“Dread was always with her, an alarm system in her head, 
alert to her next disaster.
Despite being resigned to a life of misfortune, 
she became resourceful.
She grudgingly noticed that things always worked out, 
even when she claimed defeat.
An inconvenient truth, yet it was right there, in her face,
betraying her self-punishments and assumptions.
She kept overcoming things, dammit, aggravating herself.
She still felt so much joy, despite her efforts to be miserable.
Her life was full of miracles and spectacles that she was afraid
to rely on so she didn’t know how to enjoy, how to be thankful,
without guilt.
She didn’t want to win and she didn’t want to lose.
Ambiguity intrigued her and she found passion in the gaps
between hope and despair.”

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