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Andy Samberg Quotes

Total quotes: 18
“Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Peralta: All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: Robot, Short sentences, Love, Participate
“Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh...

Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Lockdown
Tagged: Email, Condolences, Loss, Stinky Butt
“Terry: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?

Peralta: [Scoffs] No.

Technician: Lie.

Peralta: Allright fine. She is. She makes me feels things.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Unsolvable
Tagged: Taylor Swift, Lies, Feelings, Songs, Hits
“Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake.

Peralta: 'I hope it wasn't a mistake,' title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: New Captain
Tagged: mistake, Sex, Regrets, sex tape
“I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camaraderie with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: appealed, Sense, Teamwork, rousing, Speech, shakespeare, Shame
“'I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now': title of your sex tape.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: HalloVeen
Tagged: sex tape, Sex, joke
“ Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Sabatoge
Tagged: This Is How We Do It, Singing, Time, Waiting
“Backstreet Boys. I'm familiar. Okay. [presses intercom] Number one, could you please sing the opening to 'I Want It That Way?'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: DFW
Tagged: Backstreet Boys, Criminal Investigation, sing, Lineup, suspect
“I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: swear, perps, Stupid, criminal
“We've busted murderers; we've taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Operation
Tagged: busted, murders, cartels, worst, Fire Department
“Boyle: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.

Jake: No, it's probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Party
Tagged: beauty and the beast, fancy, USB, cubicle, plug, Finger
“God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: M.E. Time
Tagged: worst, fourth grader, upset, tattle tale, Sassy
“Judge Mindel: This looks like it was filled out by a toddler! Now, we are going to have to go through this point-by-point. Justice cannot be rushed.

Peralta: But could it be gently nudged into hyper speed?

Judge Mindel: I take it you're the toddler.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Charges and Specs
Tagged: toddler, Justice, Judge, Hyper Speed, Rushing
“Peralta: This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.

Gina: You mean like a dining room?

Peralta: Yeah. But in Manhattan.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Cheddar
Tagged: rich, Money, Dining Room, Manhattan
“Fine. But in protest, I'm walking over there extremely slowly!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Fine, protest, slowly
“Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Party
Tagged: orange soda, cereal, spill
“Jake: God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s?

Boyle: You know how it is, when you have a chance to bed an older woman, you-

Jake: No, that's not an older woman; that's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Sex, Old, Grandma, Bed, Chance
“You want someone to sweep you off your feet, but you’re more interested in getting swept off your feet than the someone who’s doing the sweeping. You seem like you got it totally together, but you’re actually really emotionally damaged.”
— Quincy, Friends With Benefits
Tagged: friends with benefits, damaged, broken
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