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Johnny Hardwick Quotes

Total quotes: 13
“I don't mean to sound racist, but this by far is the best selection of beans I have ever seen. I'm serious.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 6: Beer and Loathing
Tagged: Beans, racist
“Well, Joseph went to his first sleepover last night. Didn't go so well, he's a cuddler, so I had to go pick him up.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 12: The Accidental Terrorist
Tagged: Sleepover, Cuddler
“I hear Mega Lo Mart is taking bids for a rat problem. Boy, that'd be a sweet gig. I could finally start paying for Nancy's health insurance instead of just telling Nancy I'm paying for it.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 7: Megalo Dale
Tagged: exterminator, Health Insurance
“So it turns out I'm not the actual Dale Gribble, but a clone of him. The original Dale Gribble is a super-warrior from the year 2087. The second me, i.e., I, was created to help the first me fight the invading Mongol armies.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 8: Reborn to Be Wild
Tagged: alter ego, super-warrior
“Get away from my wife or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 6: My Own Private Rodeo
Tagged: Threats, Bad aim
“Bobby, I didn't think I'd ever need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 3: Three Coaches and a Bobby
Tagged: soccer, European, anti-American
“I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee walking horse that was looking at me funny.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 3: Hank’s Cowboy Movie
Tagged: gophers, tennessee, bragging
“I'm all jacked up on America right now! Anyone want to hear me recite the Constitution?”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 9: Dale to the Chief
Tagged: Patriotism, America, Constitution
“...which is why so many people are suddenly allergic to peanuts. The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism. They're tired of being eaten, and now they're fighting back.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 4: Naked Ambition
Tagged: peanut allergies, Conspiracy Theories
“You're like E.T., except E.T. was a purebred alien with a heart of gold. You're only half-alien and at times can be a tad self-absorbed.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 6: Of Mice and Little Green Men
Tagged: E.T., Alien
“Guns don't kill people, the government does.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 2: How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying
Tagged: Guns, Government, Second Amendment
“That makes a whole lot of sense….A whole lot of nonsense!”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 5: The Buck Stops Here
Tagged: Sense, Nonsense
“The only thing your roommates (i.e., enemies) will understand is fear (i.e., psychological warfare (i.e., dirty tricks). It worked for Dick Nixon. For example, get ahold of some goat's blood. Taint that blood. Then when your roommates need blood, give them the tainted goat's blood. It's a perfect plan.”
— Dale Gribble, King of the Hill, Season 4: Movin' On Up
Tagged: enemies, Fear, tricks, Richard Nixon, Goat's Blood
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