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Juno Quotes

Total quotes: 18
“Juno: What's wrong?

Barbara: We're very unhappy.

Juno: What did you expect? You're dead!”
— Juno, Beetlejuice
Tagged: Unhappy, dead
“I named my guitar Roosevelt—not Ted, Franklin. You know, the hot one, with polio.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, Guitar, Naming
“My step-mom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won't even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&Ms.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: Pregnancy, healthy
“I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: Home, different
“Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term 'sexually active.' What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, Adulthood, Being
“Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, Pregnancy
“Bleeker: I still have your underwear.

Juno: I still have your virginity.

Bleeker: Would you shut up?”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, Love, Funny, Virginity
“As boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni. And I know people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but—I guess normalcy isn't really our style.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: Love, Pregnancy, Dating, Relationships, Couples
“Things seem pretty quiet. Thank God you didn't die in Italy.”
— Juno, Beetlejuice
Tagged: Quiet, thank God, Italy
“Very Dumb Football Player: [the football players have re-entered Juno's office] Coach?

Juno: What?

Very Dumb Football Player: [looking disturbed] I don't think we survived that crash.

Juno: [sarcastically] How did you guess?”
— Juno, Beetlejuice
Tagged: Undead, Football, Plane Crash
“Juno: I think I'm in love with you.

Bleeker: You mean as friends?

Juno: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...

Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.”
— Juno, Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: Love, Friends, cool, trying too hard
“Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?

Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived!

Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?

Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! 'Men's room!' Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?”
— Juno, Beetlejuice
Tagged: men's room, curfew
“Juno: I just, like, don't want to give the baby to a family that describes themselves as 'wholesome.' Well, I don't know, I just want something a little more edgier.

Leah: Okay, well what did you have in mind?

Juno: I was thinking more, like, graphic designer, mid-thirties, you know, with a cool Asian girlfriend who, like, dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar. But I don't want to be too particular.”
— Juno, Leah, Juno
Tagged: humor, Friendship, Funny, pregnant, Family
“Juno: I'm pregnant.

Leah: What? Honest to blog?

Juno: Yeah. Yeah, it's Bleeker's.

Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?

Juno: No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.

Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing.

Juno: I don't know, I drank like, ten tons of Sunny D... Anyway dude, I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier.

Leah: Is this for real? Like, for real for real?

Juno: Unfortunately, yes.

Leah: Oh my GOD. Oh shit! Phuket, Thailand!

Juno: There we go. That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, Friendship, Funny, pregnant, News
“Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.

Juno: How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?

Leah: Or, like, stage parents.

Bren: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?

Ultrasound Technician: I guess not.

Bren: What is your job title exactly?

Ultrasound Technician: I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.

Bren: Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.

Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?

Bren: Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade.

Juno: Bren! You're a dick! I love it!”
— Ultrasound Technician, Juno, Leah, Bren, Juno
Tagged: Family, humor, Pregnancy, Trades, Special
“Juno: I'm just, like, losing my faith with humanity.

Mac: Can you can narrow that down for me?

Juno: I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.

Mac: You mean like couples?

Juno: Yeah, like people in love.

Mac: Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up.”
— Juno, Mac, Juno
Tagged: humor, Family, humanity, Love, Couples
“Juno: What? Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't want to, like, marry you?

Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and you were like 'I haven't seen this since it came out and if so we should watch it' and then 'but oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la.'”
— Juno, Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: humor, Virginity, Love, Marriage, Friendship, Dating, fights
“The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me. Jocks like him always want freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and want to be children's librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks eat that shit up.

They just won't admit it, because they're supposed to be into perfect cheerleaders like Leah. Who, incidentally, is into teachers.”
— Juno, Juno
Tagged: humor, high school, crushes
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