2,218 quotes curated by Heidi Priebe:
“I don't know how to tell you that I'm glad the passion is gone. I used to think of you every waking moment and now I get so much more work done.”
Tagged:
humor
“It freaks me out when I think about how big the universe is. Just so big and growing bigger, exploding outward constantly in all directions, so no, I don't care how fast I was going, officer.”
Tagged:
humor
“We don't have to be who we were before now. I could be proud of my body. You could be a vampire or something.”
Tagged:
humor
“Consent would be a good name for a band on account of how awkward people would feel trash talking them.”
Tagged:
humor
“Being stuck in the friend zone is actually really nice. Who couldn't use more friends?”
Tagged:
humor
“I believe most people are inherently good. But overcoming our nature is what separates us from the animals.”
Tagged:
humor