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Chef Quotes

Total quotes: 10
“Mr. Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!

Chef: Damn right, Garrison!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 3: The Succubus
Tagged: poontang, bros before hos
“Two million dollars?! The only way I can raise that kind of money is by whoring myself to every woman in town!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 2: Chef Aid
Tagged: prostitution, raising money, whoring
“Stan: Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut—

Chef: HIKE THE DAMN BALL!!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Tagged: procrastination, Football
“Chef: [talking to Cartman, who's dressed like a Klansman] Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see you.”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
Tagged: KKK, Threats
“Chef: Now children, gather around, and watch the wonders of life. The beauty of Mother Nature.

[The pig is heard squealing loudly]

Stan: Ah, sick!

Cartman: Fluffy!

Chef: Hmm, now I know how all those white women must have felt.”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
Tagged: Reproduction, Mother Nature, Pig, White Women
“Officer Barbrady: You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on.

Chef: Actually—

Mayor: Well I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese Mafia.

Officer Barbrady: Not a thingy-dingy.”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
Tagged: Japanese Mafia, Money, pants, police investigations
“Hey, everybody, have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and brown! If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth! Suck on my Salty Chocolate Balls! [high-pitched voice] Put 'em in your mouth! [normal singing voice] Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em and suck 'em! Suck my balls! Suck 'em sweet!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 2: Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
Tagged: salty balls, chocolate, salty chocolate balls, Songs about testicles
“Chef: Parents. There are reasons why teachers can't teach sex in school. They might not know a lot about it, [camera fixes on Mr. Mackey] they might have a bad opinion of it, [camera moves to Ms. Choksondik] or they might just be a complete pervert. [camera moves to Mr. Garrison]

Mr. Garrison: Hey! Why'd the camera pan over to me?”
— Chef, South Park, Season 5: Proper Condom Use
Tagged: Sex Education, Pervert
“Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?

Chef: Dagnabbit children! How come every time you come in here, you gotta be asking me questions that I shouldn't be answering?! 'Chef, what's a clitoris?' 'What's a lesbian, Chef?' 'How come they call it a rim job, Chef?' For once, can't you just come in here and say 'Hi, Chef. Nice day, isn't it?'

Stan: Okay. Hi, Chef. Nice day, isn't it?

Chef: It sure is!

Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute?”
— Chef, South Park, Season 4: Fat Camp
Tagged: Prostitute, clitoris, Lesbian, rim job
“Chef: Giant snake? Killing everybody? Growing bigger? [looks at the women surrounding him] Children, you know I rarely say this but—well—fudge ya. [hangs up, sings] Simultaneous, you and me!

Kyle: What did he say?

Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go fuck ourselves.

Cartman: Wow!

Kyle: How's that going to help?”
— Chef, South Park, Season 2: City on the Edge of Forever
Tagged: snake, giant snake, Go Fuck Yourself
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