Amy Schumer

18 Amy Schumer Quotes That Prove She's Much More Than Just A Funny Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo

There is nothing better than being your own boss. Well, there is, actually: not having to work at all. 
Katie Mather
August 18, 2016
“When you get older and wiser, you get your confidence from within, not from the person you are having sex with.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Sex, Confidence, Getting Older, Age
“We all know one-night stands aren’t cure-alls for broken hearts and low self-esteem. That shit can backfire hard. We’ve all tried some form of remedy by way of sex and wound up feeling even more alone and running back to whatever dickface we’d just found the strength to leave.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: One Night Stands, Self-Esteem, Sex, Dick Boyfriends
“Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy. It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it— you need it. If you’re a true introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don’t hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them— like the sun.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Introvert, Being An Introvert, Power of Introverts
“Women are always expected to be the gracious hostess, quick with an anecdote and a sprinkling of laughter at others’ stories. We are always the ones who have to smooth over all the awkward moments in life with soul-crushing pleasantries. We are basically unpaid geishas. But when we do not fulfill this expectation (because we are introverted), people assume we must be either depressed or a cunt. Maybe I’m a cunt anyway, but it’s not because I don’t want to blink and smile at someone as they tell me they ran cross-country in middle school.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: gender, Women
“I don’t even want to know someone who isn’t barely hanging on by a thread.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Hanging On
“Social media is a great tool for all of us introverts and decent people alike as it speeds up the time between thinking someone is great and realizing they’re the worst.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Social Media, Introverts
“So if you’re an introvert like me, especially a female introvert, or a person who is expected to give away your energy to everyone else on the reg, I want to encourage you to find time to be alone. Don’t be afraid to excuse yourself. Recharge for as long as you need. Lean up against a tree and take a break from the other bears. I’ll be there too, but I promise not to bother you.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Introverts, Female Introverts, Save Your Energy, Recharge
“The saddest realization I’ve had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Aging, Getting Old, Parents
“I look at the saddest things in life and laugh at how awful they are, because they are hilarious and it’s all we can do with moments that are painful.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Pain, Sad Things, laugh, Painful, humor
“There are lots of ‘firsts’ like this in life, little flashpoints here and there when you’re unknowingly becoming a woman.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Fashpoints, Firsts, Becoming A Woman
“When you have a sick parent, you can’t help but think of the end. Like literally, the final moments of life come to mind when I begin to love someone. I think, Will this dude push my wheelchair? And even scarier, Would I be willing to push his?”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Sick Parents, Love, real love
“Isn’t it sad that when a girl says she was sexually assaulted, our first instinct is to think she’s probably lying? Statistics and facts tell us the exact opposite. We demand ‘perfect victims’ who better not have been drinking or hanging out at a party in a short skirt or revealing dress or have ever been known to enjoy sex.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Sexual Assault, Rape, Slut Shaming
“There is nothing better than being your own boss. Well, there is, actually: not having to work at all. That is way better.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Work, No Boss, 9-5 Lifestyle
“Beauty comes in many forms!”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: beauty, Many Forms
“You become a woman the first time you fart in front of a boyfriend. The first time your heart breaks. The first time you break someone else’s heart. The first time someone you love dies. The first time you lie and make yourself look bad so a friend you love can look better. And less dramatic things are meaningful too, like the first time a guy tries to put a finger in your ass. The first time you express the reality that you don’t want that finger in your ass. That you really don’t want anything in your ass at all. Or to have any creative, adventurous sex for that matter. That you just want to be fucked missionary sometimes and without any nonsense. You will remember all these moments later as the moments that made you the woman you are.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Becoming A Woman, first, Sex
“I don’t know how introverts survived without the Internet. Or with the Internet. Actually, I don’t know how we survive at all. It feels impossible.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Introverts, Internet
“I’m mad because girls as young as eight years old are being shamed about their bodies. Fifth graders go on diets and admire Instagram pics of celebs in waist trainers. Some of the people I’m closest to have struggled with eating disorders. I’m mad at an industry that suggests that painfully thin is the only acceptable way to be. Please don’t get on me for skinny shaming. If that’s how you are shaped, God bless, but we gotta mix it up, because it’s upsetting and confusing to women with other body types. When I’m onstage performing for over ten thousand people, I look out at the crowd and about half of the women in the audience have their arms folded to cover their stomachs. We’re endlessly shown that being dangerously thin is the only way to be valuable— or even acceptable.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Body Image, Negative Body Image, Women's Magazines
“He said he loved me, but every step of the way he’d hurt and sabotage me. I realized later that he put me down so much because he was probably terrified that I’d realize he was nothing and leave him. Which is exactly what I did.”
— Amy Schumer, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
Tagged: Love, Toxic, Toxic Relationships