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Michael Quotes

Total quotes: 23
“Tahani: I knew tonight was going to be perfect, but now it's going to be even perfect-er. Obviously, it's impossible for something to be more perfect than perfect.

Michael: Well, it isn't, actually. Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That's how you got Beyoncé.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 1: Jason Mendoza
Tagged: Beyonce, Pop Culture, Perfection, Universe, joke
“Michael: So, Chidi, just wanted to double check. How do ethical philosophers feel about murder?

Chidi: It's frowned upon.

Michael: Okay. What if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That's okay, right?”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Derek
Tagged: Murder, Crime, Philosophy, Ethics, Irreverent
“Campus. Brings me back to so many memories I would have made. ”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: T.V Quotes, The Office Quotes
“He's like Snoop Dog and all of Seth Rogen's performances in all of his movies rolled into one big joint.”
— Michael, Modern Love, Season 2: Strangers on a
Tagged: Simile Examples, Snoop Dog, Seth Rogen
“Boo-Boo, you need to ask yourself, in this moment, are you letting yourself be led by fear or by love?”
— Michael, tick, tick… BOOM!
Tagged: Love, Fear, moment
“We can do this, but we must remain emotionless. I'm talking 'Kristen Stewart on a red carpet' level of emotionless here, all right?”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 1: Mindy St. Claire
Tagged: Red Carpet, Emotionless
“Oh, there is nothing quite as good as feeling sorry for yourself, is there?”
— Michael, The Boys in the Band
Tagged: Sorry, Pity, Feeling
“I don't need the woods, I have a nice wood desk. And I don't need fresh air, I have the freshest air around, A.C. ”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: T.V Quotes, The Office Quotes, Funny Quotes
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: The Office, The Office Quotes
“He's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going to twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break his joints and reattach them.”
— Michael, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Season 4: The Good Samaritan
Tagged: Threats, Violence
“Can I just say that of all the idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: The Office Quotes, Office Quotes
“You know, I had a friend that said whenever she was doing something bad, she'd hear this this little voice in her head, distant little voice, saying, 'Oh, come on now. You know this is wrong.' And then when she started doing good things, that voice went away. It was a relief.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Somewhere Else
Tagged: Voices In Your Head, do the right thing
“As long as I'm with you guys, I'm always in the fake Good Place.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Rhonda, Diana, Jake, and Trent
Tagged: Good Place, Heaven
“Man, repressing your feelings is great.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Existential Crisis
Tagged: The Good Place, LOL, TV, humor, Repressing Your Feelings
“I have egg in my croc.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes, T.V
“Dwight you ignorant slut.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes, The Office Quotes
“The worst thing about prison were the Dementors.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: The Office Quotes, Office Quotes
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: The Office Quotes, Office Quotes
“Pam would you please tell Darryl this is not a women's suit.”
— Michael, The Office
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes
“Michael: Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline?

Eleanor: And socks? Ew, who would do that?

Michael: People who go to the Bad Place, Eleanor, that's the point. And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes and socks on commercial airlines.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 1: Most Improved Player
Tagged: Hell, murderers, Arsonists, Criminals, joke, Judgment, Judgment Day
“Chidi: I just want to have a little chat about your progress. In the last homework assignment, I asked you to examine the ethics of 'Les Misérables,' in which a man steals a loaf of bread to feed his starving family. Would you please read your first paragraph here?

Michael: 'Everyone in this story sucks and belongs in the Bad Place. The thief is bad. The officer chasing him is bad. All the whiny prostitutes are bad. Plus, they're all French, so they're going to the Bad Place automatically.'

Chidi: Do you see how you're already off topic?

Michael: Chidi, I've been around a long time like, all of it. But I know for a fact that if you steal a loaf of bread, it's a negative 17 points, 20 if it's a baguette because that makes you more French.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: The Trolley Problem
Tagged: Les Misérables, Pop Culture, french, Philosophy, The Bad Place, Hell, Theft, Class, School
“Michael: So to prepare to meet all of you, I studied the human concept of friends. I even watched all ten seasons of the show 'Friends'. Boy, those friends really were friends, weren't they? Although — and I realize this is the kind of observation that would only occur to the mind of an eternal being — how did they afford that apartment? A waitress and a chef with those Manhattan real estate prices.

Eleanor: Yeah, we were all confused about that too.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 1: What We Owe to Each Other
Tagged: Friends, Pop Culture, TV Shows, joke, Heaven, Eternal Being, Friendship
“I wanted to say that this thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us, Just the whole long, stupid story. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s meant so much to me. You know, from day one, from the moment I kidnapped you and stole your car…I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted anyone else… I still don’t. Just…wherever I’m going, whatever I’m doing, just know I’ll always love you.”
— Michael, Rosewell
Tagged: Declarations Of Love, Television, Romantic, Stories, Love, Girl For Me
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