All Quotes tagged Freedom(390)

The more I read, the more I was led to abhor and detest my enslavers. I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers, who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes, and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed them as being the meanest as well as the most wicked of men. As I read and contemplated the subject, behold! that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment and sting my soul to unutterable anguish. As I writhed under it, I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing. It had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. it opened my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out. in moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity. I have often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest reptile to my own. Any thing, no matter what, to get rid of thinking! It was this everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me. There was no getting rid of it. It was pressed upon me by every object within sight or hearing, animate or inanimate. The silver trump of freedom had roused my soul to eternal wakefulness. Freedom now appeared, to disappear no more forever. It was heard in every sound and seen in every thing. It was ever present to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition. I saw nothing without seeing it, I heard nothing without hearing it, and felt nothing without feeling it. It looked from every star, it smiled in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.

Your Honor,

It is over now. This has never been a case of trying to get free. I didn’t ever want freedom. Frankly, I wanted death for myself. This was a case to tell the world that I did what I did, but not for reasons of hate. I hated no one. I knew I was sick or evil or both. Now I believe I was sick. The doctors have told me about my sickness, and now I have some peace.

I know how much harm I have caused. I tried to do the best I could after the arrest to make amends, but no matter what I did I could not undo the terrible harm I have caused. My attempt to help identify the remains was the best I could do, and that was hardly anything. I feel so bad for what I did to those poor families, and I understand their rightful hate. I now know I will be in prison for the rest of my life. I know that I will have to turn to God to help me get through each day. I should have stayed with God. I tried and failed and created a holocaust. Thank God there will be no more harm that I can do. I believe that only the Lord Jesus Christ can save me from my sins.

I have instructed Mr. Boyle to end this matter. I do not want to contest the civil cases. I have told Mr. Boyle to try and finalize them if he can. If there is ever money I want it to go to the families. I have talked to Mr. Boyle about other things that might help ease my conscience in some way of coming up with ideas on how to make some amends to these families, and I will work with him on that. I want to return to Ohio and quickly end that matter so that I can put all of this behind me and then come right back here to do my sentence.

I decided to go through this trial for a number of reasons. One of the reasons was to let the world know these were not hate crimes. I wanted the world and Milwaukee, which I deeply hurt, to know the truth of what I did. I didn’t want unanswered questions. All the questions have now been answered. I wanted to find out just what it was that caused me to be so bad and evil. But most of all, Mr. Boyle and I decided that maybe there was a way for us to tell the world that if there are people out there with these disorders, maybe they can get help before they end up being hurt or hurting someone. I think the trial did that.

The judge in my earlier case tried to help me, and I refused his help, and he got hurt by what I did. I hurt those policemen in the Konerak matter, and I shall ever regret causing them to lose their jobs, and I only hope and pray they can get their jobs back because I know they did their best, and I just plain fooled them. For that I am sorry. I know I hurt my probation officer, who was really trying to help me. I am so sorry for that and sorry for everyone else I have hurt. I have hurt my mother, and father, and stepmother. I love them all so very much. I hope that they will find the same peace I am looking for.

Mr. Boyle’s associates, Wendy and Ellen, have been wonderful to me, helping me through this worst of all times. I want to publicly thank Mr. Boyle. He didn’t need to take this case. But when I asked him to help me find the answers and help others if I could, he stayed with me and went overboard in trying to help me. Mr. Boyle and I agreed that it was never a matter of trying to get off. It was only a matter of which place I would be housed the rest of my life, not for comfort, but for trying to study me in hopes of helping me and learning to help others who might have problems. I know I will be in prison. I pledge to talk to doctors who might be able to find the answers.

In closing, I just want to say that I hope God has forgiven me. I think He has. I know society will never be able to forgive me. I know the families of the victims will never be able to forgive me for what I have done. But if there is a God in heaven, I promise I will pray each day to ask them for forgiveness when the hurt goes away, if ever. I have seen their tears, and if I could give up my life right now to bring back their loved ones, I would do it. I am so very sorry.

Your honor, I know you are about to sentence me. I ask for no consideration. I want you to know that I have been treated perfectly by the deputies who work for the jail. The deputies have treated me professionally and I want everyone to know that. They have not given me special treatment.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: “Christ Jesus came into this world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King Eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever.” -1 Timothy 1:15-17

I know my time in prison will be terrible, but I deserve whatever I get because of what I have done. Thank you your honor, and I am prepared for your sentence, which I know will be the maximum. I ask for no consideration.