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Delilah S. Dawson Quotes

Total quotes: 39
“Your career isn't over until you stop writing. If your book flops, if they drop your contract, if they don't buy your next book-- it's not over. Pick a pseudonym, switch genres, self-publish, hybridize. It's not over until you are.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Life, life advice, Career, Career Advice, Writing, Writing As A Career, Motivational, Writing Advice, writer's advice
“Hey, you. You're doing okay. You might be treading water, or you might be floating, but soon you'll want to swim again. Chilling out is part of the creative cycle. The art is in you, waiting to break free at exactly the right time.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Life, life advice, creative cycle, Productivity, relax, learn to relax, Motivational
“Reminder: A creative career is a lot like surfing. Most of it is about paddling like hell, trying not to drown, and waiting for just the right moment to stand. The surfing, although exhilarating, is the rarest, briefest part.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Career, Career Advice, creative career, Motivational Life Quotes, Writing, Arts, Craft
“You have to write it for you. Then put in the work to make it the best book you can write. And then think about how to get it on bookshelves. Always write the book for you, first.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, write for yourself
“Please don't forget that you are important and special and you deserve care. Be gentle with yourself so you can be fierce in the world.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Self Care, self control, Self-Trust, Self-Love, Motivational, Empowering
“If your writing is compelling from page 1, NO ONE CARES WHAT THE TITLE IS. Titles can change. No one rejects an amazing book because the title is bad.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, finding an agent, publishing a book
“Your job is to write the best book you can. Period. Every time. Don't 'save' anything for later. Don't leave anything on the mat. If the idea sweeps you up in its fury, ride the dang wave.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing A Book, writing a novel, Writing Advice, Writing As A Career, writer's advice, Motivational
“If you're passionate about telling a story, write the book. Time spent writing isn't time wasted. You're making art. That's worth something.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writing Tips, writing is art, Motivational
“Every book can't be a bestseller, obviously, and they know that. Publishers buy plenty of books that are well written to fill out their lists. That's why we have midlisters and quiet books. That's why I have a career.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writer's Truth, publishing a book, getting published
“Whatever gets the job done and doesn't make you hate yourself or self-destruct is the right way to do it. Whenever I give advice here, I'm speaking to the writer I was in 2009.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writing Tips
“I feel like the biggest battle writers face is slogging through when the work isn't flowing, when it's hard, when we're unsure. It's so easy to say, 'Oh, well, the mojo ain't there today,' and quit. But even 500 words is more than 0. You've just got to push through.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, writer's advice, keep on writing, Motivational
“Plenty of people with talent doubt themselves. Plenty of writers I know are deathly afraid they stink. Confidence is great and all, but you don't have to have it to be a good writer. You just have to keep going and committing yourself to leveling up.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writers, Writing Advice
“For me, I want to query a finished book--not end on a cliffhanger, assuming they'll pick up a series. So I would make build a rich world with places to explore and plenty of characters but definitely end the book in a satisfying way. If it sells, you can switch up the ending.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, story endings, ending a book, ending a novel
“...writing is an individual journey. There's no norm. Getting an agent/sale can take 10 months or 10 years. Write the best book you can, edit it the best you can, polish the best you can, and hit the send button. Repeat until you reach your goal. You got this.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing A Book, Writer's Truth, Inspirational, Motivational, keep writing
“Before you have a support structure, you can ask people who know and like you. If you've found a writing community online, you can find a critique partner, take a writing class, or join a writing group. It usually involves a trade, as crit. takes time.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, writing community, joining writing community
“If I could change 1 thing about my debut year as an author, I wish someone in power had looked me in the eye and said, 'You wrote a good book, and you're a good writer, but we are not pushing your book. There is no way it will hit list. Just have fun.' Truth > disappointment.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Books, selling books, publishing a book, Publishing, publishing industry, author, Writing
“I don't edit a thing until I have a finished first draft. That way lies madness, or at least the opportunity to fall into a pit of hot garbage that will remind me how much I suck and convince me I forgot how to write. Finish the first draft. fix it later.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, just write, Writing A Book
