Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history.
Here’s the text-message conversation:
Me: Hey . . . should we break up?
Canadian: Ya probably.
Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night?
Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky.
Canadian: I know! Crazy!
Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess.
Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets.
Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky.