“It was a Catholic school, and on Wednesdays, they had Mass. So picture, you’re a new student at a new school, you don’t know anybody, and the first thing you’re doing, is you’re going to church. So, I walk in and the priest starts the service. He goes, 'In the name of the Father, and the Son…' And the kid in the row in front of me goes, 'Fuck your cunt.' [audience laughs] And I’m like, 'Oh. Uh-uh.' Nobody did anything. No one batted an eye. He goes, 'Holy Spirit.' -Starts reading from the Bible.—[audience laughs]—This kid goes, 'Lick my balls!—[audience laughs] Fuck you!' I am laughing so goddamn hard. But I know I’m not supposed to laugh. It sounds like I’m having a stroke. I’m ten. I’m like… [mumbling] I have tears running down my face. And finally I am able to get out, 'How come nobody else… [audience laughs] is laughing?' [audience laughs] And the kid next to me goes, 'He’s got Tourette’s. It gets old.' [audience laughs]”
— Tom Segura, TOM SEGURA: DISGRACEFUL (2018)- Full transcript
Tagged: mass, Catholicism, Tourette's, Bible
Appears In: Quotes To Make You Smile
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