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Ash vs Evil Dead Quotes

“Ruby: Look, we're going to find Baal. You're going to harness the power of that Book against him, and none of this is going to be in vain.

Pablo: And you promise me that we're all going to live happily ever after?

Ruby: Even if this goes perfectly, there's a good chance you'll die.

Pablo: Wow. Ruby, I know you're new to this whole mortal thing, where people don't live forever, the idea of dying really sucks.

Ruby: Well, I was just trying to be honest. But all right, you go on thinking all the sweet things you're going to do, if you survive or not, I'll find a way out of here.”
— Ruby Knowby, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Ashy Slashy
Tagged: Happily Ever After, realist, Pessimistic, Death, Mortality, dangerous, Honesty
“Kelly: You okay?

Pablo: No, I'm not. I got a really bad feeling about this.

Kelly: Really, because I haven't had a good feeling since we met Ash, and his stupid book.

Pablo: Exactly. The Book of the Dead never let's anybody off easy. It's like Ash said, everyone around him gets... dead. And now I am the book, and I may never be okay with myself if something bad...”
— Pablo Simon Bolivar, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Ashy Slashy
Tagged: book, Paranormal, Supernatural, dead, Book of the Dead, Bad Omen
“Well, Cheryl, it's been fun catching up. Sorry I got to kill you. Again.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Trapped Inside
Tagged: Family, sister, Kill, Murder, Death, Snarky, Sassy, Supernatural
“ I'm gonna be like a ninja losing his virginity, quick and discreet.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: The Morgue
Tagged: joke, Cheeky, Raunchy, Vulgar, Virginity, Ninja, Discreet, Quick, One-Liner
“Oh, you need my help? Ok, first of all, screw you and your ugly ass kids.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Home
Tagged: swearing, Insult, Rude, Sassy, Snarky, Screw You, help, ugly
“Ash: Okay, look, there is no way in hell they're gonna stay here, 'cause they're gonna get possessed, then they're gonna be on the night train to Kill-adelphia.

Kelly: With stops in Choke-lahoma City, and Die-ami.

Ash: Nice.

Kelly: I thought you'd like that.”
— Kelly Maxwell, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Bound in the Flesh
Tagged: Puns, City Puns, Violence, Possession, Kill, Die, choke, joke, Cheeky
“Ash's Hand: Maybe I grew another hand, or maybe the hand grew another me. What's the difference, Amanda? What's important is I can give you everything you want, and I want you. Is that so bad? I mean come on, a minute ago, you wanted me, too.

Amanda: Yeah, that's before I found out you were just some creepy tumor that grew out the stump of a possessed hand!

Ash's Hand: Name calling is not nice.”
— Amanda Fisher, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Ashes to Ashes
Tagged: Fantasy, Tumor, hand, Weird, Want, Lust, creepy, Possessed, Insult
“Demon: Your truce is over, Ashy Slashy!

Ash: What'd you call me?

Demon: Ashy Slashy, hatchet and saw, takes your head and skins you raw! Ashy Slashy, heaven or hell, cuts out your tongue so you can't yell...”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Home
Tagged: demon, Fantasy, Supernatural, Nickname, Rhyme, Hell, Violence
“Ladies, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not drunk enough to know if this is good weird or bad weird, but I'll get there though!”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 2: Home
Tagged: Drunk, Weird, awkward, tension, Cheeky, Irreverent
“Don't you get it? Everybody dies here. It's just a rule. Death, taxes, more death, and I don't pay taxes. So all I know is death.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Ashes to Ashes
Tagged: Death, Taxes, grim, Pessimistic, realist, rule, Cheeky
“Militia: I'm gonna get you pregnant later.

Kelly: Won't your sister be jealous of us?”
— Kelly Maxwell, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Fire in the Hole
Tagged: Insult, Incest, pregnant, Sex, flirty, Jealousy, Cheeky, joke, Rude
“Life is hard and dangerous, and sometimes you just gotta chop off somebody's head to survive.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Fire in the Hole
Tagged: Life, Murder, Violence, Sassy, Cheeky, Survival, dangerous, joke
“Ash: Eli! You can speak?!

Eli: In here I can. It's your trip, Jefe.

Ash: Nice, you know I've always wanted to talk to you. Uh, just don't mention the stuff I do in the trailer when we're there alone.

