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Benny Hill Quotes

Total quotes: 22
“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”
— Benny Hill, Best funniest Comedians one-liners | Comedians best one-liners of all time | Pictures | Pics | Express.co.uk
Tagged: humor
“Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.”
— Benny Hill, The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour
Tagged: Hot Pants, humor
“Live each day as if it were your last…because one day, you’ll be right.”
— Benny Hill
Tagged: Mortality, Carpe Diem, humor
“Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.”
— Benny Hill, Quick Quotations
Tagged: humor, Judaism, Christmas, Rhymes
“My ideal form of entertainment is to have it all going on at once: good music, pretty girls, lots of laughs. I sometimes use a girl singer the way Henny Youngman uses his violin as a bridge between one laugh and the next.”
— Benny Hill, Benny Hill, 67, English Comedian And Creator of TV Show, Is Dead
Tagged: Entertainment, Laughter, Henny Youngman
“I hoped...when I met you Maria,
You'd be the love of my life.
I gave you my heart, but you tore it apart,
So I think I'll go back to the wife....”
— Benny Hill, JOSE'S CANTINA Lyrics- BENNY HILL | eLyrics.net
Tagged: humor, Song Lyrics
“Did you hear about the actress who was so dumb, she couldn’t count to two without taking off her blouse?”
— Benny Hill, The Truth About Benny Hill
Tagged: humor, Misogyny
“Nervous dyspepsia. Indigestion. Heartburn. All sorts of things like that, you know?”
— Benny Hill, Benny Hill- interviewed by Michael Palin!!!
Tagged: humor
“The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.”
— Benny Hill, Leaving on a Jet Plane
Tagged: Terrorism, bombs, Flying, humor
“Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason...now I have a reason.”
— Benny Hill, Fifty of the funniest jokes from 50 of our favourite comedians
Tagged: Drinking, Dating, humor
“I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.”
— Benny Hill, Stop Smoking
Tagged: smoking, Cigarettes, Dating, humor
“I owe everything to television. It’s given me great opportunities outside television. It’s given me the chance to appear in a West End show. I’ve done my first film.”
— Benny Hill, Benny Hill- interviewed by Michael Palin!!!
Tagged: Television, London, West End, Gratitude
“That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.”
— Benny Hill
Tagged: Show Business, Sincerity, insincerity
“I'm not against half naked girls—not as often as I'd like to be.”
— Benny Hill, Elements of Taste
Tagged: Double Entendre, Nudity
“You only write what you know about.”
— Benny Hill, BENNY HILL: Interview Part 1 : 1974 Sydney Australia
Tagged: Writing
“Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.”
— Benny Hill, Dim Wit
Tagged: Misogyny
“You can’t run around laughing all the time.”
— Benny Hill, BENNY HILL: Interview Part 2 : 1974 Sydney Australia
“Because they won’t stick to the ceiling.”
— Benny Hill, The Truth About Benny Hill
Tagged: Sloppiness
“She has a black belt in cookery—she can kill you with one chop.”
— Benny Hill, Elements of Taste
Tagged: Cooking, humor
“Lucy went down on a farm, tried to milk a cow,
Though she tried she couldn't get the hang of it somehow.
The farmer looked at Lucy and murmured with a frown,
‘Well you just hang on tightly, gal, and she'll jump up and down.’”
— Benny Hill, GATHER IN THE MUSHROOMS Lyrics- BENNY HILL | eLyrics.net
“Now if you're feeling miserable, if you're feeling blue,
Here's a little ditty that'll help to pull you through,
All the clouds will disappear, the grey skies turn to blue:
Just stick your finger in your ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo.”
— Benny Hill
Tagged: Song Lyrics, humor
“I rise at six and then I feed the chicks,
And I'm feeling lonesome and blue,

And when I milk the cow it seems, somehow,
My thoughts keep straying to you.

And as the horse and I plough the field nearby,
Your memory I can't erase,

For while I walk at the rear of the horse, my dear,
I seem to see your face.”
— Benny Hill, HARVEST OF LOVE Lyrics- BENNY HILL | eLyrics.net
Tagged: humor
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