“I worry for people whose first book is a wild success. What happens when you have a book that doesn't receive that attention? When you're suddenly not the belle of the ball? It's hard to fall from grace. You've got to be realistic + love the writing + know it's not all you.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, writer's advice, Writer's Truth, success in writing, writing success
“In order to write and edit a book and sell it to a publisher, you must be creative and conscientious. WHICH IS A PERFECT STORM FOR DEBUT PAIN. Bc you can imagine grand successes and then feel completely to blame when they do not come to pass. Honey, it ain't you.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: publishing a book, publishing industry, selling books, Writing, book success, success in writing
“I'm still with my 1st agent, but from what I hear, some red flags with an agent are:
1. If they take more than a week to return a simple email, more than 6 weeks w edits
2. If you've been working on a book for over a year and still haven't gone on sub.
3. That sinking feeling...”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, publishing a book, agents, finding agents, publishing industry
“The point is to get a pro's eyes on your work. Whether that's a career writer you admire, an agent, or an editor working with a legit publisher, their feedback can often give you the barometer for where you are and what you need to do to level up.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writing Tips
“- some writers have day jobs
- some don't
- some writers have a lot of money
- some struggle to stay afloat
- some writers get huge advances or can live off royalties
- some writers aren't there yet
Money doesn't make a writer a good or bad person or a good or bad writer.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writers, Writer's Truth, writer's life
“Talent, potential-- none of that matters. Literally the only thing that will get you published is writing the best book that you can and going through the right steps to get it published. Nobody pays for potential. They can't publish potential. They need an actual book.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing A Book, getting published, Writing Advice
“"Almost publishable" is, unfortunately, a great pat on the head into which you can't read deeper meaning. It could mean the book, or it could mean you. But it's a good sign! I'd start writing the next book. And if you're still querying, keep querying.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writer's Truth, Writing Advice, Writing, rejection letters, getting published
“The really important point here is that your debut book/series/year DOES NOT PREDICT YOUR CAREER. It's not any indicator of future success. Publishers know and understand this. Just keep writing the best books you can. Keep innovating without fear. Keep that hope.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, Writing A Book, writing a novel, Writing Advice, Writer's Truth, author, Books, selling books, Publishing, publishing industry, publishing a book
“So the point of a writing schedule is to hold you accountable on those days when the writing isn't easy. You don't need a schedule to be a consistent writer. You don't need a calendar with stickers. You just have to figure out what works for *you*. Whatever works=your process.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, writing schedule, Writing Advice, Writing Techniques
“Only one thing drives me to write books: OBSESSION. Ferocious love. From the beginning, I've thought of writing as my escape, as this special and important calling. Not drudgery, not *eyeroll* work. I get this fierce, desperate glee as I plan a story. Like planning a vacation.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, writing experience, writer's words, writer's experience, writing is healing, in love with writing
“The hard thing about publishing is you need professional feedback to grow your skills, but you can't get professional feedback until you have skills. I feel like this is why so many people lose hope in the query trenches. The solution: Take a class, go to a conf.,  join a group.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Publishing, publishing a book, publishing industry, Writing, writer's advice
“I mean, publicity is hard. Publicists LOVE books and they LOVE their authors, but... Imagine you've got 30 sled dogs to feed and not enough food. You give each dog the bare minimum to keep it alive and sneak extra food to the strongest pullers. You've got to keep pulling.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: publicity, Marketing, selling books, Books, Publishing, publishing industry
“If writing sucks years out of your life, why are you doing it? Writing doesn't suck anything out of my life; it adds depth and meaning and gives me something to hope for, something to gnaw on, something to dream about, a way to connect with people. Writing refills my soul.”
— Delilah S. Dawson
Tagged: Writing, writer's words, writing is healing, Writer's Truth
“Much of publishing is completely out of your control. The only thing you can control is the power of your storytelling and the professionalism with which you deliver it, and that means tuning out the noise, putting your butt back into the chair, and getting better.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, 25 Steps To Being A Traditionally Published Author
Tagged: Publishing, Writing
“1. Here's the question: How do you get more comfortable with descriptive writing? And I'll add: Without verging into purple prose or an info dump. This ties in with worldbuilding, which is one of my favorite things.

