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Tallahassee Quotes

Total quotes: 22
“Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go.

Columbus: And they’re so fat.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: slovenly, fat, Redundant
“Tallahassee: I’m not great at farewells, so, uh, that’ll do, pig.

Columbus: That’s the worst goodbye I’ve ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: goodbye, Pig, Plagiarism
“[Searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Twinkie, Spongy, yellow, Delicious, Bastards
“[Upon finding a Hummer filled with rifles] Thank God for rednecks.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Rednecks
“Columbus: Take away a man’s son, you’ve truly given him nothing left to lose.

Tallahassee: I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Loss of a Child, Titanic
“Here’s the deal: I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m sensing you’re a bit of a bitch.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Bitch, difficult
“Columbus: [in voiceover] You see, he was in the ass-kicking business and...

Tallahassee: [Tallahassee, in flashback, rounds corner holding two chainsaws and wearing a welding mask, flips mask up] ...business is good.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Ass-Kicking, Business
“Hey, a little help with movin’ the couch. We’re makin’ a fort.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: couch, Fort
“Time to nut up or shut up.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: nut up, shut up
“You’ve got a pretty mouth. [hits a zombie with a banjo]”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Deliverance, Pretty Mouth
“Tallahassee: Are you fucking with me?

Columbus: Uh, no. You should actually limber up as well. Especially if we’re going down that hill. It is very important.

Tallahassee: I don’t believe in it. You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: gazelle, Lion, limber
“There’s a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies—the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, life’s little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Twinkies, Expiration Date, Universe
“Have you ever read that book ‘She’s Just Not That Into You’?”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Books, Reading, she's just not that into you
“Where are the fucking Twinkies?”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Twinkies, Fucking, Exasperation
“Come on! Anybody hungry? Tallahassee’s nice this time of year.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Hungry, tallahassee
“Columbus: [Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume; Tallahassee turns around and glares at Columbus] Okay. Let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential.

Tallahassee: It’s okay...but FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.

Columbus: I’m sure.

Tallahassee: You get, uh...[cocks his head]…45% power.

Columbus: Thank you.

Tallahassee: [Tallahassee punches Columbus in the arm, and Columbus knocks over a lamp] There you go.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: human, Potential, ass
“Tallahassee: [discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where’s the fucking Twinkies?

Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.

Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency.

Columbus: [eats a Sno-Ball] Fresh.

Tallahassee: Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain’t over yet.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Fucking, Sno-Balls, Twinkies
“Wichita: [playing Monopoly] Ooh! Free parking...

Little Rock: Yeah.

Wichita: —which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland.

Columbus: You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No—no Facebook status updates. You know, Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday. Who cares?

Tallahassee: The best thing is no more flushing. Epic.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Monopoly, Facebook, epic, flush
“Bill Murray: [dying] Is that how you say hello where you come from?

Columbus: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can’t believe I shot Bill Murray.

Tallahassee: Mr. Murray?

Bill Murray: I’m just Bill, I think, now.

Tallahassee: Bill?

Bill Murray: Yeah?

Tallahassee: [pokes at Bill’s wound] I don’t think we’re gonna be able to stitch this.

Bill Murray: Ah. That’s still tender.

Tallahassee: You think you might pull through?

Bill Murray: No.

Columbus: If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.

Bill Murray: It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.

Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?

Bill Murray: Garfield, maybe.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Bill Murray, Murder, Gallows Humor, Regrets, Garfield Movie
“Tallahassee: [referring to Wichita and Little Rock, who previously hijacked them] They’re in the back, aren’t they?

Little Rock: [pops up holding shotgun] Just me.

Columbus: I’m really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger...

Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old?

Columbus: Well, girls mature faster than boys. She’s way ahead of where I was at that age.

Little Rock: Twelve’s the new twenty. Gun please.

Tallahassee: Like you would ever use that thing. [Little Rock shoots in the air] Don’t kill me with my own gun.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Girls, boys, Guns, Puberty
“Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you’re a zombie? [Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club]

Bill Murray: [cries in pain] Ow, I’m on fire! Ouch!

Tallahassee: You’re not a zombie, you’re talking and...you’re okay?

Bill Murray: The hell I am.

Wichita: I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was...it was ‘you’ you.

Tallahassee: Are you...? What’s with the get-up?

Bill Murray: Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don’t mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: zombies, Pain, zombie makeup
“Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. I don’t mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I’m such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I’ve seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that’s not your middle name. I’ve been watching you since I was like...since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they’re connected.”
— Tallahassee, Zombieland
Tagged: Goddamn, Bill Murray, Fucking, masturbate
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