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Neil Patrick Harris Quotes

Total quotes: 58
“OK, here's my thing —if gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works: they start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like...now everyone gets manicures.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Single Stamina
Tagged: Gay Marriage, Manicures
“You see, a scheme is like a fire. Everything must be in order for it to work. You need matches, torches, an angry mob that won’t listen to reason, and the right sort of kindling. Orphans, for instance, tied to the wooden stake.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Simile Examples, Scheme, matches, Fire, torches, angry mob
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Zip, Zip, Zip
Tagged: Wait, Sex, month, young, illegal
“There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Return of the Shirt
Tagged: Reasons, Date, Girl, already dated, Breast Implants
“That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: The Yips
Tagged: Night, born, Phoenix, Simile Examples, strode, World, Armani, Awesome
“The stove is a bit like a servant. You have to whack it sometimes to get it to work.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: stove, Servant, whack, Work, Metaphor Examples
“Poor little orphan. Haven’t you learned anything this year? Week? Season?”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: poor, little, Orphan, Learning, week, Season
“Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a member of the drama club.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Girls, School, Leg, walked by, lone wolf, mysterious stranger
“For the first time in my life I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl, no matter how many boobs she has. I wanna be with Quinn.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 7: Trilogy Time
Tagged: boobs, Random, Desire
“Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait... True story.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: The Three Days Rule
Tagged: jesus, Three Days Rule
“There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it's not cheating if she’s from a different area code.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: No Tomorrow
Tagged: Cheating, Cheaters
“This school has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: School, spirit energy, Unity, Joy, Metaphor Examples, birthday party
“Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Children, Apologize, noises, cry, inside voices
“Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There is no one hotter than God.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Ted Mosby
Tagged: architects, Hot, Hot Guys, God
“Lily: I don't think your sword will fit.

Barney: I get that a lot.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Columns
Tagged: sword, Penis Size, fit
“Parts of the plan were unplanned. That’s the plan. I mean, you don’t want to overplan a plan.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Unplanned, plan, overplan
“If you want a mule to move, you can reward it with a carrot or you can hit it with a stick.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Metaphor Examples, Mule, Move, carrot, Stick
“Happy birthday, Cobie Smulders! You're the coolest, hottest, awesomest girl I've ever had the pleasure to know/kiss/marry/divorce/love.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: how i met your mother, birthday, cast members, celebs
“42nd B'day ideas: for everyone to stop using the word 'like' incessantly in conversation. It's, like, a constant and it's, like, egregious.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: birthday, gifts, Communication
“Happy 13th, everyone! What a lovely Friday. Oh look, a cute little black kitten just walked right in front of me. Hmm. What could that mean?”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: friday the 13th, black cat, Luck, Bad Luck
“Hey David Burtka - Will you be my Valentine? Ok, I realize you're already my husband, but a 'yes' would sure make my day/night/life.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: valentine's day, Marriage, husband
“Rosamund Pike was spectacular in Gone Girl. Glorious, absolutely remarkable. Oscar worthy, for certain. My boner concurrs.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: gone girl, Sex, oscars
“Just finished filming my last scene for American Horror Story. I need to take a shower. Wash off all this horror.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: american horror story, shower, Horror
“Only one more shopping day until my birthday. I think FedEx delivers on Sundays now. I love presents. No pressure. Just sayin'.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: birthday, Shopping, presents
“Would I have wished that Barney and Robin would've stayed together? Sure, but most divorcees wish it had worked out.””
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: Divorce, how i met your mother, Marriage
“So pluck up your courage and take that risk! Add another story to the book of your life. Even if it doesn’t go the way you planned or wanted, you’ll still learn from it. ”
— Neil Patrick Harris, Neil Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiography
Tagged: Adventure, Courage, risks
“ Dr. Seuss makes me feel like I’m Lin-Manuel Miranda when I’m reading to my children.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, Neil Patrick Harris reveals the books that have inspired him
Tagged: Books, Reading Recommendations
“It's pouring rain here in NYC. Normally when things are wet I'm far more excited.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: Sex, wet, NYC
“Met Dr. Phil. He called me out on some stuff. Made me cry. I'm a better person now. No he didn't. No I'm not.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: celebs, therapy, Tears
“Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! Hope your night is filled with celebration and drinks - a tequilabration, as it were. ¡Salud!”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: cinco de mayo, holiday, Drinking
“On my way to the fancy Met Ball with the ever handsome David Burtka. Looking forward to a very James Bond evening.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: fancy, dressed up, Couples
“So first I saw the dress as white and gold, and only that. Now, it's absolutely blue and black. How?!? Does this make me bi-dress-ual?”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: dress, Memes, Colors
“Early holiday shoppers: May I suggest my autobiography? It's entertaining, educational, and easy to wrap!”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: gifts, Holidays, Books, autobiography
“Today is the 10 Year Anniversary of the release of HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE! So a big...um...wait, what was I talking about..?”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: pot, harold and kumar, high, Drugs
“I'm so proud of Hugh Jackman for hosting this year's Tony Awards and for calling me an hour ago to say, 'Suck it!'”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: celebs, tony awards, Hosting
“Taylor Swift looks super hot. I'd try to steal her hair moves for Hedwig On Broadway, but I fear I'd lose my wig.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: celebs, broadway, Dancing
“What's Chester got up his sleeve in tonight's American Horror Story? My guess is it's not good. And I should know, I filmed it.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: american horror story, Television, Acting
“And why hasn't my butler told me to go to sleep yet? Or made me some tea? Or given me sage advice? Or reloaded my weapons?”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: butler, Funny, rich
“My 2016 New Years Resolutions: meditation, flexibility, handstands, and a crazy cool acting gig or three. Not necessarily in that order.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: New Years, Resolutions, Goals
“For my birthday, I only want one thing for the world: lots of presents for me. And good ones. Well thought out gifts. So… tick tock.”
— Neil Patrick Harris, via twitter.com
Tagged: birthday, presents, Funny
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