2. So. Worldbuilding starts on page 1. The words you use, the things you point out, the rhythm of your words: They all harmonize to paint the background setting for your story. The book/genre should suggest the appropriate tone and voice. What does that mean?

3. Epic Fantasy: The chaka trees creaked in the gale-force winds, driving the black dragons into the crystalline caves where they growled warnings to their eggs. Urban Fantasy: Oily rain pattered the cracked asphalt and reflected the flickering neon of the late night pizza dive.

4. Each thing you choose to point out should be unique to your world and story. Each adjective is carefully chosen for voice and genre. These details don't always happen in the first draft. In the first draft, just get it on the page. Make it beautiful and specific later.

5. Mind you, the descriptive language we see on the page will depend on the POV you've chosen. You can get away with a lot more if it's in first person and voicey. But then, of course, you've got to watch out for pages of "I'm the kind of guy who" and "let me describe my life."

6. There is no formula for "the right amount" of descriptive language. It works or it doesn't. If you reread it and start skipping lines to get to character/dialogue, you need to cut stuff. If you read it and have trouble picturing the scene, you need to add stuff. Find balance.

7. Writing descriptively is a skill. Time on task. Consider all the senses, not just visual. What sounds, smells are there? What's the temperature? Can your character taste the petrichor or market spices? How does all this sensory input make them feel? Oppressed? Comforted?

8. One thing that helped me with descriptive language was joining a writing group where we did timed exercises. Had to quickly settle on a scene and get it on the page. I learned to give flavor immediately, using cultural shorthand and expressive vocabulary in small vignettes.

9. Another thing that helped was my use of playlists for story development, which you can read about here: http://www.whimsydark.com/blog/2016/5/17/how-and-why-to-make-a-book-playlist … The playlist keeps the flavor of the book on my tongue. It makes me see things, imagine a more lush background.

10. When writing 1st person description, consider what this person would notice that others wouldn't. How does their unique background and situation impact what would draw their attention? How would they describe something in a way no one else could? Which senses would dominate?

11. Descriptive language is all about flavor. Condense it down to syrup. For me: Wicked as They Come = sweet red wine, green vines, mist Servants of the Storm = oppressive ozone, rusty metal, swamp Wake of Vultures = dry desert, orange buttes, dun horses

12. When you're using descriptive language, you're not describing exactly what is seen. You're using a unique combination of visuals, adjectives, other senses, and character input to create a mood. No one cares how many chairs there are; we want to feel the splintered wood.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writing Tips, descriptive language, descriptive writing
“So I'm going to take on two related editing questions: How do you know if your edits are improving your book, and how do you know when you're ready to query? The bad news: There is no surefire way to know. But I can give you some tips!

So let's say you have a 1st draft. It's garbage, because all 1st drafts are garbage. Your job is to fix it! Your 2nd draft should fix obvious mistakes and holes, things you didn't know the first time around. I like to let my 2nd draft rest and forget it for a few weeks.

When I come to my 3rd draft, I've forgotten most of what I knew about the book, which means I have fresh eyes. Here, I look for plot or character inconsistencies, tension or motivation issues, etc. When am I bored? This is where you dig deep for big changes. Revision.

When I was starting out, this is the part where I realized that I had no idea how to make the book better. This is the part where I felt helpless and like publishing was rigged and like I had skill and if someone would just see my potential, I could do great things. But...

Here's where you show your grit. Take that 3rd draft and polish it up. Scour for spelling errors, make every sentence sing. Then find someone to read it. Someone who loves you and will tell you it's great. Ego boost! Now find someone who reads a lot. Get an honest opinion.

My 1st beta readers were neighborhood friends. But I got too much "This is great!" feedback, so I started asking specific questions, which gave them the in to offer constructive criticism. They often disagreed! I had to choose how to move forward and why. That's a big step.

At this step, you can use a cheat code to level up by taking a class or going to a conference and paying for the privilege of having pro eyes on your work. I crit 1st chapters in my @LitReactor class. My agent does this with @WritersDigest. I did not have this opportunity.

With my first few books, I didn't really grok deep edits, so I self-edited using reader feedback and polished for weeks. I didn't know it then, but I was procrastinating out of fear. It's easier to pull out a thesaurus then query agents and get the requisite rejections.

