1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. TV Quotes
    3.  › 
  3. Frasier

Frasier Quotes

“I've been down this road so many times I call it 'The Roz Expressway.'”
— Roz Doyle, Frasier, Season 5: Desperately Seeking Closure
Tagged: down this road, expressway, many times
“Martin: Oh, Sherry took her sister to that store across the street to buy some 'foundation garments.'

Frasier: I think they call them 'bras' now.

Martin: Not these, you don't. You could cross the River Kwai on one of those babies.”
— Martin Crane, Frasier, Season 5: The Kid
Tagged: foundation garments, Bras, Huge, Hyperbole examples, River Kwai
“Roz: Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life.

Frasier: Well, in that case you should outlive Styrofoam!”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 4: Daphne Hates Sherry
Tagged: Hugging, healthy, physical contact, Life, Sassy, styrofoam
“Not one more deceitful word... your tongue could open a wine bottle!”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 4: Roz's Turn
Tagged: Deceitful, Word, Metaphor Examples, tongue, wine bottle
“Sherry: Oh, I love making people laugh. To me, humor is like medicine!

Niles: I guess we're in the placebo group.”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 4: Dad Loves Sherry, the Boys Just Whine
Tagged: Simile Examples, laugh, humor, placebo group, Sassy
“ I've always liked the notion of meeting the great figures of history. But then I think: what if it's like high school and all the really cool dead people don't want to hang out with me? Mozart'll tell me he's busy but then later I'll see him out with Shakespeare and Lincoln!”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 4: Death and the Dog
Tagged: great figures, History, high school, ditched, Mozart, Busy, shakespeare, lincoln
“Frasier: Well, do you want me to answer as a friend, or a therapist?

Roz: As a friend.

Frasier: See a therapist.”
— Dr. Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 3: Frasier Loves Roz
Tagged: Friend, Therapist, Answers, Advice
“Niles: You don't realize how desperate I am. Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.

Frasier: Oh, Niles.

Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not gettin' any.”
— Dr. Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 3: Look Before You Leap
Tagged: Desperate, separation, paying, Woman, touch me, manicurists, pedicurists, well-groomed
“I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry: if I'm late, he can just talk amongst himself.”
— Dr. Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 3: The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl
Tagged: session, multiple personality, talk amongst yourself, late
“Daphne: It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.

Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!”
— Dr. Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 3: Sleeping with the Enemy
Tagged: Sex, used, get what you want
“Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!”
— Dr. Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 3: She's the Boss
Tagged: Sleep, upset, dog, Quiet, outfit, megaphone
“Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words 'I love you?'

Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.”
— Daphne Moon, Frasier, Season 2: Breaking the Ice
Tagged: Pretend, I Love You, Women, Centuries, no pleasure
“ It's been the same since you were kids. If one of you has something, the other one always has to have it, too. I had to buy two Balinese lutes, two découpage kits, two pairs of lederhosen. When you finally moved out of the house, that was one embarrassing garage sale.”
— Martin Crane, Frasier, Season 2: The Club
Tagged: kids, Balinese lutes, two of everything, découpage kits, lederhosen, moved out, embarrassing, garage sale
“Sam: She's a terrific person. She's smart, she's funny, she's horny. I mean, she's just the kinda chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.

Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 2: The Show Where Sam Shows Up
Tagged: terrific, Smart, Funny, Horny, Pedestal, elevate, demean
“Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman.

Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae; she'd snap like a twig.”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 2: Daphne's Room
Tagged: kiss, Mad, Fighting, Woman, snap like a twig, Simile Examples
“Niles, will you please stop giggling? It's very distracting.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 2: You Scratch My Book...
Tagged: giggling, distracting, Rude, Laughing
“If you ask me, it's divorced people you want to watch out for. If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper, whereas your divorce will buy any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.”
— Roz Doyle, Frasier, Season 2: Roz in the Doghouse
Tagged: divorced, watch out, Marriage, Careful, shopper, Divorce
“There's nothing wrong with Maris that wouldn't be cured by a little sun, some exercise and a personality.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 2: Burying a Grudge
Tagged: nothing wrong, cured, Sun, Exercise, Personality, Diss
“You're not a child any more. Now come with me: I'm taking you to the bathroom!”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 2: Seat of Power
Tagged: Child, contradictory, bathroom, leading
“It is possible to move a relationship along too fast, and ultimately marry too hastily. You could find, a few years down the line, that the person isn't really right for you, and then what happens if you meet the right person?”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 2: Adventures in Paradise
Tagged: Relationship, Fast, Marriage, Right Person
“Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets?

Frasier: At the moment, I'm not sure there's intelligent life in this kitchen.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 2: The Candidate
Tagged: Certainty, Vast, Universe, intelligent life, planets, Sassy, kitchen
“What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 1: Author, Author
Tagged: Good, opening sentence, Personification Examples, Reader, Self-awareness, Discovery
“My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting 'Heathcliff!' across the moors!”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 1: A Midwinter Night's Dream
Tagged: recipe for disaster, Vulnerable, Unstable, Gothic Mansion, moors, heathcliff
“I really must go. I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 1: Oops
Tagged: Host, Seminar, Multiple Personality Disorder, Forever, name tags
“The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!”
— Roz Doyle, Frasier, Season 1: Oops
Tagged: Gossip, unclear, Concept
“Frasier: I just don't think it's very smart to make rude gestures at other drivers.

Martin: He cut you off!

Frasier: That doesn't matter. You do not antagonize a man whose bumper sticker says: 'If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!'”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 1: Dinner at Eight
Tagged: Smart, Rude, drivers, antagonize, bumper sticker, Death
“Frasier: Oh my God! This is unbelievable! A man has quit his job because of a rumor that you spread! 

Roz: Me? The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!”
— Roz Doyle, Frasier, Season 1: Oops
Tagged: Gossip
“You see, I was clinging to a life that wasn't working, and I knew I had to do something, anything.”
— Frasier Crane, Frasier, Season 1: The Good Son
Tagged: Clinging, Life, Working, anything
“Frasier: The other day I was asked out by this twenty-two year old girl that I met in a mall. 

Niles: That is alarming. 

Frasier: Well, I turned her down. 

Niles: No, no, you were in a mall. Did anyone see you?”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 1: Fortysomething
Tagged: Rich People Hate Malls, Insults To Mall Culture, Malls of America
“I really must run. I'm due at my sexual addiction group, and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.”
— Niles Crane, Frasier, Season 1: And the Whimper is...
Tagged: Sex Addiction, Excuses To Leave
loading next page...