Eli: Never.

Ash: All right then.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Brujo
Tagged: trip, Drugs, Speaking, awkward, Cheeky, joke, Secrets, innuendo
“Pablo: Kelly, you need to be careful of revenge. My uncle, he always said, 'Pablito, beware anger, fear revenge." If once you start down that path, forever, it will dominate your destiny. Consume you, it will.'

Kelly: Did you just Yoda quote me?”
— Pablo Simon Bolivar, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: The Killer of Killers
Tagged: yoda, Star Wars, Pop Culture, joke, Snarky, Sassy, revenge is not an option, Anger, Careful, cautious, Destiny
“Pablo: Um, but reading from the book is what caused all this trouble to begin with, so...

Ash: Yeah, that's true, but reading from it again can't make things any worse. It's kinda like spilling paint on a painting. It's okay 'cause there's already paint on it.

Pablo: That is incorrect.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Books from Beyond
Tagged: Incorrect, ignorant, Stupid, book, Reading, trouble, paint, Painting, Cheeky
“Brujo: Come, I'll look inside of you.

Ash: Good, check the old prostate while you're in there?”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Brujo
Tagged: joke, Prostate, Inside, Intimate, awkward, Cheeky
“Ash: Lionel, you find a wimpy demon yet?

Lionel: Uh, nothing that says wimpy specifically, but I have found a-a minor demon named Eligos. Possesses knowledge of hidden things, a-a demon of the mindscape.

Ash: Well, perfect. Sounds like a total nerd.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Books from Beyond
Tagged: Demons, Knowledge, Mindscape, nerd, Sassy, bully, Wimpy
“I've learned you can always make things more painful.”
— Ruby Knowby, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Books from Beyond
Tagged: hurt, Painful, Self-Destruct, Learning, wise
“Kelly: You know they were Jewish, right?

Ash: I-I did not. Wish you could have said somethin' before I made those dumb crosses, but, okay.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Bait
Tagged: Jewish, Religion, funeral, Christianity, Judaism, cross, Graves, Cheeky
“Ash: Well, now that you're back, what's your big plan?

Suzy: Well, just try to get everything back to normal.

Ash: Normal? Ha. What's normal?

Suzy: Family, work.

Ash: Work? Work, where?

Suzy: Oh, I'm an English teacher.

Ash: What grade?

Suzy: Tenth.

Ash: What's your favorite book?

Suzy: 'The Old Man and the Sea.'

Ash: Oh, so you like fishing.

Mr. Maxwell: I like fishing!

Ash: This ain't about you, dad!”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Bait
Tagged: Old Man And The Sea, Literature, book, Teacher, School, Work, Family, Fishing, Cheeky, joke
“Suzy: Evil will walk the Earth!

Ash: Yeah, well, your cooking was shit.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Bait
Tagged: Evil, Earth, Insult, Rude, Cheeky, Cooking
“Ash: It's good to be back.

Pablo: How does it feel?

Ash: Groovy.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: El Jefe
Tagged: Groovy, back, humor, Lingo, slang
“Ash: Pablo, focus up! Just stay behind me. Let the boomstick do the talkin'. Things get hairy, use your bottle.

Pablo Bolivar: Um, I don't think it's a very good weapon, Jefe. You had to stab Roper like 50 times.

Ash: Hey, I was sharpening it for you.”
— Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: Bait
Tagged: weapon, bottle, Violence, Sharp, Protection, Snarky, Cheeky
“Ruby: Are you all right?

Amanda: Yeah, I um, I just... just thought I saw something, but I can't really, um, trust my eyes these days.

Ruby: There's nothin' wrong with your eyes. Sometimes what you think you saw, it's exactly what you saw.”
— Ruby Knowby, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: El Jefe
Tagged: crazy, Deep, thoughtful, Fantasy, Trust
“Kelly: Touch me again, and you're gonna need another wooden hand.

Ash: Okay, wait. Another wooden hand in place of my real hand, or another wooden hand in place of my wooden hand?

Kelly: Your real hand!”
— Kelly Maxwell, Ash vs Evil Dead, Season 1: El Jefe
Tagged: Threat, Warning, Harassment, Sexual Harassment, joke, hand
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