I realized Draft 13 was just me changing "tired" to "exhausted" and that I was being a coward and getting super bored with the book, so I decided to query. I'm a HUGE fan of querying early. Query early and get it out of the way. It'll make you stronger. But query RIGHT...

Here is my guide to getting published, which details how to learn to write a query and how to find literary agents: http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2013/08/13/25-steps-to-being-a-traditionally-published-author-lazy-bastard-edition/ … If you don't read every query on QueryShark, and if your draft isn't polished to h*ck, you are shooting yourself in the foot.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Editing, editing advice, getting published, submitting manuscripts
“Another painful writing truth = You can follow every bit of advice, do everything you're supposed to do, and still not succeed the 1st time. Writing = art. It's not about ticking all the boxes. Your story must, above all, compel. If it doesn't, you've got to figure out why.

There's this thing we call LIFT -- this unteachable, unforceable element of a book that makes it fill your heart with excitement. It makes a series sticky, makes a character someone you care about like they're real. It's a tough code to crack. Agents can see it. You need it.

The slush pile = your reaction to the test is part of the test. If you get 5 query rejections and want to quit, this might not be the job for you. You've got to find your reason to push through the self-doubt and fear. How much are you willing to fail?

But I can tell you with 100% accuracy when your book ISN'T ready and when you SHOULDN'T query, and that is December 1, after you've won NaNoWriMo. Do yourself a favor and edit that book properly. Do your work before attempting to query. Agents remember garbage queries.

Oh, and a tip for querying and live pitching at conferences: 95% of the time, saying, "This book is like nothing ever written before!" doesn't signal that you're the next JK Rowling. It says you haven't read widely in your genre or have disdain for it. Pick a different hook.

And when I think back to editing my first 2 books, the pre-agent books, I remember how hard I was on myself. I was learning a new skill set. I wasn't born knowing how to edit a book. It took a few messes and some guidance. No one expects you to get it right the 1st time.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Tips, Writing Advice, Editing, publishing a book
“We had a question this morning: How do you come up with names for characters and places in Science Fiction and Fantasy? Easy. STEAL 'EM.

Kidding. You can't have Mr. Spuck go to Chogwarts. But you can take inspiration. Start by considering names that stuck with you. Why?

Luke Skywalker = Timeless Biblical name + portmanteau of something space-y. There's a rhythm, a grandness to it. Sounds like destiny.

Han Solo = Short, sweet, like a punch. Solo = alone-- he's a rugged loner. Han = close enough to familiar words to sound like a name.

They key here is that things are close enough to words/names we know to seem reasonable and be memorable. Your mouth can make the sounds.

Start with a base and get creative. I used Old Norse in Phasma. Some Fantasy uses Latin or Old English. What's the flavor of your world?

I've heard Pat Rothfuss talk about names and mouthfeel. Skyzzyx souds evil and spiderlike, while Alverdale sounds grand, elven.

So you can pick a base, a sound, a vowel you like and riff on it when you're alone. Say it out loud. How does it feel when you say it?

"Evil" sounds: s, k, v, ee, anything with 'mort' in it Grand things often have more syllables, long vowels Rough things are short, abrupt

Other great sources for names to steal/riff on: Old tombstones, old phonebooks, old maps, Behind the Name, the SSA census list online.

Caveat: If you're blatantly borrowing from a different culture than your own, be super careful and do your research.

The key is saying the name. Tasting it. Cadence is important. Your reader's going to see that name 600+ times. It should be tasty.

1-1: Dirk Pitt 1-2: Han Solo 1-3: Luke Skywalker 2-2: Sookie Stackhouse 3-1: Criminy Stain 4-2: Hermione Granger. It should feel right.


Especially unusual but still approachable names *really* grab us. 7 of 9? Jayne? Eleven? Blade? Character must live up to that promise.

Time for my personal pet peeve: Introducing a protagonist as Katherine "Kat" Smith. No one does that in real life. She's just Kat.

Naming is super fun, but don't let it slow you down. You could daydream a perfect name... or write 2000 words. Guess which one matters?

I'll often just slap Tom or Mary name in while first drafting, and at the end, I know the right name. I do a Find & Replace. Boom. Done.

