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I am shocked and chagrined, mortified and stupefied. This trial is outrageous! It is a waste of the taxpayers' time and money. It is a travesty of justice that these four people have been incarcerated while the real perpetrator is walking around laughing—lying and laughing, laughing and lying. You know what these four people were? They were innocent bystanders. Now, you just think about that term. Innocent. Bystanders. Because that's exactly what they were. We know they were bystanders, nobody's disputing that. So how can a bystander be guilty? No such thing. Have you ever heard of a guilty bystander? No, because you cannot be a bystander and be guilty. Bystanders are by definition, innocent. That is the nature of bystanding. But no, they want to change nature here. They want to create a whole new animal—the guilty bystander. Don't you let them do it. Only you can stop them.

— Jackie Chiles (Phil Morris), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Finale (Part 2)

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Jackie Chiles makes his opening remarks in defense of his four clients.

Defense AttorneysBystandersinnocent
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Seinfeld, Season 9: The Finale (Part 2)

Screenplay by Larry David

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