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My Self-Respect Is Not The Clothes I Wear

Emerald Shaw

My Self-Respect Is Not The Clothes I Wear

I don't have to be modest to be respected.

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So we need to break through these limitations. We need to keep changing the attitude that raises our girls to be demure and our boys to be assertive, that criticizes our daughters for speaking out and our sons for shedding a tear. We need to keep changing the attitude that punishes women for their sexuality and rewards men for theirs.

We need to keep changing the attitude that permits the routine harassment of women, whether they’re walking down the street or daring to go online. We need to keep changing the attitude that teaches men to feel threatened by the presence and success of women.

We need to keep changing the attitude that congratulates men for changing a diaper, stigmatizes full-time dads, and penalizes working mothers.

— Barack Obama, Glamour Exclusive: President Barack Obama Says, "This Is What a Feminist Looks Like"

ChangefeminismSexual HarassmentstereotypesGender Norms

No matter how I present myself, I’m confident and I’m comfortable. My self-respect is doing what makes me happy. When I’m hungry, I eat, when I’m thirsty I drink, I have self-respect, I look after myself.

You can't tell me what ladylike is because we don't live in the '50s any more. I am looking for equality... I am 15 years old. You do not get to sexualize me like that, you do not get to tell me that my body is sacred, because it isn't... 

Half the population are females. We’re not sacred, we aren’t a new discovery, people know I have legs, I have knees and thighs... I do not want girls growing up in a society where they believe their body, and they, have to be a certain way because they can be however they want to be... They can be however makes them comfortable and confident...

Girls don’t do things for boys or do things to impress boys. I don’t care about boys, I care about myself... You don’t go up into someone’s personal space and look them up and down because of how short their skirts or shorts are.

— Faith Sobotker, Faith Sobotker takes bold stand against Kambrya College for ‘slut-shaming’

ModestyDress CodesSelf-RespectBodily AutonomyRape Culture

We've been taught having self respect means keeping ourselves covered, not showing too much skin, not too much cleavage... we've been told wearing booty shorts make us cheap and nasty. We've been told we have to act, dress, and do certain things in order to have self respect - but we are not the ones who set those rules. We are individuals, we have a sense of self, we have likes and dislikes but we also have the ability to have self respect for ourselves, even if we're not doing what is "proper". Break away from what you've been told. Make your own choices - and it's okay if your choice is the same as what we've been told - be comfortable with who you are... Remember that no one can tell you you're not respecting yourself just because you slept with five people last week.

— hannah-ruth-x, via Tumblr

ModestySelf-RespectSexual AutonomySlut Shaming

A few months ago I heard Kathleen Cleaver, a former Black Panther, speak at a local museum and as she spewed her feelings about ‘Formation’, calling it pornography, I recall feeling a disappointment so strong it nearly felt like grief. I felt similarly reading bell hooks’ criticisms of Beyoncé. I felt that ultimately they were expressing their disdain for me, women like me, and my/our own brand of feminism and autonomous expression. I don’t fit into any one box. Sometimes I am poised and polite. Sometimes I’m a bitch. Sometimes I am homely. Sometimes I’m scantily clad. Regardless, I am always wanting more for us. More respect, more love, more space and freedom. My attire does not negate that... 

Shame and internalized misogynoir are real. Respectability politics are real. And while I am a woman who can be agreeable to a fault, I’ve never had a talent for conforming. This is not pornography. These are self portraits.

— Emerald Shaw, via Tumblr

Sexual AutonomyBodily AutonomyMisogynoirMisogyny