Trust your instincts with names. If one pops into your head, don't spend 3 days mulling it. Just start writing. Perfect doesn't exist.

Planet names are funny, though. 'Earth' sounds like a dying groan. Consider: Was the planet named by outsiders or natives? Why?

The main thing about names is that you don't let them slow you down. The character makes people love the name, not the other way around.

As a new writer, I thought a name could make or break a protagonist/story. Nope. It's just another aspect of worldbuilding.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Tips, naming characters, Writing Advice
“So if you want to know if your edits are improving your book, consider all these points. It doesn't matter how many times you check for typos if you don't have an active plot or your main character doesn't have an arc. The book should feel TIGHTER with each edit.

Here's some tough love: It's very rare that your 1st book is the one that will get an agent or a sale. For most pro writers I know (NOT ALL; DON'T @ ME), our 1st book is great practice that is ultimately trunked. Start writing book 2 while you query. Forward momentum!

How do you know when it's time to trunk your 1st book? * When you honestly can't think of a single way to improve it further * When you've got 60+ rejections and are out of agents to query * When you're sick of it and have a new story idea WRITE THE NEXT BOOK and query again.

The painful truth is that if your goal is to be traditionally published, you can't cling to 1 book forever. You can't write 7 books in the series and expect someone to buy them. You've got to write 1 great book, query it, repeat-- until you get an agent/sale. Period.

And as I say with every one of these writing advice threads: This is all based on my experience in the world of traditional publishing. YMMV. You may disagree. Every journey is different. There are outliers. You do you. May the odds be ever in your favor.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Advice, Writing Tips, publishing a book
“So when it comes to how you know if your book is any good, I'd say that if you can hire an experienced pro to tell you, you'll *actually* know. If you're going it alone, querying will tell you. I didn't know if I was technically ready to query, but I was doing it anyway.

I suggest sending out 5 queries to a variety of agents on your list. If you get nothing but form rejections, read more QueryShark and rewrite your query. If you're getting requests, keep querying and wait for responses. But what do those responses mean?

Decoding query responses:
1. Not a good fit= generally a form rejection
2. Agent offers compliment/any personal advice = getting close!
3. Agent suggests specific changes and says they'd look at it again = so close!
4. Agent wants to have a call to talk about it = SCORE

Still not sure if your book is good/if your edits are helping? Ask yourself:
* What does the protagonist want?
* What is the main conflict stopping them?
* What subplots complicate it?
* What is the character arc?
* Does the end satisfy the beginning?

Now, consider:
* Can you write a hook or blurb for your book?
* Are there any parts you consider boring?
* Would you tell someone it gets better in chapter 3/whatever?
* Are there weak spots you hope an agent won't notice?
* Are you proud of it?

Still not sure if your book is any good? Go ahead and write a 1-page synopsis, which many agents want as part of your query. Is there a definite plot-- this happens, which causes this, and then this? Or are most of the verbs passive-- she learned, he discovered? Plot= vital.

Check your first chapter. Is it a character experiencing a normal day in which nothing happens, walking around a room thinking about something, or describing themselves in a mirror? Those are all red flags. Consider the instigating factor and rewind one scene. Start there.

IME as a writer and teacher, many 1st chapters are the writer thinking out loud and waiting for something to happen. If that's in your first draft, cut it and decide where the book really starts: in a moment that shows character and worldbuilding while kicking off the plot.

One issue I see in books at the querying stage = the writer is ramrodding the plot when the main character should be driving it. Your protagonist should be motivated to do something, and their agency is what makes things happen. The world and antagonist should impede them.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: Writing, Writing Tips, Writing Advice, getting a book publish
“Let's say you write a book. You get an agent. Your agent thinks the book is flawless and requests no changes. She sells it to an editor. The editor thinks the book is flawless and requests no changes. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. STOP IMAGINING IT.

So if you want to be traditionally published, you've got to grow accustomed to having other cooks in your kitchen. That doesn't mean they're going to turn your pumpkin pie into a kale salad. That means they're going to make your stew more delicious. It's a team effort.”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: publishing a book, getting published, writing truth, Writer's Truth
“Dudes, here's a little primer on how to know if a girl is into you, based on an interaction I witnessed on a ferry yesterday in which the girl was clearly uncomfy.

