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ALF Quotes

“ALF: Why don't you ring up Ann-Margret and get her over here?

Aaron King: Sure... I'll just head on over to Graceland and pick up my Rolodex.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 3: Suspicious Minds
Tagged: Ann-Margret, Rolodex, Graceland
“Willie Tanner: You've convinced me ALF, that we're living two doors down the street from Elvis Presley and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly.

ALF: That'll be the day!”
— Willie Tanner, ALF, Season 3: Suspicious Minds
Tagged: Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, janis joplin
“Aaron King: Can I pet you?

ALF: Only above the waist.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 3: Suspicious Minds
Tagged: petting, Sexual Harassment
“Either he's Elvis, or Priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 3: Suspicious Minds
Tagged: Elvis Presley, priscilla presley, yard sale
“Why are you so intent on moving out of a house that you like, in order for you to continue to do a job you don't like?”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 2: Movin' Out
Tagged: Bad decisions, House, Job
“Kate Tanner: [after ALF claims that according to a magazine article, he is a thrill-seeker] This from the same person who watched the movie Aliens from under the couch?

ALF: Hey, I thought I owed one of those guys money.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 2: Night Train
Tagged: thrill-seeker, Mob
“Let's go to dinner. Don't worry—tab's on me. Though I'm not paying for Brian's invisible friend.”
— Uncle Albert, ALF, Season 2: We're So Sorry, Uncle Albert
Tagged: Dinner, pick up the tab
“There are many things in this universe you're not meant to understand. Now, that doesn't mean they're not real. I'm real, and whether other people believe you or not, you know I'm real.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 2: Take a Look at Me Now
Tagged: amusing, real, Unreal
“Willie: What are you playing?

ALF: [at a video game] Space Invaders.

Willie: What do they do? Live in your garage, eat all your food, dig up your back yard?

ALF: You're in a mood...

Willie: Yes, I am! Because I found my good hoe, in THIS condition!

[holds up a pole with a bit of mangled scrap iron on one end]

ALF: Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was plowing up your yard and I hit a water main... Don't worry, it wasn't yours.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 1: Border Song
Tagged: Video Games, space invaders
“Aren't you guys happy? You are here on Gilligan’s island?”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 2: Somewhere Over the Rerun
Tagged: Gilligan's Island
“[ALF is discovered under Willie and Kate's bed]
Kate: ALF, what are you doing down there?

ALF: Trying to keep warm! The garage is FREEZING! I've been down here the last couple of nights!

Willie: [uneasy] Were you here, Sunday night?

ALF: [winks] Don't worry, I was sound asleep. Didn't hear a THING.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 1: Mother and Child Reunion
Tagged: Hiding, didn't hear a thing
“ALF: Um, excuse me, sir. Can I have a word with you?

Andrew Seminick, Burglar: Who said that?

ALF: I did. Could you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.

Andrew Seminick, Burglar: [Looks at ALF with a flashlight] Heh heh. Must be one of them talking dolls.

ALF: Oh yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?

Andrew Seminick, Burglar: HUH? AAAUGH! [jumps out the bedroom window, scared]”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 1: Strangers in the Night
Tagged: Burglar, Intimidation
“Where do you keep your casserole dishes? The cat wont fit in the toaster.”
— ALF (voice), ALF, Season 1: On the Road Again
Tagged: cat hate
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