Too Late accident

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Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.

Homer: Sorry, Marge. Some wiseguy stuck a cork in the bottle.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

Glass Wine wiseguy cork bottle

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Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired by Hallmark and Disney in a hostile takeover, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

— Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith), The Simpsons, Season 6: Another Simpsons Clip Show

romance dead Hallmark Disney sold off Cynical

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Ned: Alright, that's it, young man! No Bible stories for you tonight!

Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?

Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

— Ned Flanders (Harry Shearer), The Simpsons, Season 3: Bart the Lover

bible stories punishment Temper Parenthood Marriage

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Eat my shorts!

— Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright), The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror

Catchphrase Eat Shorts Diss

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Attention Homer Simpson, you have been promoted. You are now an executive. Take three minutes to say good-bye to your former friend and report to room 503 for reassignment to a better life.

— Waylon Smithers (Harry Shearer), The Simpsons, Season 2: Simpson and Delilah

promoted executive Friend reassignment Better Life

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Ned: Hidilly-hey!

Homer: Go home.

Ned: Toodledy-do!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare

mean greetings Home orders

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I thought dabbling in the black arts would be good for a chuckle. How wrong I was.

— Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright), The Simpsons, Season 4: Treehouse of Horror III

dabbling black arts dark arts chuckle Wrong

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Homer: Do you sell toys?

Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt which I call frogurt.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Treehouse of Horror III

Toys forbidden objects tread Frozen Yogurt

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Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

Fighting argument Debate America Land of Opportunity Capitalism Blood workers

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If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.

— Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 7: Viewing Party

Threat Murder Kill Heartbreak Warning humor Literally

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Morons. Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless. None of these cretins deserves a promotion.

— Mr. Burns (Christopher Collins), The Simpsons, Season 2: Simpson and Delilah

Morons pathetic Stealing Money hopeless cretins

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Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound, but here goes: I believe in you.

— Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith), The Simpsons, Season 2: Dead Putting Society

Words of Encouragement sound Believe I believe in you

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Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 13: Weekend at Burnsie's

Cold Turkey Delicious Expectations Reality Disappointment

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Ew, baby spit! YOU suck.

— Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright), The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror

Ew ick baby spit suck

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Stupid family going to stupid Flanders' stupid barbecue. What if they got back and I was dead from not eating? Then they'd be sorry. They'd say, 'Oh no, why did we go to Flanders barbecue? Why did we leave Homer all alone without any food?' And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave. Heh heh heh.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: When Flanders Failed

Family Barbecue food grave Laughing Death Starvation

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I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.

— Marge Simpson (Julie Kavner), The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror

live House Evil Money

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Erin Hannon: Why don't you like him?

Michael Scott: What is there to like? He's just... he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist. Why do you care whether we like him or not?

Erin Hannon: I care if you like him.

— Erin Hannon (Ellie Kemper), The Office, Season 7: Viewing Party

sweet moments Skeevy Father Figure Dating Cute

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Blue-Haired Lawyer: But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, 'Die Bart, Die?'

Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for 'The Bart, The.'

Juror: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

— Sideshow Bob (Kelsey Grammer), The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare

Die Tattoo Irony examples Germany Evil

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But who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!

— Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright), The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare

hurt Questions Century Dennis the Menace

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[Principal Skinner offers a solution to Bart’s problems at school.]

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider deportation.

Marge: Deportation?! You mean kick Bart out of the country?!

Homer: Hear him out, Marge.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

School suspension explusion Deportation Extreme Country Crock

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