1. Should you approach a lone woman? If she's wearing headphones, reading a book/device, or is napping, DO NOT APPROACH. She's not open.

2. You're in her orbit. Does she catch your eye and smile a little? Great! Say hi! Does she avoid your eyes, start texting, or find something to do in her bag? Leave her alone!

3. As you approach, does she smile, move her hair, make more eye contact? Great! Say hi! Does she look about frantically, make eye contact with other women, or move elsewhere? Leave her alone!

4. Now, this smile. If it includes teeth, lights up her eyes, or becomes a grin, that's a good sign. If it's close-lipped and doesn't touch her eyes, that's bad. This is a polite "don't kill me" smile.

5. This is a smile we've developed as animals that don't want trouble. Purse-lipped, polite-looking. This is a smile of fear. It is rare you're going to change it to the real kind of smile. Leave her alone!

6. You've said hi and you're talking. Does she respond enthusiastically with her own thoughts and feelings while smiling and gesticulating, or is it mostly nods, hmm, ah, uh huh? If she wants to talk to you, she will actually talk. Otherwise, nope!

7. Now, what about body language. Good signs: Open posture, nothing crossed, gesticulating, laughing. Bad signs: Curled in, defensive, arms crossed, nervous, eyes looking about frantically for a reason to leave.

8. Note: I'm especially talking about public transit or parties here. If you're at a bar or see a girl reading at a bookshop, YMMV. I just know that these physical signs are pretty much universal, and yet some guys never get it.

9. If you're the dude, consider this: Are you asking intrusive, threatening questions (Where do you live? What hotel are you at?) or open, interesting questions (What kind of movies do you like?) If her answers are brief or noncommittal, move on.

10. If the entire interaction is you asking intrusive questions and talking about yourself, it's not a conversation. To her, it feels like being held hostage. A conversation should be of equal enjoyment to both parties. If it's not, move on.

11. If you think you're to the point of flirting, it should go both ways. If you give her a compliment, does she compliment you back? Or does she say a terse "thanks" and look uncomfortable? If she's uncomfy, it's not flirting for her.

12. So it seems y'all are really adamant that if she's reading a book, she's open. I say it depends. Is she putting herself "out there", reading at a book store or college quad? Go for it. Is she using a book to hide her face on public transit? GTFO.

13. As a woman whose husband first approached her while she was reading a book, here's the diff: She puts the book down to focus on you with huge smile: Good. She gives you a terse answer and goes back to reading? Leave her alone.

14. And, hey. Don't start off by complimenting sexy things, ok? It's creepy. Compliment her fashion style, her eyes. Don't go for legs or tan or lips. She knows she looks good. This is not news that = she owes you conversation.

15. Is she asking you questions? This is a great sign. A woman who wants to leave the convo will do anything to avoid prolonging it.

16. If she feels trapped, it is unlikely anything you do will win her over. Being trapped does not feel good. The "don't kill me" smile hurts her face. She is a stressed animal that wants to escape. It's never gonna work. Say goodbye and leave her alone.

17. The Don't Kill Me Smile is a defense mechanism to keep us from making men angry so they won't hurt us. It is an instinctual thing. It makes your face hurt, gives you a headache. Her brain and heart are not engaged; it's just survival.

18. But, on the other hand, if you're seeing teeth, if she throws her head back to laugh, if she touches your arm or back? All great signs that she's comfortable and engaged in the conversation.

19. So when can you get touchy or sexual? SLOW YOUR GODDAMN ROLL. Women are not vending machines. You don't put in convo and wait for the groping to roll out. For the most part, she'll show you where she wants to be.

20. And all this advice goes for any interaction, especially with a power dynamic. I see agents or editors at conferences trapped by writers who reaaaallly want to make a connection, and the same rules apply. If the smile ain't real, the convo's not working.

In conclusion, for now: Whoever you are and whoever you're talking to, your goal should be a great interaction for both parties. Learn to read the positive and negative signals. If it's not working for the other party, politely withdraw. No big deal. ”
— Delilah S. Dawson, via twitter.com
Tagged: interacting with women, Male, Men, knowing when women are uncomfortable, approaching women, respecting women, learn to respect women, sexual harassment issue
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